Wife Scared of TV & Computer Learning Programs Doing Harm

[ExtremeBartendingDad]

Hi Everyone,
Does anyone know of any actual scientific studies that will help convince her?

I love my wife. She is a wonderful, loving mother who really does a great job thinking about and researching what is good for the health and growth of our son. She is definitely in the " overprotective " category and if that's her only fault as a mother, Wyatt and i are very, very lucky.

Unfortunately, sometimes her fears & worries go to far and cause real friction between us. Using learning DVDs and computer learning programs have become a real problem for us with me on one side and her and her family on the other.

Reading has been a big part of my life from an early age and a big reason that i've been successful so i've always wanted to help my kids develop the same love of reading. Wyatt & I started with Your baby can read dvd's and books at 2 1/2 months old and he loved it right from the start. Good cuddle time with daddy and he almost always was totally interested for the full 20 min.

I found Brillkids and was really excited because it seemed to be very efficient and smart. Very much like the Rosetta Stone language software i've been told and that's a very successful way of teaching. I bought the full package w/ reading and math and we started about 10 days ago.

Wyatt's 10  months now and he loves Brillkids too. any learning is fun and we do 10-15 min twice a day and maybe 20 min of a ybcr dvd.

He walks around if he wants while we watch or he'll play with a ball while he's standing and watching. Sometimes we just cuddle but we mix up whatever we're doing so it's never too long for him to get bored or pressured. If he's more interested in playing with his truck, we play with his truck for awhile and come back later.

The flash card flip charts are really helpful too. I want to buy more actually. I look forward to meeting with other parents & kids with the same belief that any learning is good learning when it's fun and all learning is fun for them. Certainly true for Wyatt.

My wife isn't so convinced. She's been very skeptical of anyone, any expert, that has a product to sell.
 she feels a lot of anxiety about it because i am so in favor of using new teaching tools like these programs and we end up having arguments. We have different ways of teaching him language. She is his primary caregiver right now and she constantly talks or sings with him.

I'm recovering from a car accident so my energy and what i can do with him is limited and that's part of the reason i love these programs so much. I can get a lot out of a short amount of time. We both love it and being together. Just like we love playing pass with his ball or any of his toys.

Wife's Concerns/Fears

She thinks using the medium of TV or a computer screen can...
1)  cause ADD and/or ADHD
2) create sleep problems because it stimulates his brain too much.
3) Create some sort of bad neuron or synapse connections
It's the " flashing" that concerns her, not the content.

I don't think any of this is remotely true. If i didn't totally believe what we're doing is not harmful, of course i'd stop. But, Everything that i've read and my insticts tell me that as long as we use many ways of teaching him and we do it with love and fun and mix things up.... how can any of this be bad?

The idea of stimulating his brain in many different ways and from a very early age just makes total sense to me. It sure seems to be helping Wyatt. He's understanding lot's of words verbally. Not really sure about the written words because we don't test him. I must say that many people, nurses & doctors included, have said what an attentive & smart looking/acting little guy.

By the way, we asked my surgeon, head of neurosurgery in 2 hospitals, he says no to # 1  and for # 2 he says he's not a "child" neuro doctor.
Then he started to try to get out of our family argument by being switzerland, " you 2 will have to work it out as a family" and then gave only personal feelings about whether it was " needed" or not to use these tools.
If it isn't harmful....then why wouldn't we use any and every tool we can get to help our child learn about the world?

That argument has really bugged me actually. WHy wouldn't we start teaching about language as soon as possible? And teaching the written word at the same time as the verbal word makes perfect sense.

Ok, Can anyone point me to any actual specific research that has studied any of these programs? like i said, my wife is super skeptical and doesn't trust testimonials much. I wonder if anything will ever convince her. We're at the point where i finally had to say back off. She does like the Brillkids programs because she says it's less " flashing " than the YBCR DVDs.

Wyatt is going to have his daddy time and some of it is going to be playing the learning game. That's what i call it.
I want to read any info about anything that may be harmful to our son, but until she can find something that proves it's harmful.
  Hey Wyatt, want to play the learning game? Or hey Wyatt, it's learning time. I have my laptop set up on the couch, with a cushion taken out to lower his new baby sized table, and he see's the purple or red screen of the reading or math and he smiles and comes right over. He stands and moves around, sits or climbs on my lap or plays with a ball or cuddles. He really likes it, especially the sounds of the animals and the video of the laughing baby I'm just learning how to add our own pictures etc.
Anyway, thanks for reading this big letter and for any thoughts or info you may offer

[Kimba15]

Unfortunately as afar as I know there are no official studies on early reading yet. Although I believe there is one currently under away you would have to ask Daddude. In fact he would be a brilliant person to talk to about it because he is one of the people involved with the study I believe might be worth sending him a PM he would definetly be able to ease your wife's fears.

To be honest I also had similar fears but my husband and I discussed it and we decide that there was more benefit then there was harm. We decided that we would view all 'educational' dvds together before we let our child watch them. We made an agreement that we would not allow commercial tv due to the adverts and all shows the characters must speak properly there was to be no baby talk like teletubbies or have language the language used dumbed down and the list goes on.

We watched YBCR together and we decided that it was very beneficial but that was the only tv show she was allowed to watch for that time then I added LR and she loved that. I also made up the words on paper to flash her which she really enjoyed . I can only give ancedoctal evidence. MAny people comment on her vocabulary and how well she speaks, she pulls books off the shelf and points to the words and reads them.  I have a few issues with sentence reading but we are getting there.

The other thing you could do is show your wife studies on teaching children sign language and how that helps there early reading skills. Might be a place to start.

[nhockaday]

I don't know of any studies, but have you read some of the articles on the brillkids site? http://www.brillbaby.com/early-learning/introduction-to-early-learning.php look especially at the for + against section.

[ExtremeBartendingDad]

Thank you to both of you for taking the time to help.

Good suggestions, i'll definitely follow up on that study and i'm not sure if she's read that particular part yet but i just sent her to it.

She is very skeptical of your site because it supports sales of your programs. She works in the medical field so actual studies rather than general opinions that are not supported by specific people/experts etc. just don't mean much to her.

Fair points really and i'd like to see specific research also, however, at some point we have to go with our instincts as parents and adults and use our reason.  Unfortunately for our household, our instincts are on opposite ends of the spectrum

I've read most of your site, big wonderful site, and found the info very well presented, organized and very compelling to me. Just because the info on your site is self serving, that doesn't mean that it isn't true

Kimba says ,"We watched YBCR together and we decided that it was very beneficial but that was the only tv show she was allowed to watch for that time then I added LR and she loved that. I also made up the words on paper to flash her which she really enjoyed ".

We have that agreement too and also on up to 1 hr a day with 30 min the longest at one time. Wyatt and I are having a blast with it.

[Sarah108]

Hi

Have you read Pamela Hickein's book yet called"Right Brain Education" - from www.rightbrainkids.com

There is indeed a lot of research on flashing images and the benefits of it - she speaks of a lot of scientist and their reseach, such as Orentein and Sperry.

The flashing of images is to stimulate the right hemisphere of the brain specifically. so if you're looking for a lot of reseach, then google right brain early education. But take a read through her book, and if you want to get hold of her, she may be able to tell you about all the research she has done in this area. She has been reserching RB education for over 20 years now.

best to try her partner Wennie first, on [email protected]

Best of luck!

[KL]

Thanks for sharing that!

Wife's Concerns/Fears

She thinks using the medium of TV or a computer screen can...
1)  cause ADD and/or ADHD
2) create sleep problems because it stimulates his brain too much.
3) Create some sort of bad neuron or synapse connections
It's the " flashing" that concerns her, not the content.

I think it's a very valid concern.  Actually, the issue involves both the flashing and the content, though both are interrelated.

Let's take an example of what I think many of us consider to be 'bad' content - Cartoon Network.  The reason such content is 'bad' is because of the rapidly moving images.  There is a long, sustained bombardment of the senses (visual as well as auditory), and I can see how it has s the potential of causing ADD/ADHD (that's "attention deficit disorder / attention deficit hyperactivity disorder," for those unfamiliar with those terms), because the stimulation is so long and sustained that the child's senses are being 'numbed'.

If you get ADHD and are hyperactive, then I can also see how it would cause sleep problems.

I'm not sure, but there may even be studies showing this to be the case.

So, the question is, does flashing cards have the potential to cause such problems?  Well, who knows for sure?  We can only use our common sense in the absence of rigorous studies.

My personal view is that the chances are negligible if we're talking about just a few seconds once or twice a day.  LR flash lessons, for example, don't even last a minute!  Are we really risking numbing our child's senses with these lessons?

It's a question of weighing both sides.  To me, the potential benefits of right-brain/flash lessons FAR outweigh the risks of it.  If I were to be so worried about risks which are (to me) as small as this, then I would also probably stay at home all day and never go out.

We're at the point where i finally had to say back off. She does like the Brillkids programs because she says it's less " flashing " than the YBCR DVDs.

Actually, honestly, she might have gotten it the wrong way around.  YBCR is purely multisensory, whereas LR has flash lessons as well as multisensory.  We chose to use both methods as we believe in both methods, and in any case, you can easily choose to not play the flash lessons if you want to (like some parents do).  I believe the multisensory method is far more effective anyway, and that's why it's the multisensory part that take up the bulk of the lesson time.

That argument has really bugged me actually. WHy wouldn't we start teaching about language as soon as possible? And teaching the written word at the same time as the verbal word makes perfect sense.

I think many people are opposed to doing so because of different factors:

- They feel there is no need to rush;
- They don't want to be the type of parent who wants to push their child's development whether the child likes it or not;
- "It's unnatural! It's just not done!" (ie., it doesn't conform to the current 'norm'.)

Of course, the above points of view are based on false assumptions that need not be the case.  Why does teaching your baby to read need to be considered 'rushing'?  If the baby can learn and enjoys learning, how am I rushing? The question should be, "Why then would I DEPRIVE my baby of something she enjoys??"

Having said that, I can see that it IS true that some (maybe even MANY) parents have the 'I want my baby to learn to read, at all costs, and regardless of whether she's enjoying it or not!'  type of mentality.  And that's why we try to stress so much to parents NOT to force their child and to NOT focus on results.  But even if many parents are like that, it doesn't mean all of us have that mindset, and this is actually irrelevant to someone when deciding whether or not to teach her child, because she decides her own mindset.

And what about some positive reasons as why we should start early? Like:

- (again) they love it
- it's much easier to teach at this age rather than later when they will have many other distractions
- developing a love of reading
- great parental bonding time


Anyway, focus on what you and your wife share in common - you both want the best for Wyatt and care about it deeply! I would take this over having a spouse who doesn't really care much!

KL

[Extreme Bartending Grandma]

Hello,
I am new to this website , a first time poster and joined this site because I am grandmother to baby Wyatt and single parent mom of Extremebartending dad. I wanted to know more about these materials so I could decide for myself if DVD and Computer Learning Programs might be in any way harmful to my precious grandson. Although sceptical at first , after reading many of the articles available here , examining the materials and using them with my grandson , I am excited about the many resources now available here to parents who want the very best for their child. In my next post, I would like to share my thoughts based on my particular lifetime experiences as they may offer support to those already in favor and a different perspective to those with concerns.

But first, let me tell you a little bit about me. I am a retired speech/language pathologist with 2 degrees in my field as well as degrees in psychology, education, and special education. I have studied linguistics, biology, neurology, learning theory, child development, normal speech & language development, pathology of speech and language problems, etc.
I spent 48 years practicing my profession in a variety of settings and with children from pre-school thru highschool as well as with adults. I have worked/taught the hearing impaired, developmentally disabled, learning disabled, language disabled, children with English as a second language , neurologically impaired, and children with emotional and psychiatric difficulties as well as children whose only difficulties were with the articulation of speech. As a single parent during most of his early childhood, I raised a son who writes well, speaks eloquently and loves learning. I did it the old fashioned way by making my own materials/games, and spending time both formally & informally interacting with him by playing with words, language concepts, listening games and music. We did ok.  

[Extreme Bartending Grandma]

This is my second post. I'd like to share some thoughts from the perspective of a 69 year old grandmother with a background in and a love of language and words.
We live in a very complex world today where we are bombarded with "information", with words, with ideas , and with concerns that we must sort thru on a daily basis. Our ability to process all this language and then use it to "communicate" or "connect" with others is a primary factor in the  quality of life we can create for ourselves. I applaud those who have studied the process of early learning and created materials to assist parents in exposing their children in a fun way to sequential material on many subjects that will enrich their child's experience. My experience with Brill Baby products as well as Your Child Can Read has been very positive. No, I don't believe we need to use these materials as there are many ways to stimulate a child's language learning. But how wonderful to have them at our disposal ! Instead of taking time to "reinvent the wheel", we have them at our fingertips, can personalize them to our own family's needs, and can therefore spend more time just enjoying the process of sharing the joy of learning and the excitement of discovery with our sons and daughters.
I don't believe our job is to "teach" as much information as possible , I don't believe these activities will make our children smarter than they naturally are, but I do believe that the time we spend with our kids interacting with them using a variety of materials will help them understand their world much sooner and learn to communicate with us and it in a joyful way.

Communication is a circular process not a one way street, which is why I say that our job is not to just "imput" information. The fun of watching them learn to understand, say or read a new word is priceless. But our job is to model "turn-taking" . We talk but we listen and react to their responses too. They sense our excitement and explore further etc, etc.. what a gift . We communicate our pleasure at their moment of discovery, and they see that learning is fun! It becomes a way of being in the world, a life time skill that will serve them well.

And yes, it is possible to have too much a a good thing. It is important to follow the recommendations that come with the materials for the frequency and duration of our sessions . I agree with the previous posters that two sessions of 5-10 minutes each day and perhaps 1/2 hour of an educational DVD watched together with a parent is plenty. And read, read, read to and with your child! Most importantly, avoid being rigid about learning/language time.  Let your child guide you. When their attention wonders, change your activity. But you can always take the content you've been viewing and use it during the day in a natural way..  point out the words you've been introducing as they pop up in other books you are reading, in the toys your children play with, in their experience out in the world.
 I guess in summary, I want to remind parents that even these excellent tools are just that -  tools.  Your intent and your manner of using them are what is important. Bravo to all the parents who are willing to be an active part of their child's world as they learn. These magic moments pass all too soon! And Bravo to BrillBaby for creating an online community to support both Children and parents in this process.

To those parents who are still conflicted I would say there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent...and no guarantees in child rearing. You can find articles and "research" to prove just about any worry or concern.But not all research articles are created equal.Yes ,read as much as you can find about early learning, but also take  a first hand look, perhaps a hands on trial,at any materials you are considreing, then observe with an open mind how your child responds. Sometimes our fears get in the way of exploration and growth that might  enrich us. Children are much more resilient and adaptable than we often give them credit for..in the first 5 years of life they are little sponges and they will learn and grow irregardless We might as well join them in their  journey of discovery, they may teach us !

[KL]

Hi Extreme Bartending Grandma!

I just noticed your replies just now - thanks so much for chiming in!  I especially love what you wrote here:

To those parents who are still conflicted I would say there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent...and no guarantees in child rearing. You can find articles and "research" to prove just about any worry or concern.But not all research articles are created equal.Yes ,read as much as you can find about early learning, but also take  a first hand look, perhaps a hands on trial,at any materials you are considreing, then observe with an open mind how your child responds. Sometimes our fears get in the way of exploration and growth that might  enrich us. Children are much more resilient and adaptable than we often give them credit for..in the first 5 years of life they are little sponges and they will learn and grow irregardless We might as well join them in their  journey of discovery, they may teach us !

That's great advice!

Thanks again, and hope to hear more from you before too long!!

KL

[2010BEBES]

Thank you Extreme Bartendin grandma. You express ir very clearly. I am a grandma of a 3 yr old boy from my son and my daughter is giving birth a girl on february. I appreciate much your words.

I think that being part of your child or grandchild education is one of the best things we can achieve. My grandson does not stop surprising me with all the new things he learns each day.  I agree with what you say:

...I don't believe our job is to "teach" as much information as possible , I don't believe these activities will make our children smarter than they naturally are, but I do believe that the time we spend with our kids interacting with them using a variety of materials will help them understand their world much sooner and learn to communicate with us and it in a joyful way.
....
Sometimes our fears get in the way of exploration and growth that might  enrich us. Children are much more resilient and adaptable than we often give them credit for..in the first 5 years of life they are little sponges and they will learn and grow irregardless We might as well join them in their  journey of discovery, they may teach us !

Hope to hear from you and learn from your experience.

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