Has anyone had a baby after age 41?

[kizudo]

Just curious as to how many of you are out there.  I had a miscarriage last summer and the baby was due three weeks ago.  I'm feeling the "empty arms" thing (although I have a magnificent 2 year old son).  I'm just a little nervous about the possiblity of getting pregnant again even though I would love to have my son have the privilege of a sibling.  I'll be 41 this July.

If you are an older mom, how did you find your first few months/years?  Basically, I'm wondering did you loose your mind?    I find that I'm so tired with one that I'm very worried about running around after two!  I still often nap when my toddler does.

I'm also pretty nervous about the possibility of having a child with extra "issues".

Your honest thoughts are appreciated!

[akalori]

I was 42 yrs old when my daughter was born.  I also had 1 previous miscarriage and a 4 yr old son.  I was nervous but I didn't want my son to be an only child.  Also I had always imagined having 2 kids and my family just felt unfinished.  I'm so glad we had her.  My son adores her.  She brings out his best because he enjoys taking care of her with me.  I was concerned that she might not be healthy due to my advanced maternal age.  Ironically, so far, she seems healthier than my son who has asthma.  Also my pregnancy with her was the easiest.  I gained very little weight, and didn't even feel pregnant until my 3rd trimester.  My OB/GYN told me that many more woman are having children later in life and that avg maternal age at his practice was 38 yrs old.  So don't let your age hold you back, it's a good time to have a baby.

Good Luck, Lori

[Deneen]

Have you considered adoption?  I'm now 44 with a 5 year old and WANTING another one ... but I thing the whole baby thing would kill me.......I'm starting to think about adopting because it would bless the other child, ease my mind on having a child with special needs,  avoid the baby stuff and complete our family......I"m not sure when but adoption is still something we are considering and praying about.

[kizudo]

Yes, we have considered adoption (we were fully registered - just waiting for a child) - back when I was miscarrying (I had 3 before being able to carry my son to term).  I'm not sure that adopting would take the "issues" worry away as you're still committing to take the child - even if you have a "wish list" of characteristics, you may still be presented with the opportunity to take a child outside of that list (as you would in your own pregnancy).  However, financially, it is outside of our ability at the moment.  We'd have to save up and by the time we'd be ready, I fear I would feel too old

Apparently, all the older moms are either running after their kids, napping like I want to be, or non-existent.    If there are any more of you out there, please consider telling me about your experience.  Thank you!

[Frukc]

Hi, I am 41 and I have two children - 2 years old girl and 1 month old boy 
Why you are asking about feeling too old? I am what I am, I am the same person always, and my feeling of myself does not change much with years   I am the same as 20 years ago, but more clever and happier. And I like to sleep.
My both children are rather calm threfore it is easy. Sometimes my son is sleeping on my body while I am reading a book to girl. Girl is watching and helping me while I am working with brother.
Girl goes to kindergarten, 2 days per week. Sling is a very useful thing if you need free hands.

Many moms say that after one year it is easier with 2 children than with 1. Because they are playing with each other.

[kizudo]

Hi Frukc,

I feel old because it seems that I am growing more and more tired each year!  I worry about having enough energy to deal with another two years of interrupted sleep, enough energy to run after two children, enough energy to teach them WELL as I get older.  I know that my son is getting so much of my time now and is blossoming into a very intelligent, polite and responsible little creature.  Introducing a second child will take some of that time away from him.  And, yet, I see so many positives to him having a sibling...so many!  More than I could list! 

Basically, what it boils down to is that I'd like to have my current outlook on life, my wisdom, my character and have the energy I did when I was 20 (oh, and the figure, too!)!  Wouldn't that be great?! 

[Krista G]

Hi Kizudo,

I know what you mean about the energy thing.  I spend most of my life tired it seems.  Just kidding, but I do love a good nap.  I am 38 and the thought of having another baby and being up in the night is overwhelming.  I think because I did it for about 12 years straight, but getting older has zapped my energy.  I am big believer though that God gives us what we need when we need it.  Who knows, you might get an energy buzz from the excitement of pregnancy alone.

[Twinergy]

Hi Kizudo,
I'm only 40, and am chasing around 2.5 year old twins right now.  I also have an autoimmune disease and a heart condition resulting in chronic fatigue.  My DS has always been high needs and is also very spirited.  DS still wakes up 4 to 6 times a night screaming and I still sooth him every time.  He has been a challenge to all our child proofing efforts, I am constantly chasing him down because he has gotten into something unsafe.  Through all this most days I have the energy to do it, although not always the sanity.     

I hear that 3 years is the ideal spacing between children because a 3 yo is old enough to help out.  That is about the spacing you are looking at if you were to get pregnant soon. 

[khatty]

Kizudo,
I'm younger than you, just 35, but somehow I feel tired all day everyday, and I only have 1.  The thought is in my head that way back in my youth I figured I would be the Mother of 4 kids.  For that to be reality I need to have triplets now, or yes I will be (hopefully) having babies at 41.  Condolensces on the miscarriage, very sorry for any Mom struggling through that. 

Have you considered acquiring help so that the energy you do have goes to your child/children?  It is on my serious consideration list right now.  If I can (hopefully) afford to outsource some of the house cleaing, yard work, and bookkeeping then more of my energy can be used to learn with my child.

Hopefully spring comes early to Manitoba.  I find these last few dreary winter days in SK very depressing and energy sucking.  The energy involved in getting into snowgear to go for a 5 minute walks is almost too much these days.  Skip the skating, I want to swim!

I hope you find peace with the path life leads you.

[patreiche]

Well being 50 and taking care of my grandchildren, I would highly recommend having children young. It is very tiring! I had my daughter when I was 25 and she is done with college, her masters and making me grandchildren. My friends from college still have kids in high school because they waited so late. Now, I am still young enough to enjoy my grandchildren. Barely    !

[Skylark]

What really helped me to keep the energy level up and feel more healthy is taking extra B vitamins (like nutritional yeast flakes) and vitamin D ( you can also get some of it by spending a bit more time in the morning sun), as well as lots of green vegetables. If you dont like or cant eat many green vegetables, green powder that you can get at the health food store and add to your cup of water or juice, will do wonders, and you can see your energy levels go up and feel so much healthier! I do midwifery and we recommend green meal ( green powder from differetn green vegetables with chlorella, etc.) for mommies starting from second trimester, and we see amazing results. These are just some tips that I hope can help 

[Indidee]

I may not be adding any information here but I was interested in reading this thread because I am very seriously considering having another baby although I will turn 36 soon and am not so confident of myself.  I already have a 2 year old daughter and she is my world itself - she is so sweet and adorable and the entire experience was so enriching (my pregnancy was among the lucky one's - no problems) that I want to do it again.  But I am so utterly unsure that I have been very skeptical about it. Knowing there are other mum's like me - as experienced (i like to say that) with life as I am is heartfelt.  I hope we have the energy to have all the youthful joy with them throughout their life though... like my mum does.

[zanadoo]

I am 25 and look after three young children and I am tired! Kids are tiring and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you may not have as much energy as when you were younger but it doesn't make you any less of a mum. You will make up for it in other ways, patience, wisdom, finances.  As long as there is lots of love a child will thrive as I am sure you are already proving with your son.

Good luck with whatever happens

[kizudo]

Well...big sigh...I have been silently reading the posts on this thread...gathering your thoughts and encouragement.  Thank you for taking the time to advise and share your stories.
 
Now I am nervously awaiting Thursday's blood test.  Yep...we decided to go for it!  We've agreed to give it only a few months and trust that if God wants us to have a second child He'll have to make it happen.  So...if any of you are prayers, please say some for me!

[waterdreamer]

Good Luck Kizudo

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