need advice on second child

[piyu]

my husband always wanted a girl but its a boy. now he wants to have a second child but I am not sure whether I'll be able to handle 2 kids or not. Ishan is very naughty & need full time attention.
   out here in forum there are many moms with more than 1 kid..  I want to know how do you manage to handle them . for me you are all super moms!

[trinity papa]

hmm girl ..... you can try TCM .... for higher chances of getting a girl .....

we wanted the first one to be a girl so my wife and i took a special concoction .... and its a girl .... but must find a really really good one ...... as for looking after 2 sorry me can't help .... hoping to teach this one well and when she is older like 4 when she is able to listen to instructions then maybe baby number 2 ..... my wife hopes it would be a boy (it would be since we have the formulae too) .... i am alright with either .... but discipline and oportunities will be given regardless .... equality of the sexes starts at home .....

otherwise you can follow the moon chart its 85% accurate i think .....

[jsmonton]

having the 2nd child is a big responsibilities!my hubby wants a big family as well, he wants to have atleast 3 children, can u imagine!but we have both agreed that we will wait another year for the next child. my son is now 14 months and like ur child he needs alot of attention and love, at his age he is already jealous and possessive over us. when my son turns at least 2.5 yrs old, it would be easier for him to understand and accept sibling.
you should consider all the things before having another child, like are you physically ready for another child. it will be very difficult for you i guess since ur child is still very young who definitely needs all your attention and care. some parents think that its better to have all the kids grow at the same so that it will be 1 shot hardwork but i totally disagree. i want my son to enjoy his toddler years and we wnt to enjoy him first before thinking of bringing another one in the family.
discuss it with ur hubby,bec when another baby comes into the picture then both of u has to care for each child. the first will be with him and you attending to the new born.
the important thing is ARE YOU BOTH READY, its not about chasing the gender of the child u wanted.

[jdhanota]

hi piyu,

I TOTALLY understand you are going through.  My son is 2.5 years old and he is very very active and I already have a vert difficult time keeping him busy with activities because he can become distructive to the point where he throughs out all this things in his room to a big 3 foot pile of toys books, etc.  I then have to spend 2 hours cleaning it because he won't do it.

I also wonder how parents have so many kids and manage to keep a level head.  There are times when I just want to go hide under a blanket when my son get hyper active.

I want to have another one soon only because I feel if my son had someone to play with he would keep busy playing together rather than always sticking to me.  But I have to agree with you that its tough and hard to imagine how people do it with so many kids.  Maybe they use ear plugs!

[Krista G]

I think it is easier to have 2 children than one.  When you have only one child, they depend on you for all their entertainment.  I have six children and they entertain each other, help each other out, do chores and make this ship run smoothly.  If you have a high demand child, you may want to begin some child training to get it under control early.  Well trained children are a pleasure a have around.  I would rather have a dozen well trained children than 1 wild child.  You can learn more about training your children here http://stores.intellbaby.com/-strse-46/To-Train-Up-A/Detail.bok

This book changed my life.  My 18 month old was the typical baby.  She decided she would do what she wanted to do.  Within a few pages of this book, I learned how to be the one in control while lowering my voice and not losing my temper.  It works like magic.


View my blog at www.teachingbabytoread.com

[nicam]

Hi,

I am a mother of 3 girls, 2 1/2, 5 and 7 1/2 yrs. old.  When I had one child only, I often complained why I was a full time mother, and still find it so hard to take care and teach just 1 child.  All the moms older than 40+ gave the same ans.------------- it's because I've got only 1 child!!!!!!!!!!! I would feel much easier to raise kids if I have more than 1 child.

I did not understand why at that time, but now I can certify that those moms are right. We feel hard to raise 1 child because we have no experience to be parents, thus pay all attention on him/her, and they need all our attention, and if the kid have brother and sister, that 1st child have companian to live and play and learn and fight against,... and he/she will be too busy with the 2nd child to draw all your attention and time.  At the same time, you and your hus.'s focus can be sifted a bit, will feel more comfortable and relaxed, less stressful when the second child come, as you already have experience.

And the age diff. is 2.5 to 3 yrs. between the 1st and the 2nd will be good  and the children's age  is not too close and the 1st child have enough love and attention from mum. when it is young, and not too far so they can enoy playing together.

IF u are a full time mum, and without helper, surely it is hard to take care of 2 in the same time.  IF you can afford to hire a helper to assist u, it is not very difficult to raise 2 kids. No matter your financial condition, if your hus. want the 2nd child, he must promised to be actively involve in taking care of the children, esp the 1st one, and willing to sacrifice his personal time,...

At last, I can say you must not regret to have 2 children if you see 2nd child.2 children give you double troubles, difficulties, challenges, but at the same time, double happiness and satisfaction. Do not think for too long time until you cannot pregnant any more.

God bless you!

Nicam

[happymomof5]

dear, your children are the very best thing that will ever happen to you. I'm due in three months with #5 & I'm so thankful to be having this baby.
i won't pretend, it's a lot of work, plus i homeschool them all, but the rewards you get in return far, far outweigh any sacrifices you make.
I'm sorry, i have to disagree with the opinion that you'll be robbing your first child of love & attention by having the second one. The gifts you'll be giving you child: sharing, caring, listening, ... i can go on forever! are the true, worthy of giving gifts that will last a life time for your child. I've lived & taught for 10 years inChina - 1 child country - it's scary to see where their youth is headed, how selfish & totally self-centered the kids are growing up to be, if not realized & dealt with by the parents. It's a subject in itself.
Active kids=smart kids, they need more input. BUt i also totally agree with Krista G. (you sound like a wonderful mother, God bless you!) - whether you have another  baby or not - teaching our children self-control & self -discipline is our prime responsibility as parents. I actually believe you'll have hard time teaching your toddler anything if he can't behave himself.
My first three were a year apart & my first one was very active & demanding (with first time parents though it is, i think, partially, the worry & lack of experience), but when his little sister was born he HAD to learn to do many htings for himself & actually developed many practical skills in the process. The best part came when she turned about a year & stated chasing him (she was a character!) & playing with him, my life actually became A LOT easier than when i had only one!
I can go on for a very long time on the subject. If you want advice from the one who;s been there done that - by all means, go for it (don't worry about the sex, you & your hubby will love to pieces whoever comes!), the sooner the better, so they can be close to each other, feel a part of one another's life & form beautiful, life-long friendship. You'll never regret it!
A little word of caution about hiring help - although can be a definite physical help, either make sure that you are the one caring for the children, or your & your helper's view on child rearing & discipline are the same. otherwise it makes it very difficult to keep the standard & consistency in your child training.

[tatianna]

 happymomof5 you are a gift to this forum
i have one with another one on the way
my hubby is not happy about this at all
but i am thrilled[and a little scared]
thanks for your wisdom on this subject
i feel better already

[Krista G]

Tatianna,

I don't know how far along you are, but I hope you can celebrate the life you are carrying.  I know it is hard when your spouse isn't thrilled about it.  Every life is a reason to celebrate.  Of course he will love the baby to pieces when it is here.  It is so hard for many men to share in this miracle we receive.  Enjoy every minute of your pregnancy.  It is such a wonderful experience. 

[nhockaday]

Congrats, Tatianna! How far along are you?

[trinity papa]

Hi tatianna ..... congratulations its about the right age apart ...... 2 yrs for the body to recover and allowing the body to recover from the previous birth and therefore given better health a better pregnancy .... medically speaking of course ... new research shows ....

However i am concern about why your hubby is unhappy. Is it not a plan pregnancy?? is it financial constraint? Is it time consideration?? I think its best to take it out and work it out so that you can remove any misgivings before the birth as it really needs a couple to work together both for the baby's 1st yr of life and for the mother's recovery after birth .....

There are alot of differences in views, in lifestyle, in beliefs in this world. Some rich people may feel that they need a million dollars to give the child the best of the world they want their child to succeed to go to good universities etc this is resource restraint .... others may want more for the warmth and feelings of joy and gratitude ...., some lives within their own expectations and views of their world and how they want it to be ..... others may feel constrained by the demands of the world .....  some knows their resource limits and yet some simply have no problems living of the state ..... (plenty of it in the news)

On the practical side of things, it's best to work it out, and settle on a understanding and a plan together ..... otherwise the marriage may suffer, the child may suffer, and the other children may suffer. Afterall it is not about the joy of pregnancy, its not about the smile of the baby, it's about a life you brought into the family .... that both of you have to care for, provide for, love and nurture to be a better person .... till he or she is independent and that could be some 20-30-40-50 yrs ... and to have great wholesome happy succesful kids .... its starts with the family ... it starts with the parents .... it starts with oneself.

[piyu]

A big thank you to all of you.. your opinion & thoughts have made it easier for me .. I was not sure what to do & was very puzzled.. I knew that I'll get my answer here.
   I guess I should agree with my hubby & go for a second.

[wintermommy]

Hi piyu, go with the flow. When your second child arrive, it wouldn't be so hard as you expect it to be. Try not to do everything on your own. Task should be divided between you and your partner.   
    Having a bigger family is always fun. I grew up in a large family. So good luck and enjoy your kids.

[trinity papa]

Hi piyu ....you mentioned your hubby wants a girl right??

If your interested i have the moon chart which i will be happy to PM to you ... but its in chinese .... the accuracy is 85% .... its very safe its very natural ..... you don't have to take anything ... you just have to time your pregnancy with your age ..... it was developed some thousand or more yrs ago ..... it might increase your chances of having a girl .... of course there is also the diet approach too .... its just a matter of who eats what types of protien ...

 

[Joanna07]

piyu, don't think twice and get to work    

Both I and my husband want another child very much, I'm still breastfeeding and unfortunately not ovulating yet. Hopefully  it will happen soon for us

Tatianna congratulations

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