Why should my baby become smart?

[maweri]

Hello everyone,

I never wrote much about myself. I'm young 21 years old, a physics student, hopefully I get my Bachelor degree soon, my baby boy is 11 months old, now starting to stand on his one... In the morning he is with his russian nanny whilst I am studying. In the evening I'm trying to speak English with him, my husband speaks German (sometimes vis versa we're not sure yet, sometimes I even speak French). At the weekends we visit his grand parents who also speak Russian. So there is already some language exposure. We have all Brillkids software products, sadly not useing them frequently yet. At home we mostly have wooden toys, no plastic, some Montessori-like and Waldorf-like things. As they are so beautiful I'd like to get more, but as we're two poor students there is no way
Okay... But I'd like to get some Nikitin games (Do you even know this learing style?) for my boys birthday. That led to an interesting discusson with my husband... We both accept and belive that early learning makes smart children, that children can learn many different languages and that babys can learn to read. But there was a big question: WHY should my child get smart?

Okay, now a little bit background: Me, myself, I always had the best marks, I was the third best of our high school year...  (I'm from Germany, you could say I got a really high SAT). Now I'm studying Physics at a really good university... My mother always said: You're getting good marks, than you get a high SAT, you go to a good university, you get a good job und then you earn much money. During my adolescence I startet questioning everything, I got vegetarian, then vegan, buying organic food, trying to consume less, try to avoid waste, not using plastic, just second-hand cloth, spending less money.  Now as we're living a really poor lifestyle, but being so happy, we asked ourself: Do we really want to go this "normal" way? Participate in this elbow society?
Okay, now it get's a bit romantic: Can't we be really happy, being poor, growing some crops being a self supporter? Or less extreme: Have a part time job, low income but even little expenses (no big house, no car, no fancy furniture) but much time for your family, for reading, learning and relaxing? What is a good life? And then... What do we want for our child? Why does he need to become smart? Shouldn't he just be happy, explore the world on his one and learn what he wants to learn (kinda like unschooling)? Why all that fancy software and montessori toys?
Don't get me wrong, how I already said, I love this things, we already bought some of them... But on the one hand I don't know what to answer my husband on the other hand I'm not even sure myself what I want for my kiddo...

I'm really curious what you're thinking! Do you have some threads/links/blogs about this topic?

Merry christmas!
maweri

[Korrale4kq]

First I want to say I was a little concerned as to what your post was going to be. I thought you were going to be one of those early learning, nay Sayers that wished to bash early learning because there are no proven benefits or something like that. Instead I was quite piqued by your question.

First I will say my husband and I are "poor" we are a low income, single income family of 3. And we are very happy. We have been blessed to live in a town affordable enough that we can own our tiny home for less than the price of rent. Sometimes I yearn for more.. But we live frugally, make the best choices we can and save what we can to enjoy the little splurges. I did many of the things you did. We cloth diapered and breastfed. I buy my son gifts from second hand stores. And I seldom pay full price for anything.
Neither my husband or I are career driven, money yearning types of people. For us the joy comes from raising a family and enjoying the simple life we have.

So why do I do early learning with my son? First why not? we can and we do. But more seriously... I think there are a lot of reasons. And these come in no particular order. I am sure there are more.
I want my son to have an advantage with school. I want him to have some struggles, as it will make him stronger,  but I want him to have the chance to have a running start. I think early learning gives him that.
I want my son to become anything he wants to be. If he wants to be a physicist and he struggles with history or geography in school, I want him to have had that head start so that he can cover all those "unnecessary" for his degree subjects by having more time to apply himself to them. And to still maintain good academic standing.  If he wants to have a low paying job and be happy, so be it. But I don't want him to regret not having had the chance to be anything he wanted to be when he was younger and his brain was more supple and things were easier to learn.
Also... Scholarships help pay for college.


This one is very important to me. Because it is fun! And early learning enhances life. My son just turned 4 and his life is so rich. Not in a monetary way. But he has so much knowledge that his play, his creativity, and his daily life is richer, more full of variety and ideas. People have mentioned that his interests are so complex and he loves such a wide variety of things. One moment he is playing engineer as he constructing an elaborate contraption, that we learnt about from learning about, simple machines and other basic physics concepts like forces, inertia, energy and more. The next moment we are discussing how the mammary glands of a cow makes milk as he is playing farmer. Next moment we are acting out scenes from A Little Princess as we discuss charity and kindness and having a positive attitude. Many of my friends children are mostly just acting out the latest Disney movies and are obsessed with certain characters to the expense of all the wonderful things in our world. This leads to me next reason.

This world is a wonderful amazing place and I think knowing how things work is joy. Knowing why we have seasons, how to predict weather, knowing how to speak several languages, or how to converse with pretty much anyone, anywhere about a variety of subjects because one is so well read is bliss. It makes for a happier life. At least I think it is. And it is my ultimate goal to be sage like.

The above reasons were important before my son was born. This next reason mattered more after I met him. My son had some issues at birth and some medical issues for the first few years of life. There was an 80% chance of mental retardation from lack of oxygen at birth. Then an additional 80% chance on top of that due to failure to thrive. He was in an early intervention program, red flagged for autism, later with a preliminary diagnosis,  he had social issues and speech regressions. Now at 4 years old he is above average developmentally, he has extensive vocabulary and his autistic traits are manageable.  He is independent, reads well, loves math and science. He asks hundreds of challenging and well thought out questions.  And he is a great little companion for me to spend my days with. Which makes us both happy.

[Frukc]

Do you have some threads/links/blogs about this topic?

Well, I have. http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/about-the-happiness/
Now I find it hard to read.
There are many similar threads.

Few years ago I thought that parenting is like cookbook. You do this and that, and you get that
But our children belong to themselves. They will find their own way. Your parents raised you in their own way and environment - but you found another preferences anyway.   And, probably, they ensured you some education. Would you be happier if you would have not read all these books in your childhood?

[Mandabplus3]

It's about choices.
By growing smart, well informed children with a good heart we are giving them choices.
They can be who they want to Be.
They can do what they know is right.
They can earn what they need to earn to make a difference.
They will be smart enough to make a difference.
Intelligent people are not ignorant of the world a round them. That is a good thing. Having the choices available to Do something about it comes from true wisdom...reached  after knowledge is acquired  and digested.

[Wolfwind]

I think about this from time to time, as well.  For me, one reason I do it is because I love it and my kids enjoy it.  I'm a stay-at-home mom and I know a lot of SAHMs who complain that their brains stagnate during the toddler years, that they're exhausted and frustrated by being with the kids all the time.  And honestly, when we're on EL breaks, I get this way too!  But learning about EL theories (Doman, Waldorf, Montessori, forest kindergartens, Marva Collins, to name a few I've researched recently) is as much study as my college history classes.  Putting EL into practice is a wonderful experimentation process that changes constantly.  It engages me.  It makes me love being a mom!  I wouldn't give that up.

So, that's about me.  For my kids, at the very least, it's certainly not doing them any harm!  They enjoy learning, or we don't do it.  It enhances their play, because they have more ideas to draw on.

Learning is sometimes hard work, but they don't need to know that yet (at 3 years and 18 months).  I like the idea that they will never remember not being able to read and do arithmetic; they won't have bad memories of those basic parts of learning.  I think that will help them keep the attitude that learning is great.  We'll see if it works, but it makes sense to me.

One quote I like, though I have no idea of the source, is "Education is the ability to make finer and finer distinctions."  In any field in which you're educated, you can distinguish between things that seem the same or unimportant to someone with no education.  And having that ability makes things more fun.  I enjoy a walk in the woods more when, occasionally, I can say, "That's a silver maple" or "That's a cardinal" rather than just seeing trees and birds.  It's the same in every field.  And I want my kids to have the opportunity to enjoy things more by being educated about them.  It's fun for all of us.

So, basically, my kids will have all these educational activities and items because I enjoy teaching them, and I see them having fun with learning.  With those reasons in favor of it, really, why not?  (Although, as I said, we take EL breaks when I don't have the energy or time, and there's always the money issue...  But I try to enjoy what we can do and not let it become stressful.)

[bybykalka]

Your life and the life of your baby can become more interesting with the early learning. But it's only my opinion

[robbyjo]

I think it is important to know that what your kids' want or need may be different than yours. Having good grades in school simply opens up possibilities for your kids should they want to be doctors, engineers, scientists, or businessmen, for example. In short, you never know what they aspire to be until much later and you want to open the door of opportunity as wide and early as possible for them. And that requires some great education---and EL is definitely one of the key.

[GloriaD]

... so sorry to add something without having time to read the whole tread - my apologies to everyone for that ... but in reply to the title
why should my baby become smart .. all i can say is ... why would you feed a baby?  LOL
why change the diapers?   

[samyuktha]

Hmmm.. In very simple words, because I love to learn and I wanted my child to love learning. I believe that good grades, School, Jobs, Money are all a result of that love.

I actually took up early learning because it was a way for me to bond with her and engage her. Later on, she started insisting on learning more and more and as a result, she is learning faster than I can teach her. Honestly, I am the one now getting overwhelmed as I feel I'm doing an injustice to her by not keeping up with her needs and yet, seeing the number of videos, materials, books, programs, software in this forum a lone, I'm racking my brains on what to start with that won't break the bank.

My parents loved to learn and would read books, pick other peoples' brains in conversations even in their later years. Ours was a family that had lots of books, paper in the house to scribble/write on. We talked to each other a lot and hardly ever watched TV despite having cable and access to everything. I can't think of anything that my parents weren't open to and didn't love. It was a very happy childhood and I believe most of the reason why we were so open to learning, challenges and finally why we did so well in school and our jobs.

I want my daughter to have the same joy and happiness though right now, the iPad is the love of her young life!

[maweri]

Hey there,

sorry, for the late reply, but studying physics is sometimes very exhausting... In 2 weeks I have some exams.
But thanks for your great replies! I'd love to copy them in my autograph book. You really spoke inspiring words...

I think my main problem was, that I didn't understand why a baby or toddler would need so many special toys and DVDs and programs. I looked around many Montesorian blogs (with so many cool toys), was having a glance at Nikitin and of course all this nice Doman cards and software... I'm no no-sayer, as I mentioned I already have all brillkids programs and I'm beliving in early learning and it's benefits, but on the other hand my and my hustand are kind of "natural" or frugal persons. There is also this thought, that these things are not really necessary (aka unschooling is the best). In my head I had a big dissonance, I was thinking round and round. Do you know what I mean? But now it feels better now...

First I reread "How smart is your baby". I was reminded that Doman calls his approach "natural"... He says that babys can learn to read in the same way as they learn to speak. Totaly forgot that thought. Makes sense... Now when I show my baby words or books, I'm not thinking anymore "Hopefully you get smart" but "Maybe you learn another language, shall it be the written one or maybe the language of science". That feels better... And I tried to discover Doman elements in our daily life, because I bought 2 books and didn't do the program (what a bad feeling)!!! E.g. I carried my baby what was much passive movement and now my baby is free to expolore and crawl through the whole apartment and isn't locked in a crib our bouncer.

Second. I found about the Reggio approch by accident. Wow! For me it makes sense to have a "play ground" (grass, sand, wood, ...) in your living room. All these natural elements, playing with sticks and stones, marbles, light that you can learn so many things. And I think doing Reggio is saving us a fortune because I don't feel the urge to buy special wooden toys and games (not that I think they do any bad).


I hope you understand a little bit what my problem is/was, despite my bad writing

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