Feeling Guilty

[Kimba15]

Hey everyone,

I have been wondering lately if i am doing enough for my little girl, I have been so busy lately with xmas, getting prepared. Going to appointments that i think i am not doing enough. Today I was so busy cleaning the house that i wondered if i talked to her enough through out the day or didn't play with her enough? I did show her the YBCR dvd twice today.

I have also had to stop breastfeeding due to a low supply. I use a really good formula but i feel like their is something wrong with me because I did not have enough milk and wonder what sort of affect this will have on her cognitive ability, and her general learning development. My mum says not to worry too much because my aunty who was formula fed is now a dr. but i cant help but think that in some way i have been detrimental. I breast fed for 3 months.

Has any one else felt like this?

[nhockaday]

Did you call a breastfeeding consultant like la leche league? Milk is determined by supply and demand. The more you feed and pump, the more milk you should have. It may take a few days of frequent feedings and pumping to establish a good supply, but then you should have plenty of milk. You could even get your milk back now if you tried. I suggest calling your local la leche league or going to their website. They are very helpful.

[rixu]

you have to drink lots of water and milk. that's really important. doctors recommend for such mothers to let the baby suck much, they says sucking is an important part of milk production for baby. i think there is a medicine for such problem. one of my friend given birth few days ago complained to doctor that she don't have the milk for baby then the doctor said he would give her a medicine that i think produce milk. may i call her and tell you about

[THen]

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.  I had to stop breastfeeding my 4th child at 4 month for medical reasons.  I understand your worries.  Thankfully, he is healthy, engergetic and smart.      rixu and hjockaday's suggestions are good too.  I got to nurse my 5th child longer, but found that my milk supply would go down when I was busy and wasn't drinking enough or not getting enough rest.  I have also heard that non-acoholic beer helps increase milk.  I read and I think it is actually the hops that helps.  You can make an herbal tea and include hops, if you like (I did't like the taste of beer).

I also understand getting busy during around Christmas.  I'd say involve your baby as much as you can, (she can sit and watch what you do while you talk to her, or enjoy Christmas music together).  If you have a good back, those baby pouches are nice if you have to be moving around a lot.

But don't feel guilty.  Everyone goes through busy seasons.  The key is to notice it (like you have) and work to make it better if you can (like you have).  Relax, be happy and enjoy teaching your baby when you can.  They like it better when you are happy than when you are feeling guilty.     Sounds like you are being a great mom!

[nhockaday]

Yes, that reminded me. There is a tea, I believe called Mother's milk, that helps increase milk supply.

[Kimba15]

Thankyou everyone for your replies.

I had seen my mum and Mother-in-law for breastfeeding help (they are both nurses one is a neo natal nurse) and also followed all the recommendations for increasing milk supply through the australian breastfeeding association website.

Even when I drank enough water and got enough rest the supply was still low due to the way she sucked. She constantly pulled her self on and off and never sucked continuosly. This seemed to be causing the low supply and even though i tried to break her from the habit i just couldn't and i tried pumping but the supply had dropped too low. I should have got help sooner than i did but  didn't want anyone to think that i coudn't do it (silly me but i thought other people would think i was a bad mother because i couldn't get her to suck right)

There is now no supply left at all. I now know for next time and i plan on getting all the help i can get because i really enjoyed the feeling of closness with her. Sophia is now a very happy baby that she is getting enough food, but i still can't help but feel a bit guilty.

Am I being too hard on myself?

[linzy]

I think you are being too hard on yourself.  Your availible time and energy level will fluctuate over your child's life and some times you will do more and sometimes less.  The most important thing is that your child feels loved.  You could try carrying your baby in a sling while you are running around doing all your chiristmas preparations, that was she could sleep or be alret and just enjoy being near you, and then you could spend that time talking to her about what you are doing.

As for the breast feeding if you are strongly interested you could attempt to rebuild up your supply.  Their are several medications that increase supply (one is called reglan) you could combine that with lots of attempted feedings/pumpings and lots of skin to skin time.  If that doesn't seem like the path for you with this one then just keep in mind that most children who are formula fed turn out to be just as bright, happy and healthy as any breat fed baby.  You already did great things for your baby by giving her those first three months of nutrients and antibodies.  Just keep in mind that you should be sure to chose a formula with DHA in it.

[Tanikit]

Your baby is 3 months old and has a whole life ahead to be with you. Try not to feel guilty about things as this takes your focus away from your baby and onto the guilt - just enjoy the times you do have with your little one. You are a concerned mother. Its normal to worry about everything - as your baby gets older there will always be something else to worry about.

Your job is to look after both your baby and yourself. That's why Glen Doman says: If you are not having fun, then Stop. So if you are feeling guilty and worried, you cannot be having fun, stop... and then do something that you will enjoy with your baby - even if its just cuddling your baby, or watching a TV show while your baby is there. I really believe that your baby will be doing best when its mother is relaxed.

It is a lesson I have had to learn recently. If my toddler is teething and grumpy we skip reading for the day. If I am feeling stressed and tired then we also skip reading for the day. And some days we do nothing that I see as "learning related" - but play is learning so those days she is still learning, it just seems like I am doing nothing.

Your baby will be fine on formula - you are providing the best you can for him and giving him a loving, caring Mom.

[kmum]

Even though it is ideal to breast feed much longer, three months is a very good start.  It sounds like you tried very hard - breast feeding is not always easy.  You're dd had the benefits of colostrum & breastmilk for the most important few months of life.

[Kimba15]

Thanks everyone for your responses!

Sometimes being a first time parent is hard because you want so badly for everything to go perfectly, I'm going to relax more and enjoy building a strong relationship with my little girl and work on making learning fun and enjoyable and i will try not to get so hung up on for maybe not talking as much aas i should to her throughout the day. I must remember that even her watching me do stuff around the house and doing everyday life things are still important skills to learn.

Thankyou everyone for your support your kind responses have enabled me to let go a little bit more, and enjoy the ride of early learning, and that will allow Sophia to enjoy her mummy more because i am relaxed.

and also to remember that I am only human, and it is okay to make mistakes alomg the way.

xx to you all
Kimba

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