How vocal are you about EL locally?

[Tamsyn]

All of these interesting discussions about what is in the news, as well as things happening in my more personal life, have led me to ask this.

Does anyone else feel like like they are stuck between a rock and a hard place?

On the one hand, I want to shout from the rooftops how wonderful early learning has been for my family.  I want people to know it's possible, that it is duplicatable, and most importantly, that it isn't that hard.

On the other hand, telling the world that your 2-year-old can read usually doesn't come across as a proselyting mission, it can easily come across as a parent that wants to brag about how smart that their kid is.  It can even come off as a little self-righteous.  My mom, who knows nothing of EL besides what she sees in my kids, has warned me to be very careful.  hmm.   

This was brought up recently because of a discussion on my local homeschooling group.  They talked about what is the natural age for children to read, and one mother said that it really bothers her when she sees a parent brag about how their 3-year-old can read and write, and then she sees that same child being rude or disrespectful in the playground to other kids.  It was agreed that we need to place a higher value on building moral character than on academics.  Well, I do agree, and I strive to teach my kids to be good, but words like that can be very hurtful.  Said in that context, it comes across like these parents think that EL families don't care about instilling virtue because reading is more important.  Um, hello!  No.  That's not it at all.  I called her on it, and said that if I saw a 3-year-old acting up in the playground, I would think that child might need a nap, was hungry, or was just having a bad day.  We are talking about a 3-year-old!  Being able to read doesn't make them super kids, or take away their basic needs.  The mother apologized and referenced her sister-in-law who doesn't discipline her children at all.  Those also admitted that those children aren't early readers either.  Unfair bias, but I give her credit for apologizing.

It's kind of a big issue in our community, and not an isolated case.  I think it's hypocritical to praise the mother who "teaches her children the value of hard work" by having them help on the farm (I live in that kind of community), but then go on to challenge the next mother's priorities because they teach their children high academic standards.  Any kind of work, whether it be manual labor or practicing the piano, or what have you, will build character.  Yet comments have been made like "That's nice that you teach you children to read, but I think that teaching them moral character is more important".  It almost makes me not want to do anything at all with the local homeschoolers, even though I highly admire many of them and like them generally.  I just don't feel like I fit in.   

But then there are some beautiful experiences that have happened because I am willing to tell people that we do early learning.  I have been able to act as a mentor to a few mothers, pointing out books and products, and lending my materials.  I have even made a little money as a BrillKids affiliate, and that has been a great blessing for us because my husband lets me use any money I make to buy more school materials, which we wouldn't have otherwise.  So it has helped our homeschooling, and more importantly, it has helped a few more tiny children learn how to read.  I love that!  I love sharing what I have learned.  As much as I am grateful to know that my kids will very likely get scholarships when they go to college, I would much rather see a whole generation of kids who learned to read from infancy.  Can you imagine the wonderful changes that would bring to the world?  For me, I just had to come across someone's side comment that babies can read on some online forum, and I was hooked.  I researched and found what I needed to know.  But it started with a hearsay comment that it might be possible.  People NEED to know that it's possible, and they won't find out unless we are willing to talk about it.  That's why I am glad to see early learning being publicized, even if it's with a negative slant.

On the other hand, a lot of people don't WANT to talk about it or hear about it.  At Thanksgiving my husband and I started talking about how the BrillKids software works, and both of my brother-in-laws immediately pulled out their iPhones and started reading their e-mail.  It was weird.  I don't know if they were trying to be rude or not, but the conversation came to a dead halt when EL was brought up.  And there are so many misconceptions to be overcome!  So much un-learning that some people need before they can learn what EL is all about.

It's such a hard balance to find.  Sometimes I think about keeping our program a secret, but I don't because my silence could take away some child's opportunity.  But by speaking up, I might offend someone, like the homeschoolers who are struggling to teach their 10+ kid to read, or just the average mom who thinks I'm challenging her worth as a mother, which I truly am not.  I'm not self-righteous.  That's why I love being on BrillKids so much.  I've been here a lot recently because I've needed that pick-me-up in my personal life.  I hope you all know how wonderful you are, and how you inspire me.  I'm not doing a fraction of what some of you are, and it's exciting to think that I still could be raising the bar, even with the success we have already had.  When I say my 2-year-old can read, you are all supportive without thinking I'm here to boast or brag about what a wonderful mother I am.  hehe, have you seen my kitchen sink?

So now I'm done venting (thank you), I come to the question again.  I think the only down-side to EL is coming up with a balanced way of talking about it to family and friends.  I struggle with it.  What do you do?

[kizudo]

Oh, Tamsyn.  I hear you.  I would love to come over for a cup of coffee and just talk like normal "crazy" mommies.  Truth is, I'm very, very fortunate to have a mommy I CAN do this with whom I met on BrillKids.  If it weren't for this forum, I'd never have met Waterdreamer and been able to talk face to face.  We meet every few weeks for "show and tell" and updates on things we've discovered or learned...even lending each other some of our goodies (Thank you! Waterdreamer!)   It's been wonderful!  I know I'm one of the lucky ones here.  But...she's the only one of my IRL friends that I CAN actually talk to with a coffee in hand. 

I've tried speaking to people about EL a few times when my son was smaller, but frankly, always got the vibe that they thought I was bragging...never what I intended.  Yes, I am proud of my son's accomplishments, but never have I thought that he had genious genes or that I am a super mom...you talk about your sink - I've got laundry baskets filled with clothes with folds in all the wrong places. 

Last year at about this time I was invited to speak at the library baby & mommy class and the toddler & mommy class about early reading.  Did I get invited back?  No.  Did I get anything but polite smiles?  No.  I swear they thought I was looney tunes.  Even today, I was at the library and I asked one of the employees where I could find chapter books with big print.  I explained that my son was only 4.5 and was ready to enter the world of chapter books but books with small print and few pictures aren't really enticing to him.  She smiled that "Sure he is" smile and humoured me by showing me a few books way beyond his level.  I, of course, had to pass them up which I think reinforced her perception of me being a liar.

[linzy]

I know exactly. I love my children and they are so happy. My older son who is 6 and has been reading since he was 2 says things sometimes about how sad it is when other kids can't read because then they can't choose to read and learn about what they are interested in. People in our community know that my children can read and do advanced math for their ages, however, what they get out of it is that they were born "smart". But, when I try to tell them that my children learned those things through a few minutes of focused attention daily and learned with joy and without stress and then offer to help by sharing my resources they never pursue it. They seem to think "Of course it was east with your children. They are geniuses..." when what I want to convey is it is easy with any child it just takes diligence and faith.

On the other hand my mother-in-law has seen what we do and is completely swayed, but now criticizes one of her other daughters because her 6 year old daughter doesn't read as well as my 3 year old. My  husband now feels the same he's seen how easy it is and says it seems irresponsible to withhold learning from children who are so eager and able. Her daughter is a bright little girl and will undoubtedly learn to read well, but because she is leaving it to the school she can only progress as fast as her peers. She felt like because she didn't aggressively pursue early learning that her mom was saying that she was a bad parent. It led to some very bad feelings between the two of them, but luckily not the two of us because she knows how I adore her daughter.Anyway, for such a wonderful thing it sure does create strong opinions.

[kiwimum]

I havn't been very vocal about EL in the past, even to some of my closest friends. I have mentioned it to them and they know I'm doing something different but yeah conversations come to a stop and body language changes when I really start showing them in more detail some of the things I'm doing with my 1.5 yr old eg "common dog breeds" (to me thats tame and not even that weird) My friend thought that was too much and walked away. I was about to show her Little Musician but decided against that. Such a shame.

I do have a friend who introduced me to YBCR but she lives overseas now, her 3yr is reading at a 6-7 year old level. So I often email her for advice and encouragement but Im not sure how much EL she does on other topic, she doesnt share as much as you guys here on the forum do.

I am very lucky that my side of my family are very very supportaive of EL. My mum is often on this forum looking up things and finding things she thinks will help the grandchild. She loves to make books for Chloe with big bold print and relevant stories line to fit into Chloes life. Its also really good having a second set of eyes researching EL options. Thanks mum!- ilila
My sister is also planning on doing EL Doman style with their baby so I can always share with them. But my side of the family dont live close, we have just recently moved towns.  
I've moved closer to my husband side of the family and I've decided not to keep EL a secret from them.  I just think EL is so amazing and I'm trying to show them bit by bit what I am doing and hope over time they will see it as a good thing and I know Chloe will want to show them too. But its hard work to get their support at the moment.
bit by bit...

I agree we all need to be more vocal about EL to share what we know but it is hard as you need to be ready to defend what your doing and in the early days its all input so its had to be confident. I hope as time goes on I get more vocal and a thicker skin, but we will see, time will tell.

[Mandabplus3]

I tell everyone but I just dont care what people think of me  
I have found the best way to educate people is by starting from an advanced PHYSICAL skill. People seem to be able to easily grasp that high gross motor ( or even fine motor) skills are trainable. So when I post a picture of my daughter doing a perfect flying side kick ( I shall post it for you here later) on Facebook people ask how? I say training, practice and good coaches. I then carry on to talk about how most of the advanced skills my kids have are purely because they get the time to practice and I continually offer them the next level of skill to try. I talk about the physical skill as an example and then relate it back to another skill I think their child might find useful.
I also have an advantage now that I teach. I can talk about the work i do with my class and talk about how long it took me to teach a class of 24 3/4 year olds to count to 100 or how simple it is to teach them all the continents of the world.
Now that my kids are older I don't have to deal with the issue people have about teaching 2 year olds to read. I tell them it's entirely possible and ever so easy to do and loads of fun for the babies too. I however didn't teach my kids to read until 3.5-4 ( yep I usually tell them I wasted 2 years!) they can usually handle the idea of a 4 year old reading if that same child is now sitting in front of them at age 6 reading a novel meant for a 12 year old. They are often quite surprised still when my son ( age 4) brings over a book and says mummy what's this word? And then continues to read. Quite often they assume it's because I am a teacher that he can read but I tell them anyone can teach little kids to read. It's actually very easy these days.
I think the important point to remember when educating others is that we need to stress it doesn't matter what you decide to teach them, just teach them something that you want them to know. If you are talking to a piano teacher discuss teaching perfect pitch using little musician, if you are talking to a coach discuss early sports skills, ( starting from helping babies learn to roll/ crawl/ walk earlier), if you are talking to a teacher discuss math NOT reading!( most teachers already know everything remember   ) If you are talking to a new and enthusiastic mum give her lots of info and support to find it. Send her here!
Talk about a couple of fun activities you do, talk about banning the Disney channel to clear up free time for play. Talk about the higher expectations on children's in school these days and how a little head start can't hurt them.  

[Jenene]

Interesting discussion.  I have to admit I tell very few people about what we do - and I do hardly anything compared to some of you   But I think some of that is just my personality.  I don't socialise much and I rarely give my opinion unless I'm actually asked (and I think they want to listen).  So much of what we (my husband and I) believe is not mainstream any more and I simply can't be bothered putting energy into trying to discuss something with people who have no interest in listening and at least considering the ideas.  I need all my energy for my kids     If someone is open to discussing (and I do mean discussing not just justifying their view) then I love to talk about EL and all that involves but unfortunately I find that rarely happens.

[Jenene]

I find people don't even respond that well to motor skills   My 5 year old is doing really well in BMX (won his races at the States recently), does 30 km or more bike trips with his father, can do jumps, manuals, has incredible balance etc.. on his bike and still we have never been asked how he is doing so well.  Even though his cousins the same age are still using training wheels! 

[Jenene]

Would also love a local brillkids type group to actually meet with physically and share ideas and resources.  A bit of accountability may even encourage me to do all those things that I have been wanting to do with the kids that never seem to get done....

[Tamsyn]

Thank you everyone, for you support and kind words.   

I suppose I'm somewhere in between.  I don't really care what other people think of me (I'm a homeschool graduate, I've been weird my whole life).  I just don't want to hurt people.  That's not always avoidable, but I try to avoid it if I can.

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

Love the enthusiasm Mandabplus3 

I talk about it, posted on FB when DS started reading. I did get mixed reception, most people really didn't want to talk about it. They do seem to take it as a challenge to the standard they meet as parents. To answer the question, I have this weird thing (that doesn't always work) I do. I try to tell good and bad stuff together. I am open about my challenges - very open. And at the same time open about my blessings. You get the full picture with me. I guess I used to hope that people wouldn't judge me as boastful if they knew I was also equally willing to talk about my challenges. But people really go with the status quo and being open is a lot weird for most. Over the years of blogging, video blogging and sharing my life lessons people who have followed are starting to accept that at 30 years of age this is my authentic self, and I have some credibility to challenge them with new ideas. At the very least they EXPECT me to have something 'different' to say. Obviously the attachment parenting, toddler-breastfeeding, weird born again (used to be sexy), still cool, christian blogger is going to have successfully taught her 2 year old son to read! 

So yeah I share my EL activities. I am starting a home day care business next year and will share what I do (probably somewhat watered down) through the website. I feel it is received as people receive me ... interesting but not necessarily for everyone  And that's just how I feel it's gonna be until there is a enmasse change in opinions on EL - because people take comfort in sticking with popular opinion on things regardless of reality (perception is reality, they say).  And if the established story gives them an easy, guilt free solution they're gonna take it.

[IrisGranstedt]

I tend to keep my EL quiet to avoid looking like boasting. People keep saying your child is gifted even though I keep saying he's not. Especially where I am (UK) people tend to actively avoid teaching their children 'academic stuff' even if their children show a keen interest. It's sad to see.

However, if I sense that the mum is interest on EL (from reading loads to their children, finding out how to help their child to learn languages etc) then I will slowly let them know little by little and see how they react. I have tried recommending books on EL to other mums and you get various response from slightly defensive to outright offended. But at least they are upset with the author, not me. 

[busyparent]

I use to share with my good friend all that i want to acomplish with my little boy.
eventhough she said she support my ideas her comment were kind of mean
she would said things like i prefer to teach my kids about God first ,
I dont understand why some people think just because i want to teach my baby to read early  it means that i am not teaching to love God.

[Korrale4kq]

It is a tricky situation for me too.
I mentioned to my my son's early intervention teacher about how he reads and does well in math and frankly how he loves if. I was accosted by a parent who overheard and confronted me saying it was Monsterous to teach my son to read.

My son was assessed by a psychologist and she just added it to his list of autistic red flags as hyperlexic.

I have a friend who shares a similar outlook. So we discuss some stuff. But it is tricky to not cross that bragging line and to state things factually.

At storytime at the local library one of the librarians overheard James reading and said she was impressed and told the other librarians. I just shrugged and said that he "does okay, and he loves to read", or something equally as nonchaldnt. I figured they knew he could read and if they wanted more information they would ask...right?

My son's dr knows he can read. I told him so he knew where he was developmentally, but mostly so that he knew my reasons for eye testing. He just said that was great and he said he was the same. He read early. We all had a chuckle about how all three of us are nerds.

I don't think my parents really get it. I am a nerdy black sheep in my family. But they never question or interfere. Ad they love to read and do math with James. And I have heard that they do their fair share of bragging.

[Mandabplus3]

Yeah if you can get your nana on board they can do a whole load more EL advertising in 5 minutes than we can in 10 years!!!!,     

[CVMomma]

I have been very vocal about EL ever since I discovered how wonderful it is.  I am getting a mix of responses too.  A lot of people just assume that, "Of course, your 2 year old can read and do math.  You were a teacher for 14 years; what else would you expect??"  As if, as a teacher, I have the magic formula that pushes my child into literacy.  Other people politely listen as if I am just bragging. But recently, when my daughter read a story to some friends on her own, they were all shocked.  "Did you hear that?? She actually READ that whole book!!  She was pointing at each word and saying them.  Does she just have it memorized?"  I tried to not respond with, "I have been telling you that!"      I just let my daughter demonstrate that, yes, she can read!  I have several people who are very interested in EL.  I think a few of them are held back by fear of their own inabilities.  Others are held back because they hear other naysayers talking about me and my daughter.  And yet, everyone of them will admit that my daughter is the happiest child they know.  (She really is the best advertisement for EL.  She just has a super personality!) 

The most recent person that I talked to about EL was a total stranger.  My husband and I were stuck in the tire shop 2 hours from home for 2&1/2 hours >  Thankfully, I had brought EL stuff along.  We had just gotten a laptop from husband's boss for early Christmas present, so we were doing Reading Bear and BK programs.  Someone else who was waiting saw us and asked about it.  Poor guy!  He probable heard more about EL than he wanted to!    Anyway, he did seem quite interested, and I hope for his kids sake that he at least looks into it.

I only have one friend who really seems to buy into it, but her kids are all older,  she repeatedly says how much see wishes she had known earlier.  Other than that, most people seem content to watch me "experiment" with my daughter.      This is such a fun experiment!  And I am pretty certain the outcome will be much better than had I never heard about EL!  I am also very thankful for all of you on this forum.  You help me more than you will know!

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