sharing my observations of my 4 year old.

[fatima786]

hi there

i would like to share my experiences with early learning and some things ive noticed now that my child is older.

we started with doman around 6 months and switched to little reader when my son turned a year.

he began reading words at 16 months, even if i wrote them on paper and he began reading books at 2.
the experience was totally amazing and rewarding to watch and i get to do it again with my 3 month old daughter!

just a few personality observations, please let me know u have experienced something similar

1. my son became difficult to parent. he always wants things that are above him. things 4 year old shouldnt play with. he wants to go to work instead of school, wants to ride dads bike instead of his own which is impossible. insists that he is a big man and if a someone tells him "what a cute little boy or refers to him as little, he goes beserk.

2. he seeems to be in his own world around other kids. he wont initiate conversation with them or a game and if they start something with him he doesnt play. he does his own thing. im not sure if it bothers him that he is not in "the group" or if he even notices or cares. he loves adult conversations though and can chat for hours.

3. his gross motor skills seem to be behind his peers. i took him for OT and after 3 months they recommended sensory integration therapy. he goes for swimming but hasnt made progress or learnt anything new from day 1. its been 3 months now. it almost seems as if his mind and body are not in sync.
i dont want my child to be perfect but if he is hving difficulties in any area i would like to help him.

anyone have any thoughts or experiences toi share


will be much appreciated.

thanks

[Skylark]

Thank you for sharing your observations. I am sure it is very different for each child, as a lot depends on sum total of factors, including social interactions, cultural preferences, individual character, reactions to child's progress from those around him, etc.

It would be very interesting to hear from others. I only can speak from my personal experience.

I can share my observations. Our older girl is 2.5. She is very sociable and usually going out of her way to initiate conversations and play time with other kids, younger or older. Lots of children we meet around here are used to keeping to themselves, so this characteristic of going out of her way to initiate playing and talking with them, definitely stands out.

We did reading, math, EK, arts, and 3 languages with her since 4 months, she also was potty trained from birth. So there was no lack of comments and reactions that she was easily able to observe about her being "smart" and "big girl". However we tried from the very beginning to make sure that she does not get too much of that. Of course we praise her for her accomplishments and we are happy, but we also encourage her to be kind and nice with other kids and, we make sure that she understands that she is a little girl and some things are just not for her. Like when she wanted to have dad's car keys, we got her a set of play keys and explain that kids can not play with dad's car keys, period. So there is a definite differentiation between learning things and knowing her place ( in a nice way of course)

We also around a lot of kids with special needs, orphans, etc And we tried to emphasize to her that even if she knows how to read or say numbers or letters, these kids might have a little bit harder time, and she can share the knowledge with them, instead of just showing them what she can and they cant do. We actually went out of our way to make sure she does that. And now she is really good with that.

Also, I believe, reading and having and opportunity for early learning really boosted her self esteem. And as such she is very generous with her attention to others and affection to her little brother. I am so thankful for that, as I was concerned that she would get jealous when he was born. Not at all, she always talked about him to others. And when people ask her name and age, she would always say I am 2 years old, and Baby A is my brother, he is one ( since he can not talk yet, she feels responsible to make sure she tells others about him  )

So actually my observations were such that early learning helped to boost her self esteem, and as a result made her more sociable, compassionate and willing to try new things, not being scared of failing. That in particular shows in her motor skills, climbing, gymnastics. She is pretty determined to try new things all the time and not afraid to fail. She is pretty advanced in her gross motor skills, even though physically she is on the smaller size.

Again, this is just our personal experience.

[LDSMom]

My thoughts to each of your numbered points:

1) Is it possible this is just a stage he's going through? I think at some point all kids want things that are out of their reach, and we just have to work with it and explain why it's not possible, and time sorts it out.

2) I believe Aleka, Dr. Titzer's daughter felt more comfortable amongst older peers in school, I believe she jumped a grade or two, but she enjoyed being around those on the same intellectual level. Perhaps try to find a friend for your son who is on a similar level intellectually, and who's willing to play with him even though he's younger.

3) My son wasn't so good at his large motor skills, so i put him in gymnastics, and it took some time, but now he's doing awesome. Maybe try Karate, Gymnastics, Ice Skating, T-Ball, or anything different from swimming. Change it up until you find something he likes.

[fatima786]

thanks for sharing skylark. wow what an amazing daughter you have. its great to hear such positivity.

LDSMom. thanks for the advice on each of the points. i do feel that maybe its just a stage. he wont be that way forever. i guess its a matter of just being patient.

i guess regarding socializing we will have to give it time as well and find him some older friends.

its a good idea as well to find a new extra mural involving gross motor and i guess to persevere. there has to be a break through at some point.

[fma001]

My eldest daughter is 6. She was reading before the age of 2 but she is a completely normal child in every other way. She is sociable and likes to play with kids of all ages. I don't think early learning is in any way a factor in what you are experiencing with your son. He does sound like he is mature for his age. Do you feel that he connects more with older kids?

[Skylark]

On another note, my daughter does connects easily with older children and adults, and I think it is normal, as she is curious to learn more and have healthy self-esteem. The secret is, I think to encourage healthy interactions and teach tolerance and respect. Also I am trying to teach her that in situations she can not learn from someone she can help them to learn something new, and that challenges her to do that and she likes it

[Lisac]

Hi,
That's wonderful about how early your son learned to read. I bet he will help his little sister to read too.
No matter how brilliant and lovable our children are they are constantly changing so we need to change and learn with them, every age and child presents their own challenges. I don't think there is any negative to early learning-

I have a 4 year old son that sounds very similar to yours. I'm sure we could share some funny stories.

1) My son also wants to do grown up things, he's postive he can drive the car ( I think I have him convinced to wait till he's 16, but I'm not leaving the car keys lying around ) sometimes he even tells me he is going to work, tells me about his office all kinds of details, starts heading out the door to go to work . . . I just listen, acknowledge him and distract him from actually going out the door. Sometimes I play along 'OK see you later have a great day!'

I've had to talk with him about what he thinks of himself vs how other people see his body. 

As far as the going beserk when someone calls him little, I have had similar experiences. Kids have their own opinions and points of view just like adults -- they just haven't figured out the social way of handling it when someone's ideas don't align with theirs.The way I have handled it was to talk to him about it, then practice an appropriate way for him to handle it. . . Make sure he's well fed and rested and ready to listen, then bring up the subject --- I know you don't like being called little, or remember the other day when the lady at the store said . . . ? Let him say whatever it is that he thinks about it  no matter what it is. Then tell him that you are going to show him a different way to handle the situation (you can even ask him for his own solutions) Then practice a less emotional response. It can be as simple as you pretending to be the lady and saying whatever sets him off then him saying I know you think I'm little but I think I'm big or I'm not little I'm 4 years old! I really make it into a game so he has fun practicing it. If that is too hard for him then start with him pretending to be the lady and you showing him what he could say. Then when the situation comes up and he doesn't go beserk I really praise him for how he handled it.

2) Because we lived in a rural area where there were not many kids his own age he was not exposed to many children until about 6 months ago when we moved to the city. He was more comfortable around adults and would gravitate toward them or play by himself rather than try to interact with other kids his age -- he loved playing with older kids.

When we moved to the city I put him in a preschool so he could get experience with kids his own age - at first he tended to play by himself or just observe ther other kids from a distance. He had ALOT of questions about why the other children would cry or act certain ways when he came home - he just didn't have the experience of what other kids his age acted like - nobody had ever just grabbed a toy from him or cried because they missed their mommy --- now he is just as happy to be with children or adults.

3) What exactly is the situation with his motor skills that you feel needs to be handled?
Perhaps if you are more specific someone can post some other suggestions for you. Below is a link on what is age appropriate.
http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/health/724-developmental-milestones-ages-3-through-5.gs

[Maquenzie]

My 4 year old boy sounds similar too. At least on points 1 and 2...and we didn't do early learning with him (Doman/Little Reader type stuff). He started reading (very little) at 3.5, and at 4.5 is on a 1st or 2nd grade level. So, he's a little ahead of the game, but not light years as far as reading goes.

He has trouble with socialization and prefers older children or adults.

I haven't heard him called "little" lately, but he'd give you the stink eye (or worse) if you called him "cute".  He also thinks he's just around the corner from being able to drive.

I wonder if any of this is first born male tendencies?

[TracyR4]

I hate to compare with its a boy thing and a girl thing. But , its a boy thing. 
Boys are much more physical than girls , much more fearless, and want to be the 'big guy' of the house.

Girsl tend to be more socialable. I think our experience has been much more like Skylark's. But then I have all girls.  So no boys to compare this to. 
I think early reading has helped my youngest to be more confident. Some she really, really needs since she was born with health problems. She is much more sociable than my other three were at this age. And she will play with kids of all ages too if they want to play with her. 

If your son is your first born , they tend to gravitate towards adults anyways. Honestly, I am a first born and this was my personality as well. I didn't have much interest in other children but wanted to be included with my mom and her friends. I'm 35 yrs old and the "older" people gravitate towards me and my husband. My oldest was used to being around adults and she's 13 and she relates to adults. I think its because the first borns have no one to play with so they are more involved with adult activity. Then once you have other children, those younger ones rely on the older ones for entertainment.

I agree with the gross motor skills. Get him involved in sports. Swimming is a good sport, one you can do for the rest of your life. But just don't stick with one sport. Have him join T-ball, soccer, foot ball, whatever is available to you.  Get him to try out different things. Gymnastics, Dancing, Karate, ,,etc. and find what he likes. Everything will follow as long as he's not dealing with any health problems. Even then you'd be surprised. My daughter was born with multiple birth defects if you saw the list of what she was born with on paper you would think she was invalid. But she's not. She has multiple vertebral (back) issues and she is on a toddler gymnastics team. She also is missing a thumb and she does great! So know that kids will adapt in every way and if he's not dealing with health issues. Trust me, he'll be doing things soon enough. All children develop at their own rate.

[DadDude]

Bear in mind that many four year olds are difficult.  I have two different child-rearing books that say this, and both of them say that when they turn five, they mellow out a lot.

Well, that's certainly happened with H.  He was quite difficult when he was four, but just in the last couple months, soon after his fifth birthday, he became much less argumentative, less demanding, more tractable, less prone to tantrums, etc.

[fatima786]

such interesting ideas to implement.

let me share some back ground info. i am a teacher. i run a preschool. the school opened when sa'ad just turned a year. i guess i have a variety of kids to compare him with. he comes with me to school. he also participates in extra murals like pottery, brix and blox, gym kidz, soccerstars and then the swimming. i guess thats why i wonder why he isnt  so physical like the other boys at school that love soccer etc. he doesnt show dislike for sports but he isnt crazy about it either. he'd rather play with his cars when my husbands initiates ball play at home. its almost like he takes himself out of the game coz he doesnt want to fail. its tricky! im not sure if its motor skill issues or he just doesnt want to fail even though we encourage him.

his first exp with a child was his cousin who is the first granchild in my husbands side and she didnt take well to another so she always tried to hit him. shes out grown that now and they do play. she tries to initiate play and he just doesnt play with her the way children would.

even at my school he is usually by himself.

i think there is a diff bet boys and girls.

i think as daddude mentioned it could just be age i shouldnt panic.


he is an amazing kid snd i should just enjoy him.

btw if u ask him his age he says he is 18 and he has a license so he can drive.

its just hard i suppose when u have a boy who should be doing boy things and playing sport who doesnt really want to . esp with his dad as its nice to bond over a game of ball.

also scary if its something that needs treatment like low muscle tone

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