PokerCub Update

[seastar]

Thank you all for the encouragement... I really need it sometimes!

I think every parent does, especially when you're trying to do something different from the norm. I love to read about baby Cooper's progress & that of the other children on the forum as it encourages me to keep going with our activities.

By the way, are you guys planning on using sign language? I feel it really helped my daughter's speech, along with me constantly narrating what I was doing - she said her first meaningful word at 5 months, & I didn't even know anything about early learning back then. I also read to her from the day she was born with the result that by 12 weeks she could attend for long periods during reading sessions & used to turn the pages for me. And you're right, reading certainly leads to greater diversity of vocab, especially if you read books by many different authors - a point very well made in The Read Aloud Handbook.

With baby R I'm focusing on two signs, milk & potty. I also try to sign any words on YBCR & LR.

I definitely agree regarding the sound play. With my daughter, while I spoke to her constantly, I feel that focusing on sounds rather than words with my son has led to more vocalisations & more conversational units in our interactions.

Nee - your point about the simplification in LR is an interesting one. I feel that LR is responsible for my daughter's excellent pronunciation & articulation as she hears each word enunciated so clearly.

[sonya_post]

I'm reading this thread. I just turned 43. I have a 17 y/o son and a two year old ooops baby. My husband wants more kids. Reading this almost and I do mean ALMOST makes me want to have another one.

Great job and loving your blog and this thread. I'm wondering what is going to happen when all these EL children come of age.

 

[nee1]

PokerDad,

Thank you so much for the detailed explanation. It's clarified a lot of things for me and I'm grateful.
Any further insights are highly welcome. Thank you.

[PokerDad]

PokerCub Crushes a Milestone:
http://pokercub.blogspot.com/2012/09/pokercub-crushes-milestone.html

Very slow day with the Cub. I had him for about an hour and he wasn't really active. It was a difficult day for me in general, but it feels good to post this and see some of the fun we had this week.... this is his 10 week old update even though he turns 11 weeks tomorrow (video was from a few days ago - and I just now have the time to post... sigh, very challenging this parenting thing)

in other news, late next week, so around his 12, 13, or 14 week update, I plan on having another awesome milestone crushing... but I only post the teaser to make sure that I make an effort to follow through... I can't guarantee it, obviously, as these things aren't up to us parents 

Either way, I'll make a post somewhere in the next week or so to discuss a few of the things we're doing.

[tlyoung]

Ohhhh so cute, it brings back memories of DS. Hard to beleive he was that size 2 year ago. Poker cub is a very lucky cub, glad to see how much you are enjoying your time with him.

[nee1]

Good heavens, this is so impressive!!! At just 10 weeks of age!!! I'm shocked, honestly.

Seriously, you are a model DomanDad.

[PokerDad]

Thank you!

Things are beginning to turn a bit in the "Poker" household. To my shock and amazement (even though I actually did predict this would happen eventually) the wife has begun to put Cub on his potty during diaper changes this week - and to the best of my knowledge she's had success every single time! She's now FULLY on board our partial EC efforts (though she still makes me clean out the bowel, which is fine by me!)

I think most of the EL stuff will follow a similar pattern.... eventually everything will speak for itself.

My wife literally told me this week "He wouldn't be where he is today if I was home with him instead of you"

Now.... let's be truthful for a moment. Some of this is just Cub, but much of it IS that I give him loads of opportunity and there are days that I "work" him hard. My guess is that we're active the amount of time the average parent is passive - which is perhaps 80% or so of his wake time. A part of me has started to see different progress rates when he's with me vs his mom, and certainly home vs. not at home or home vs other relatives. It's that noticeable!

So when my wife said that to me, in my mind I know it's true - but I will never say that out loud and frankly have never ever met a mom that didn't think she was the best thing for her child... so I looked at her and said "You don't actually believe that, do you?"
Cub's mom is very interactive with him and loves him a lot, as do all the family members... it's just none of them are willing to give him all the opportunity that I do. So, it's not as though he'd be lagging behind with mommy... but this work does come at a cost to me - I was close to a break down yesterday, and not because of my efforts per se, but rather that Cub takes 20 to 30 minutes naps once or twice during the day which is only long enough for me to eat and rest a little. Over the course of a few weeks, I started feeling so behind in work and very stressed with some deadlines. Poker, for me, is totally caput right now, which hurts... it's like watching a dream drive off faster than you can run to keep up.... but, it's okay. I cannot wait for the day when Cub and I start playing each other hard like the epic chess matches I used to have with my great uncle when I was a kid (we stayed up one night until like 2 am until I think he finally won)

Anyway - I guess I post all that unnecessary information because I have no one else to talk to about it, and to sort of show that my efforts ARE going noticed.... we're making progress as a family, and for that, I'm very pleased.

[nee1]

You are doing great, PokerDad, really, really great. And I promise, you won't always feel so tired. Once he gets on a predictable routine of sleep, wake, eat, play, it will give you enough time to catch up on work. And once he starts sleeping through the night, you're free, I mean, free, no more (or very little) tiredness, etc. Things will improve, it really will. Life with a newborn is always very hectic, lots of coping by the parents, lots of adjustments, etc. But before long, things do stabilise, and you'll have your life back. I promise.

And don't think the information you post is unnecessary, no it isn't. It's inspirational, and most of us are using you as role models for our current kids/ future babies. Be encouraged, you are doing really great.

[mybabyian]

Really, I am so jealous that I didn't do more with Ian.  You are doing an awesome job as a dad.  Your son is very lucky.  And, I am glad you are sharing your journey with us so I can learn for the next one. 

When Ian was born I was totally overwhelmed as I took care of him almost 100% of the time.  My husband worked long hours.  But, I was fortunate not to have to work myself.  So I am grateful for that.  I wish I had known about this forum then too.  I think that would have helped me when feeling overwhelmed.  I dropped many of the things I had planned on doing for him.  We did almost no physical program in the beginning.  Although, I did let him stand a lot so he ended up walking at 9 months.  Unfortunately, he barely ever crawled though.  He always HATED tummy time.  I happen to think he is still a pretty amazing guy and I know what I have done for him is helping him so I am not too worried about it.  But, yeah, hang in there.  You are doing great.

[Mandabplus3]

It's damn refreshing to hear a DAD admit to the same feeling us mums have! Fear not pokerdad you are not alone. Inadequate feelings are part of the parcel as are the meltdowns, near meltdowns, cold dinners, lost opportunities and self life sacrifices. Sometimes it may not feel like it but it is definately all worth it in the long run!

[linzy]

It definitely gets easier. Especially once they are napping more and once they enjoy reading to themselves. The thing to keep in mind is that all the effort sowed now will be reaped 10 fold in the future. So even though you are working hard now the time and effort you put into teaching each thing is much less than it would be if you taught months or years in the future. And the more you teach now the sooner your little one will have a framework in which to better understand each thing they learn and the learning will grow exponentially. But also don't push yourself to the breaking point, you've already done so much make sure you take some time to refresh yourself and also see if there is anything you'd like to change in your plan.

[Korrale4kq]

I love reading your updates and blog! I loved the video. Pokercub's grasp of cause and effect was really good also. I also agree with 10 weeks being pretty early for standing as well as he does. James stood early like that too. Which in turn did lead to him walking early.

Keep up the good work!

[Kerileanne99]

Okay, so maybe I am the pessimist in the forum! It does get easier as his sleep patterns become more regular and you learn to plan around them more effectively.

And yes, I am not telling you anything you don't know, both intellectually and in your heart. You have seen this with your own eyes in PokerCubs case.  In my experience, I proceeded upon 'faith' alone for a few months.  It is INCREDIBLY rewarding to see impressive progress and irrefutible proof of hard work, research, and planning.  And yes, it is rarely discussed, but the primary caregiver, especially the primary researcher, is largely responsible for this, of which you can take immense pleasure and congratulations (if only in a forum such as this and in your own mind!)

However, it is extremely devastating to experience the seeming death of self.  To realize, that despite significant planning and denial, seeing it happen with other new mothers and fathers and promising that it
will NEVER happen to you, there just is simply not enough time in a day to accomplish everything.
We didn't have Alex until late in life, and I was absolutely convinced we could have it all! Yet I, as primary
caregiver, abandoned (at least temporarily!) pursuit of an advanced degree and whereas we used to rock climb several times per week, with regular trips to exotic locals was forced to abandon much hope of this. 
While Hubby managed to maintain...Also,  Hubby and I ultimately also made the decision to forego even
semi-risky climbing together as it seemed incredibly irresponsible to risk, even in the smallest degree, both
of her parents.. So it always feels like a serious inequality, actually for both of us, as the grass is always greener...

I wish I could promise that everything would work out perfectly! That as PokerCub gets older it will all just
'work out'.  For us, the truth is day to day- but I look at what we have accomplished with the light of our lives, literally, and am so proud. Moved beyond words at what we have managed.

You will have great days, where you feel like the best, most supreme EL dad that ever lived, and days
when you feel guilty for not accomplishing 'anything' other than loving your child! But all of these are
incredibly necessary, and you WILL find a good balance!

We are all so proud of what you have accomplished in such a short amount of time, and all of us know the
roller coaster that parenthood is...and if parenthood is a roller coaster, then EL is the most amazing/thrilling/excruciating/frightening of all!

Celebrate the good days and hld on tight for those that are rough! And know that you will always have support here, even just to vent!

[nee1]

The thing to keep in mind is that all the effort sowed now will be reaped 10 fold in the future. So even though you are working hard now the time and effort you put into teaching each thing is much less than it would be if you taught months or years in the future. And the more you teach now the sooner your little one will have a framework in which to better understand each thing they learn and the learning will grow exponentially.

I agree. In my opinion, early learning is a form of investment, providing a framework for further knowledge.

Further, I consider early learning as a form of insurance, to prevent problems in the future.
As Linzy said, ``the time and effort you put into teaching each thing is much less than it would be if you taught months or years in the future''.

I found this past thread (http://forum.brillkids.com/general-discussion-b5/do-you-get-worried-that-it's-not-really-for-the-kids/).  Alakori's story (and that of others)  on that thread inspired me to continue my EL efforts.
And so did Tonya's teaching story (especially the bit about her brother's challenges in school): http://forum.brillkids.com/announcements/brillkids-featured-parent-tonya's-teaching-story/msg79689/#msg79689.

You never know the future problems you'll dodge by doing EL.

[Kimba15]

Pokerdad. You will have good and bad days, and lucky now he is just a bub. Even if he has days where you are shattered and have very little energy to do anything it is okay. He will still be miles ahead even if you feel miles behind. I still think I could have done more with Miss S and Miss A but they are still ahead of the curve and learning is now more fun and relaxed than I have a strict routine which I must get through all of the learning.

There will be times where you may not make any progress for weeks especially when cub is sick or teething or just doesn't want to and not to mention the days when you will spend the entire day disciplining cub rather than teaching and wondering where you went wrong.

Keep going and cub will reward you over and over again and just remember it is okay for you to have a 'day off' where you might just read books and nap when he does.

And most of all it is so refreshing to see a dad who is exhausted and not a Mum.

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