Feeling funny

[Stodd]

Hi,
I would like to share my thoughts about the situation I'm sure everybody is familiar with. That's about my son being "exeptional".  It happened yesterday when we went out for a dinner with my husbands family. Long story short, my son read the book to my niece who was surprised and told him how proud  she was. But I also saw the look she changed with her mom and I couldn't decide what it meant. Again, I think if I was in the same situation with someone else's kid, the normal reaction would be like" wow! Look at that! Did you see mom, that your son just read this book! How amazing!"  or something like that. They didn't say nothing and it kinda hurt my feelings. I also feel funny that we can't really speak about our success to others in our family or to our friends because we don't want them to think we just want to show off. But I have to say "wow" when I hear that my 6 year old niece can recognize her two words.
I know I'm not the only one here with these feelings but I'm so happy I can tell you guys and I know you understand what I'm talking about.
Thank you for being here for me.

[Kerileanne99]

I know exactly how you feel and recently had a bad experience as well...in fact I posted it in this forum because it prompted me to seek out this site. Now I am so glad, because I feel as though I have found a whole alternate universe of people who 'get it!'
I honestly believe that no matter how you approach it with other people, you will not make them happy.  My husband have an ongoing discussion about people's reactions to comments I have made when they saw a tiny glimpse of what my child is capable of!
If you say, for example, "oh, sure we are proud of X, but we truly believe that all children are capable of this, if you try this program/programs we are doing! I would be happy to email you the link," all they hear is blah, blah, your child could have been doing this too if you were a better parent and worked with them 
If you say, "yes, isn't it wonderful? We have really been working hard!" where we would think, good for you, way to go!, parents not doing EL with their kids hear:  Ha! I am a better parent than you because we spend a lot of time working with our kids whilst you watch a lot of mindless TV with yours!
If you say nothing at all, but just smile proudly and fondly at your child, they HEAR you saying," oh, I am so glad that my kid is smart and not a rock like their kid!"

I once was at a toddler birthday party/ barbeque where some idiot father, who for some unfathomable reason thought it appropriate to have more than a couple of beers.  His child, who just turned four, is getting pretty good at reading phonetically.  So his Dad, is explaining drunkenly to anyone within shouting distance, that his kid can now 'read anything.'. He runs up, gets right in the poor kids face with everyone staring, and shouts, "hey, watch this everybody! And proceeds, in the absence of any other reading materials, to shove his beer bottle in the poor kids face! "what does this say? (Negra Modelo, or something)...the poor kid stutters, cannot read the first word, slowly sounds out the second, but can't quite pronounce it! Possibly because the poor kid has just been cornered like a rat?? Did I mention that he is somewhat Autistic?

I wanted to cry for him...I found a quiet moment to congratulate him on his wonderful reading skills later...I truly feel like each child's accomplishments should be about them...Did I choose that moment to interrupt and say, yeah, well my kid is more than two years younger than yours, and can read much better, plus do basic math, languages, etc? NO!
But the kids mother cornered me later and accused me of not saying anything at the time because I think my child is 'smarter!'

So, the point is, there is absolutely no way to win...it seems like we don't even have the right to 'brag' about our kids accomplishments because they are so far past what is considered 'normal' that we are either showing off when our kid was obviously 'born' a genius, or we are robbing them of their childhoods by pressuring them and forcing them to learn!  The way we WIN is to provide our kids with the best, most loving, kind, generous upbringing that we can, and are providing...

OUR children will be the true ambassadors for Early Learning!

Feel free to brag away about your kids accomplishments on BrillKids, because we will all be listening!

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Agreed! For the most part, I stay in the closet except when it comes to random strangers with small children. If I have any BrillKids flyers or business cards handy (with my affiliate link on it), I approach random people and take solace in the fact I'll never have to see them again. But at preschool and such? I typically just keep it to myself.

[Mae_Jakob_Ka]

Hi Stodd,

I do know how you feel!!! When my son read his first words, my husband thought I gave him a signal or something. He did not believe my son could really read! Now, he's very proud of our little boy.

My son goes to Preschool. I decided not to tell his teachers what he could do. They never said anything to me about his reading skills. When I got his report card, they noted down that he knew all his letters and their sounds (surprise, surprise  )....but the funny thing is, they did not grade him "well developed" in that subjects although they only expect students his age to recognize "some of the letter sounds". Not only my son knew the letter sounds, he could decode phonics really well.I have no idea why they hold back on the grading but decided not to raise an issue.....

I am thinking about what I am to do when he goes to Jr. K. Should I tell or not tell his teachers about his ability to read? At this point, I really have no idea!

Elle

[Stodd]

First of all, thank you for sharing your experiences.
BTW, I had the same exp at preschool. At the beginning I didn't say anything, waiting for what would happen. And then the teachers "tested" the kids in september and the teacher told me how good my son was with recognizing every single letter, upper and lower case... I didn't know what to say for a sec, and then I kinda told her, that "yeah, I know about it". She said something  (Ican't remember the exact words) that sure you do, but I had the feeling  she thought I was just joking. I was a little upset because I felt stupid: as a mom, yes, I know what my son knows and you should listen to me and believe me. I even try to explain myself and told her the brief story of being bilingual and that I started YBCR and how good he was. I'm almost positive that she didn't hear a word I told her and also that the 2 teachers who are there with the kids together, don't really talk about the kids, because it just happened last week, that the other teacher told me how surprised she was, when my son could read every kids name. This time I just said "oh, that's great. I'm really proud of him", but again, I felt bad.
I can't wait for the conference at the end of this month and hear what they have to say about him. Not because it matters (it does in a way), because no matter what, I believe in these things we've been doing.
And one more thing. Since I want to go to work soon, we decided to try Montessory from next september. It seems the best option for him to develop in his own speed and they can help him grow.

[LDSMom]

We have had the same experience in preschool. We just had our first parent teacher conference and the teachers noted he knew all letters and sounds, shapes, colors, etc. I was listening to see if they knew he could read, and nope! They said for reading readiness they were letting them look at books and see the pictures and start seeing the print on the page and they can start picking out letters they know. My jaw about dropped. I almost wanted to offer to come in and teach these kids to read by the end of school year. The teacher even said to me that you don't want your kid too far ahead. They had no idea that he is bilingual even though theyve been doing bits of language in class. This experience really hit home for me that I really am the best teacher for my son and you need that one on one interaction. In school they are one of many children and no one knows or cares to know your child like you do. We ended up pulling him out of that preschool and back into his language immersion one where he is getting the benifit of language. I will continue to teach him pre-k stuff on my own. I think it is better to tell teachers where your child is at or you may be disappointed. My son can pass off all of the stuff on his older cousins kindergarten checklist. Not sure what our k-6 experience will be like, my hubby doesn't believe in honeschooling. Sigh.

[PokerDad]

I guess the "dumbing down" of education starts early.

Stodd, I feel sad that a six year old only knows two words.

Sometimes the world (people in the world that is) are so backwards that it's difficult to stomach. 

[Stodd]

Yes, sometimes its hard to accept how thigs go. I try my best anyways, sometimes its easier sometimes it's harder- just like lately. Maybe I'm more sensitive. Maybe I just want my son to have the same accomplishment as others get for reading those few words or being so good at potty training. BTW as far as I remember people were more excited about him being potty trained. I guess because its normal......

[Maquenzie]

I'm mostly in the closet.

I find that people just don't understand. And really, I used to be one of them!  Flash cards for babies? That's pure torture!  But it isn't... It's just the connotation of the way most of us learned in elementary school.

Last school year (first year of Montessori primary - age 3/4, my son's teacher had a definite "don't also teach them at home vibe" and I always felt so self conscious.  She also told me she was purposely holding him back from material she knew he was ready for to wait for behavioral improvements). This year I LOVE LOVE LOVE both of his teachers and they know he's learning at home too, and we can collaborate.  His teacher even told me she likes the way I'm teaching him to read. Parents really do have more one-on-one time with their kids for this type of learning. I love it when the collaboration works well!

And at the first conference this year, I was also told he "knows letter sounds and can spell CVC words" as if that would be impressive news.  I did tell them the types of books he was reading at home and even sent one to school with him one day.  I think sometimes teachers don't know how far to cast the net, you know?  So, I definitely WOULD tell the teachers what reading level you see at home. You don't have to go into huge detail about how you got there, but the teachers having a more accurate picture of your child can definitely streamline how they approach your child.

Believe me! I waited a whole year to tell his teachers he could read! (he could read CVC words before beginning as a 3 year old and I didn't say anything for fear of seeming pushy...and his last year tracher's vibe wasn't all that educational enthusiast vibe-y anyway).

I've already decided that when my daughter starts school to tell the teachers before she starts where she's at.  It'll save everyone time.



In the rest of our lives, I keep pretty quiet about anything they may know that seems advanced (especially my younger one who started much younger...my oldest didn't read at all until 3.5 because I was once biased against Early Learning.  I wish I could turn back time for him.)

[Stodd]

WoW Maquenzie, so happy for you. I guess that's the teacher everybody wants for their sons, daughters. We will see next monday how lucky we are- after the conference. I still have some doubts and think that you need the right teacher to help your child grow.
BTW what is your opinion about Montessori? That's our plan too from next year if can get in.

[Maquenzie]

I'm a huge Montessori fan. it will, of course, depend on the culture of the particular school.

But it's nice to let your child go at their own pace.  And I'd be sure to tell (especially at Montessori where they are trained to work individually with each child anyway) where your child is at and/or encourage them to test him a little so they don't assume he needs to begin at the beginning.

At our school, the teachers are enthusiastic about learning in general.  I think that makes a big difference.

[watsonsmith]

On this Halloween me and my friends planning a big bang party night and invite all family members. I hope this time more fun and enjoyable season I'm feeling so funny at this time for the Halloween and we are all discuss about the for this year 2019 Halloween Costume Ideas because we want to look different this year party.

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