why should we not praise the child when tested positive?

[vanichezhiyan]

hi all,
I have a basic doubt,why should we not praise the child when he says the right answer? i think we can test the child if he is interested.am i right? and if he is interested , will praising do any harm?
if the child is not interested in testin,but still answers correctly and we praise him,will he not get interested in testing? i am not able to figure out exactly what will happen if we praise. somebody pls clear my doubt.

[Frukc]

have you seen these?

http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/brilliant-kids-lack-confidence-the-perils-of-praise/

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/03/praising-children-risking-failure/

[TeachingMyToddlers]

When possible, praise the EFFORT, not the outcome!

In our house, when our kids fall down, we say something along the lines of "You're okay! Get up and try again, you can do it. [LastName]s try hard, we always try hard! say 'I try hard Mommy!' " Usually they will repeat the affirmation and try again. Of course, if they are really hurt, I will comfort as needed, but we ALWAYS have them try again. Or if they go under in the bath or something, we will have them stay in the tub until they are calm and help settle them, rather than let them end on a "bad note."

I have heard DD say "I try hard." to herself before, unprompted. Falling down is just one of the instances where we praise/encourage effort, not outcomes, but we also fall into the "good job" parenting trap often too. We're only human and a vague "Good Job!" just comes out so naturally. 

[Frukc]

TeachingMyToddlers,
thank you very much for "I try hard", I will elaborate on this

When my girl does something special just say what I see. You climbed that ladder yourself, you calculated it. I like this yellow flower in your painting, it looks interesting.

Sometimes our relatives say things like "you are such a great painter" and I feel some unhappiness from my girl.

[Korrale4kq]

I think it is all in moderation. I think encouragement for the effort is better than then praising the outcome. I know parents that cheer and clap whenever their toddlers do something. The peril with this as that as the kid gets older they expect that same magnitude of praise and when they don't get it they act out or they only 'perform' for it. Note: This is a generalisation.

What I tend to do with the preschool aged children is to encourage them and to try and work to their personal best. They themselves should take pride in their effort, and their own outcome.

When my son falls over we always sing the "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again" Little ditty. And he now does a little dance to this.

We also put my son back on the proverbial horse. For example when he topples his bike I try to get him to try again and then we stop bike riding when he has reconnected with the fun of it again.

[vanichezhiyan]

thanks everybody. i now understand whats praise and whats encouragement. Usually i clap when he sdays the right answer and nowadays he is expecting others to clap too....Now i understand what i do and what to do... thanks everybody..

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