Has preschool helped your child?

[mybabyian]

My son is 2 years 4 months and I have no plans to send him to preschool anytime soon.  Where we live it is very expensive.  We are making a huge sacrifice just for me to stay home with him.  Still, all his friends go to preschool and I sometimes feel guilty that we are not giving this to him.  I do plan to homeschool him too so the other part of me doesn't know why I should send him to preschool if I am not even going to send him to school.

I worry mostly about the social experiences he is missing out on.  He can be shy.  I was terribly shy as a kid so I don't want him to suffer like I did.  He does swimming lessons twice a week and goes to play groups once or twice a week.  He doesn't really have the chance to interact with kids at all during swimming lessons so I can't count that as a social experience.  So really he is around kids once maybe twice a week.

As far as other stuff goes I sometimes feel like we don't do a lot of developmental stuff either.  I talk to him/read to him a lot and I am teaching him to read.  We go to the park occasionally.  I don't even get out the play dough very often because I always think dog hair is going to get in it.  Uuck!  I am pregnant and exhausted so if I can make dinner every night I tend to consider it a successful day.

I just wonder how do you think your child has benefited from going to preschool and if you didn't send them what things did you do instead?  Thanks for listening!

I read this article online which basically summed up what I have been telling myself on the subject:  http://playborhood.com/2011/01/is_preschool_important_for_all_kids/

[Jemi]

Hiya,

I am thinking of withdrawing my just 3 year old from nursery. She has been attending one day a week for about 3 or 4 months (with a break from Christmas etc) but her behaviour an language seem to have suffered. However, I am a lone parent (or whatever we are called) so a whole day to myself (aka to catch up on housework and perhaps sleep) is great.

Language - she has started using slang like "innit" and "oi". And her pronunciations seem to have lost a little clarity. She no longer says the days of the week properly and really messes up the content of several nursery rhymes she knew properly. I think this is to do with the fact that lots of children are saying the nursery rhymes together and some know the words and some (or presumably most) don't so she picks it up as she can make it out.

I think that any concerns about socialising with other children.... hmmm.... there is plenty of time for it. Confidence comes from being allowed to do things in your own time, not from being pushed into being around other children. IMO anyway. 

I find myself undoing a lot, and it is being resisted because of course I was not there when it happened to explain that just because the adult / child did or sad something does not mean it was right or good or to be copied!

Anyway, be reassured, your presence is much appreciated by your child. Even if you think you could be doing more (I am saying this to me as well as to you!). My daughter has always been a good sleeper and the day she started nursery started waking 3 to 5 times a night every night for about 2 and a half months. Obviously the anxiety may not have shown while she was there but it was tough on her and she is not particularly shy. It did trigger a bit of separation anxiety generally too. If she was a shy child and I had the option to I would be minded to wait until she was older.

Further, I think that she learns so much more with me, we can focus on topics and follow her train of thought and chat about things to ensure understanding. In terms of learning pre school feels like a wasted day to me at times. However, I will say I have learnt a few things about her, how she copes, what she likes (the nursery staff have some toys / activities I had not thought of).

Whatever you decide though, don't feel guilty. I know lots of mums who put their first child in nursery when the second is on way or has arrived just so they can get a break. Parenthood is one big juggling act. We do the best we can!!

Just my thoughts.....

[momtobaby]

Hi mybabyian,

Before I start, I just want to let all the moms and dads know that these are just my opinion based on our personal exp so please don't take it in any negative way. I have nothing against parents who don't send their kids to preschool, Its all a personal choice at the end of the day.We all are here to do what's best for our kids. What works for us might not work for others.

My daughter is 2.5 yrs old and here in Australia Preschool starts only at 3. However, we have managed to find a place that takes 2.5 year olds. We sent her to an early learning centre and a preschool. We will slowly move her out of the early learning centre and put her only in preschool in few months time.

We used to take her to several classes (like music class, baby gym, playgroups, playdates) and even though she got to interact with other kids I did not see much of a difference in her social skills. I noticed that whenever the kids were playing the moms always tend to interfere for whatever reason. Then we thought maybe its best to send her to preschool where she will get to interact with other kids more openly iykwim.

Preschool has really helped her develop socially. She is a very confident little girl who loves to be in the company of other kids now. She has learnt what sharing is all about and what taking turns mean. I feel that there is a big difference between moms taking kids to playgroup and kids being on their own with other kids. If you know what I mean. We could say that ....yeah for social development we can take the kids to a sports group or playgroup or whatever. The things that kids learn from being in the company of other kids without their parents around is lot more than what they learn when their parents are around. I feel that when we are around them we tend to interfere in their play and constantly helping them out with their play and so on.... most of the times unknowingly. Kids need to learn what being in a team is all about, I can even see some leadership qualities developing in her,they need to figure out how to protect themselves, how to get their way (in a nice way)......its better when its supervised by a teacher rather than a parent. I know that safety is important and that's why parents are interfering in a playgroup set up. However, my take is that we being protective are sometimes reacting when its not that necessary. That's when getting supervised by a third party helps.

She also gets to interact with older kids and that has helped her with effective communication. Overall I feel that preschools play a very important part in developing your child socially.

As for the academics, they don't do much at all. We still do all the learning at home. I think its a good balance now. Moreover, you are pregnant and you  need some time to rest and relax so it will be great if you can sent ur son to preschool. We sent our daughter to preschool only for the social aspect and not for the academic part. We have seen a definite improvement in her social persona after sending her to preschool. How about sending him just once a week? Will that still be expensive? The other thing is you still have time. Like I said here kids go to preschool only around the age of 3.5 to 4.

It also depends on how your son is going to take it. My daughter thankfully did not cry or have any seperation anxiety and so it helped us in deciding that sending her to preschool is a good decision. If she were to cry and had real trouble adjusting I think I would have taken her out as I don't believe in putting a young child through stress. I don't believe in the cry it out method. Again depends on how severe the seperation anxiety is, if its just something like " I don't want to go to school mummy" then try and explain to the child all the wonderful things he is going to do at school. If its a full blown anxiety attack I would wait and put him in school later.

[tlyoung]

Yes, preschool has helped our son and me. After I switched him to the preschool he is currently in I have no doubt he is happy and learning things that I do not do well with. DS is learning to share, to wait his turn, to go potty for someone else, he goes to music class, and does art projects daily. DS looks forward to going to preschool and I use the time to do to Doctor's appointments and do things that take away from OUR time together. He attends school from 9-12 on MWF, his teacher had only 4 "young" toddlers until a last month. I really liked that his class was so small for most of the year. If I had not changed preschools my thoughts would have been different. So the school, teacher and even other children have an impact.
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[TeachingMyToddlers]

We send DD (4) to preschool two days a week from 9:30-1. It's a small, basic church based preschool. Going to preschool helped her learn how to deal with other people and respect authority outside of our home. She is getting her first experience of exploring the world semi-independently. I like that they have special in-house "field trips" for the kids, yesterday the fire truck came to give a presentation, they've had a petting zoo visit with an eagle, skunk, snake, tarantula, etc, she does show and tell once a month in front of her class. She has music class once a week which she thinks is just wonderful (her music teacher has no idea she can read or play music but she always tells me what a fantastic job Lily does singing in class. She has never read anything for her regular teachers at school either, she says she doesn't know how. hahahaha yeah right.)

We definitely do not send her for academic reasons though, we do our lessons in the morning *before* I send her off to school in the morning. Regardless, she loves it and begs to go to "stay and play" for an hour or two after school, so I let her go once a week usually. Afterwards, she comes home tired and with dirty face from playing outside all afternoon. For parents that give their kids lots of exposure to the world and take them lots of places, preschool is probably not as important. I had my son in school for a while and then pulled him out because it was just too soon. We'll probably try again in the fall when he is almost 4.

I don't think it's 100% necessary for all kids, but DD has benefited from it and she really loves her teachers. I send her to preschool to learn how to glue crap and sit in a circle.

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

So I am hoping to homeschool DS at least through the primary years, however I have got him booked to start preschool this September for a few hours (3hrs, 2 days a week), by Jan 2014 if all is going well he'll go 9am  12pm 4/5 days a week (if I and he can handle the separation  ). Like TmT said, its not for academic reasons but for socialization (homeschool network activities tend to start from 5yrs old), and for me to have time to plan his learning, sort the house, and some me time. It's also to give me a feel of what 'school' might be like especially with regards to any negative socialization concerns. I think if he was going full time it would have to be a pretty amazing preschool.

I have to say though that DS is not shy at all even though is has never be cared for by anyone else other than his two parents, during church, swimming or toddler group, he is off like a shot, making friends (young and old) and only occassionally checking in with me for a quick kiss before he's off again. I am fairly Montessorian about him being independent so I doubt that I unwittingly mollycoddle/undermine his efforts to be independent. It is very hard to see another child playing roughly with your own, but unless it was dangerous I wouldn't remove Douglas from the situation, I might make a suggestion to him or the child about  how to approach their interaction but it's up to them. Importantly it's up to my son to learn how to say no or walk away or that's not nice or wait or be patient (all of which I have observed him say) that's an important part of developing emotional intelligence. But he learns how to interact in an intelligent way with people of all ages - preschool isn't necessary in my opinion but can serve various needs for parent and child. Be flexible about how you can make it work for you and your child. No need to be stressed all day every day with an active toddler while your pregnant ((hugs))

[Skylark]

I would say you should not feel bad if you can not afford to put your child in a preschool. Our two are not in a preschool, because of our location and logistics, they are home schooled, and we started on some outside classes. I do not think they are missing out terribly at all. In fact, I am able to give them very good educational input at their own pace and supplement their activities with some outside classes ( which I project would be more and more as they grow).

On the topic of socialization -- our kids never been in preschool, but compared to many many children we met they are way more socialized. They are polite ( when they want to be  ), not shy, able to start conversation with people older then them and with their peers. When my 4 year old was accepted to the RAD Ballet Academy they suggested we would not pay for the first 2-3 classes and just bring her in to "get used to it", as they have mentioned many children at that age would not participate in the class from the very beginning, but rather sit and observe for a while, before getting brave enough to join in.

Well, we came for our first "trial class" and it was her Birthday actually. She introduced herself to other students, told them all about her birthday and joined right in with class activities! She participated actively from the very first minute, and that is at the school where they teach in the language she is not very familiar with. In fact, after the class she asked us to teach her more action words and body parts in Spanish, as she did not know all of them. At the third class she told us that she wants us to just drop her off, and there is no need for us to stay there with her 

Her teacher said , when it was time to put the tutus ( they do a few minutes of practice with real tutus from the school) she did not know how to put it on by herself doe the first time ( it is tricky!), she asked the girl next to her "Excuse me please, can you help me to put it on!" haha, our little Miss Independent.

All that to say, I personally not against socialisation ( and our kids get a lot of it, even throughout the regular day to day activities -- shopping, theater, museums, etc), but I prefer to have control over what input they are getting on a daily basis scholastically (believe me if I would have an outstanding Early Learning BrillKids Academy    next door I would def sign them up!!!), and then chose specific classes for their outside activities, which would supplement what we are doing already... I think you are doing great with your son!

[mybabyian]

Thank you so much for all your replies.  I think I would like to try preschool with him if we can get a little bit more money.  My DH is going to interview for a new position so we'll see.  I am not going to stress over it though if we can't.  Today I felt actually a little human again as I am nearing the end of the first trimester so hopefully I'll start having more energy to do some extra activities. 

I have also been terrified of getting the flu while pregnant.  I opted not to get a flu shot for myself or my son.  So that is another reason we have been staying a bit more at home lately.  Supposedly this is the peak flu month where I live so I'll probably have more courage to get out a bit more soon!

I actually organize an Early Learning Playgroup so he has some experience in "circle time".  But, it is a lot different than preschool as we do a lot of things I already do with him at home (reading, math, etc.) and it is not as often as preschool would be.  I also lead most of the groups so he doesn't have the chance to practice listening to another adult.  I can see that he enjoys participating with the other kids though. 

He is not as shy as I was and I know my experience as a child contributes to my fears for him.  He sometimes seems to be the shyest kid in a playgroup.  On some days he just wants to cling to me.  But, other days he is off playing happily.  He says hi to our neighbors when we take walks and one even commented to me how social he is so I guess he is doing okay so far.

I did read in a book recently, possibly "The Emotional Life of your Brain" ???  how shyness is not as genetic/predetermined as was previously thought and that a large part of it has to do with early experiences so I definitely want to do what I can to help my son bloom socially.  I tend to think forcing independence on him before he is ready would do more harm than good though.  There is a preschool program here where moms stay (in the background) at school with the kid until the kid is ready to stay by himself.  So I'll probably try something like that if we get the opportunity.

Thanks again for all your help.

[kiwimum]

In New Zealand we have a early childhood and family education centres called Playcentre. I take my 21 month old child to it once or twice a week. Its different to preschool because its run by the parents.

Its all about empowering adults and children to work, play, learn and grow together. It values parents as the first and best educators of their children.

Playcentre offers a fantastic environment for children to learn through play in a mixed age environment with great adult to child ratios that enrich children’s learning. Playcentre provide half day learning sessions for children aged birth to school entry age, and parenting support and courses for their parents.
At Playcentre children choose from a wide variety of well resourced learning areas, work at their own pace, and are supported by trained parent-volunteers. There is usually one paid adult there each day that helps guide the parents with extending their children.

I think it might be quite a unique idea and really only found in New Zealand and Japan. Because of Playcentre I don't feel I need to take my child to Preschool any time soon. 

[nicolemireles]

Yes I am thankful to Long Island preschool, who helped my child to grow and develop his skills. Now he is more active and creative. He performs well in kindergarten as they also prepares them for higher classes. So it is very much beneficial to kids. They provide systematic environment and helps children to become more socialise. To know more you can navigate here.

[TriciaGarcia]

Well, preschool help the kid for sure because during that period, child become used to of the school routine and it help him when he'll start schooling.

[Nikita]

I absolutely love preschool (Kindergarten)  - I put my children in a daycare kindergarten program if it was available (sometimes - or some centres) part-timers couldnt get the kinder program - they just got "daycare" - but even that still had different learning activities in it, and still socialising with kids and adults. In Australia the childcare training is very stringent and the carers are now all called "educators" to reflect the effort they go to to teach the kids things and extend their learning in lots of areas. They're always changing the layout of the room and the activities set up (weekly or fortnightly so part-timers dont miss out) and have different daily activities like making biscuits or visit from a firetruck etc.

Basically I made sure my kids got Kindergarten from 3 years old - sessional centres and long daycare. I have tried homeschooling but my experience has been that the parents often dont turn up to activities or meet-ups, and so my kids missed out on socialisation. They were lonely, basically. (And trying to make friends via the internet - with goodness knows who - So I put them back in school.)

They dont use flashcards or Montessori (unless its specifically a Montessori centre- I did a childcare training placement at a Montessori centre once and I think it is sadly lacking compared to "normal" kindergarten) - so I choose traditional kinder over Montessori after that ( a combination would be OK, but Montessori alone - it's SO boring. The poor kids were trying to play with the resources (using their imagination) but kept getting told off for doing it wrong. And when trying to socialise, where told off "find some work to do!"

So any Doman training would have to be done by you at home. I think in Australia they are trying to go the Reggio Emilia approach now and using beige equipment rather than colourful things - they find kids learn better with natural colours and textures like wood apparently (so I did all the colourful plastic stuff at home).

I feel like my kids thrived at preschool and really came out of their shells - were more outgoing and not clingy. But I started them at daycare earlier so they transitioned OK into Kinder. And then OK into school.

[Rohit Kumar]

I think preschool surely helped for the child. Because children start to explore the world around them as soon as they are born. At Kidzee, the playgroup curriculum enables children to continue their exploration. Early experiences in the first few years of life are critical for the acquisition of skills as maximum brain development happens during this period.

[Mae Mei]

Yes it helped my son a lot! He enjoys learning with his classmates an he listen to his teacher. I also teach him at home but he developed a lot when i put him in preschool. Now I'm teaching him how to read and to save from papers and pens my husband made as an Early Reader application. A simple application that helps my son read. So far my son is enjoying it! Here's the website http://www.thumbkinlabs.com/         

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