Homeschooler's social life

[Kyles Mom]

The biggest challenge for me to answer with regard to having Kyle homeschooled is what about his social life, how to be friends with other's getting to know others, socialising and all that goes in school with other kids, the competition.

To be honest, since he started getting to know other kids, meeting them when they visited or when i met their parents, that is when I started him change for the bad, he started spending more times on toys unlike before and he started loosing his interest in books as he saw other kids love toys! he learnt bad manners and many other negative effects as my way of parenting so differs from the social norm in our country I'll say. I never terrorise or threaten my son as I dont want to him to be fearful of anything/person and this is very common here, so he learnt about folklore legends used to terrorise kids and all.

But I will say he never had problems introducing and making a friend until he started socialising more with other kids... Home schooling is TOTALLY new in my country and people just dont accept this method of teaching, even the educators and educated people find it hard to accept, so i get really burdened with questions and all when I say my son want be attending to school...... and this question often comes up when people find out he is not vaccinated, as no school allows a kids who haven't gone thru those injections in full!

So I want to ask you homeschooling parents, whats your say? Is homeschoolers missing a social life?

[Autumn]

Absolutely not. I homeschool our 2 and 4.5 year old daughters and I even shelter them a bit. Meaning that I prefer them not interacting with other children a LOT because their behaviors are always altered to some degree or another.  I do let them go and play at the park if Dad or  the Granparents want to take them and I also let my 4.5 year old attend gymnastics class once a week. But other than that they are with me or my husband. They are much better behaved this way! And happier too! And when they are with children, they fit in perfectly! Hope this helps some.

Autumn

[mother of faith]

I agree. I have tutored homeschooled children and their behavior says it all. Yes there are some cases that some children need help in the social skills but that just is the indiviual. I myself was school taught and was anti-social, so it just depends upon the individual not the enviroment. I have tutored and taught many homeschooled children and nine times out of ten they were very well behaved, great manners, and a greater understanding of knowledge, just great to be around and to teach. I have also come across school taught children who did acceptionally well when transfered to homeschool.
I too like to keep my children as others have put it 'sheltered' but they really aren't. We attend church, stores, ministry groups, and more.  There are tons of things a child can go to, attend, or just merely go to work with a relative that you trust.
Now a days with the Swine Flu and other things floating around I keep my children at arms length. Even at the doctor's offices we are close, not allowing ineteraction with objects, ex. those magazines, and any trash cans. We do however greet other children but not touching other children.

I think that each child's social skills differ from child to child. My toddler is like me, he loves to keep to himself however my infant loves everyone and wants everyone. Both are just as content as they can be.

Don't worry about social life until they are ready to socialize is my theory. Why rush something that will come in time, say when they start working, and driving, those social skills will kick right in, well they did for me as that age even though I was school taught. Some of us are just late getting started with the social interaction.

I hope to keep my children from the same exposure that I was exposed to, from making the same mistakes I made with choice of friends, keeping their hearts, minds, body, and spirit heavily guarded.

[Nikita]

there are homeschooling groups out there...that's good for socialising. Even chatting over the net is socialising, and you can supervise who your child meets based on having interacted with their parents, plus keep a log of their computer conversations. Sports groups are ways to socialise, without your kids getting too close to anyone. School tends to be where they make their close friends, and as my older 3 are in school (not my choice) I can tell you it's quite nightmarish hearing all the catfights between girls, the fighting between boys, the boys interested in my girls and smsing, myspacing and ringing them all the time. It isnt fun for me. I definitely will homeschool the younger ones. And the loneliness that can happen when they fall out with their friends and are ostracised, walking around by themselves at lunchtime. I myself changed schools at the end of year 7, and at my new school I got in with a shoplifting crowd. I hated being involved, so I distanced myself from them, and I went without one friend for the entire next year!! I hid in the library every recess and lunch. It was awful. And I wasnt the only one to be friendless like that. Socialising kids can be really painful!!! My son is now saying that the new boy at school is stealing all his friends. I really really HATE school...it causes me so much angst, watching what my kids go through, and feeling like they are turning out in ways I dont want. My 12 year old wants to go shopping and to the movies and youth group with her friends, and it really cuts in to family and homework time. She also asked why I buy them so many books. "I dont like reading, mum. No-one at school likes reading." I think if I was homeschooling, there would be more time available for reading, and those attitudes against reading she would never have been exposed to.

[Lil_BeAnS_MoMmA]

I dont have any experience with homeschooling but reading some of these posts alone make me wonder why parents choose to do this.  One parent said she shelters her kids a bit and another prefers it because chilld seems better behaved but what is home schooling exactly? who teaches them? lI hope its not the parent because some of you need some more schooling yourselves.  I truly believe that children go through phases and they should be able to develope their own personalities by interacting with others in general...what next? home schooled kids just going to work from home as adults too?  I think parents may choose to home school because its convenient for them and not really for the child.

[ummu_abdullah]

Maybe you can read more about homeschool. Me in malaysia, is not likes the other moms in UK. Only a little of moms that homeschool their children, but i never hesitate to choose homeschool to. Why? Not because its convenient for me and not really for the child. It is because our education system here cannot give the optimum and effective learning to my children. And also, i'm worried about the social life of the students in that school.

Actually, mother is the best to teach their children... !

[meandlinc]

No offense to the person that is against home-schooling - that's your perogative - but do you have to knock people for having  different view? One cannot deny that most school-systems are sub-par at best and the social aspect - sex ed in kindergarten, gay safe zones for elementary, teachers molesting kids, labeling smart kids as out-casts, etc....  maybe some see this as a problem - ya think? They are doing the best they see fit for their kids, don't judge - rudeness shuts people down.

[THen]

I homeschool my 5 boys.  We evaluate every year and even ask the boys what they want to do.  So far the answer has been that they can work at their own speed (usually, faster than at school) and that they have the flexibility to do fun things when other children are stuck at school (go fishing on really nice mornings and do their work in the afternoon when it is hot outside).  They like it. 

Is their education acceptable?  According to standardized test (which my husband likes for them to take), they are on schedule or ahead.  Was I educated to teach?  No.  I do have an education, (and my husband - a master's degree) but with the good curriculum out there, you can have a high school diploma and still teach your children well.  I think one of the reasons homeschooling works so well is because the children get personalized attention.  What school can give one child hours of personal attention?  And after all, you know your child better than anyone else.  I can see if they aren’t understanding something, or if their mind is wandering faaaaaaarrrr away. 

They get their socialization from church, AWANA (a church kid's club), playing with neighbors, and other friends.  We were blessed with another homeschooling family that had children my children’s ages and they played well together.  The other family had well-behaved children, so they didn’t pick up bad habits.  When my kids were first learning to socialize, I liked getting to be nearby so I could instruct them.  They learned that one should be kind, generous and gentle when playing with others.  That is not a lesson a child would normally learn from other children their age.  Those “bad” socialization experiences turned into teaching times.  We didn’t always choose to play with those children again, but it was a good lesson.  Such things are easier to learn when they are a little older and can better understand your explanations.  With the younger ones, we just made sure there was extra supervision.  More prevention than teaching with younger children. 

My boys are more outgoing than I am.  And, they know how to relate to people of all ages.  They can chat with older adults, as well as play with younger children.  I like that.   

[mother of faith]

No offense to the person who is against homeschool, but I'm sorry but you think homeschooling is convienent for some of us? No way. I gave up my career to be with my children, because I didn't want my child to go through the horrible and tormented life that I had as a child, giving up my career  placed my family in financial hardship and we have had to make some small adjustments. It would be more convenient for me to send mine to daycare. As far as the comment on 'sheltering' I wish my parents would have sheltered me some so I wouldn't have made the choices I did. Do you actually know what goes on in your child's life wherever he/she may go? It might surprise you.

And as far as us needing more schooling some of the teachers in the schools also need more schooling, at least we care what we present to our kids. Some only care about what the state requires them to do. We know what our child is needing, a teacher that has 30 or more students can not possibly attend to every child's needs.THEY DO THE BEST THEY CAN, and so do homeshooling parents. As far as I am concerned WE ALL NEED more education, we can always use more knowledge and wisdom.
Some of us have to homeschool due to our child having a special need that a classroom can not give or who is gifted and needs advanced work.

And who says that we do not allow other adults to also teach our children? We have piano teachers, music and voice teachers, and more, it just isn't us alone.

When I think of a public classroom I see, drugs, sex, persuasive video games and videos, abuse, unhealthy conditions, smoking, drinking, rape, prostatution, and violence. Have you went to school or daycare and actually went to school with your child for the whole day?
Then again you may see nothing wrong with the conditions then great, but for this 'sheltering' homeshooling mom a public classroom doesn't work for me. I want to know what my child is doing and who with.

Children will go through phases whether they are homeschooled or public schooled, they are human. Each child is their own individual, they will grow, learn, share, communicate, and have social skills whether or not we homeschool or not. There are tons of things to do with your children, 4H, church groups, VBS, tutors, alternative teachers, work, ministries, the store, the streets, parks, etc.
Education is more than sitting in a classroom, going from room to room, to sports, then home, and over and over again the same thing everyday. As far as developing personalities I think that has a lot to do with genetics.

I dont have any experience with homeschooling but reading some of these posts alone make me wonder why parents choose to do this.  One parent said she shelters her kids a bit and another prefers it because chilld seems better behaved but what is home schooling exactly? who teaches them? lI hope its not the parent because some of you need some more schooling yourselves.  I truly believe that children go through phases and they should be able to develope their own personalities by interacting with others in general...what next? home schooled kids just going to work from home as adults too?  I think parents may choose to home school because its convenient for them and not really for the child.

I suppose this means me? Don't worry I forgive you. I would rather shelter my child then see him go through 'this' world alone, depressed, in trouble, and lost.

[octaviaorca]

i too have worried about this subject.  currently we live in a great area for home schooling because of the opportunities that are around... museums, home schooling groups, the plethora of curriculum and support as well as umpteen opportunities for social skills through sport and city based activities.  soon we are moving to a place that won't have as many as those and it has made me doubt my passion for home schooling.  further, i wouldn't be choosing to do home schooling for political, social or religious reasons which actually makes me in a very small minority and will make our circle a little smaller. however... the whole thing has lead me to research and learn and i think that is the important part. 
i have met some incredibly wonderful home schooled adults that impress me no end with their ability to be creative and positive and outgoing.  that is what i try to focus on when i think of home schooling. 
back to the original question at hand though... there are great resources everywhere for home schooling... rural or urban.  is it harder at times to find then say if your child was at public or private schools... probably.  but only because it's on you to find it and keep the motivation going.  cheers to the people who can do it. 
as for the negative poster... the funny part of your post is that you've chosen already to home school.  sure your bebe might be really young but i'm sorry to tell you that you are already making your child 'different' and choosing a more 'difficult' path.  i hope that you have much success taking a road less traveled.

[kizudo]

Wow!  I think I've read that one particular post several times.  I'm shocked.  Almost, almost speechless.  Almost.

I am a private school teacher (well, technically "was" as tonite was the farewell - I quit to be a stay-at-home mom).  When I was teaching grade two I had a child transfer in from a homeschool situation.  My initial thoughts were "ha, couldn't handle it, hey? Just leave the educating to us professionals".  What I VERY quickly discovered was that this child was above average.  Above average in his politeness, above average in MANY academic areas, above average in his ability to solve social problems - in fact - helped others work out issues, too.  Over and over I witnessed how his very quiet mother and his kind and gentle father had done an amazing job.  This child was confident and ready to learn.  I really began questioning where I got the idea of homeschooling being inferior to what I was doing.  After spending only the last part of the year in my classroom, the family chose to return to homeschooling.  Now, before anyone slams my teaching abilities I just want to say that the families that  have entrusted their children to me have given me much praise.  I don't say that to toot my own horn, but just to say that I am not a teacher who does the bare minimum.  

It is because of this child that I would count it a privilege to do the same for my son.  It was stated in another post that there's no way a teacher can give individual attention to each of her 30 students.  I agree. We try, really we do, but there's just NO WAY!  I'm not knocking schools either - as I LOVED my job - and I think that it offers many positive things, too.  I might be biased as I taught in a private school that had only one classroom of each grade and our cap was 20 kids/grade, but, none-the-less, this is one teacher who graduated from the Education Program with great marks and has more than a "respectable" history in the classroom who will never, ever slam a well run homeschool!

[Kyles Mom]

thanks for all the replies,

Me too, I dont regret the choice to homeschool and the more I see my son studying the firmer i get in my decision, for like THen said, I believe homeschooling is the way to have the kid study at his own potential rather than in school where they are forced to stay average, and if they are doin well or below then they are differed from the norm in the school and luckily the in my place there is not much bullying and such but in most countries this subject the child to bullying as a geek or dumb....

i got one problem thoug, we dont have much outside resources except one national library which the last time i went some years back had books sooo out dated the most updated for the reseach i was doin was in 1980!!!! so just gotta do it with the internet loaded and computer loaded!!!

issue of social life is all cos homeschooling is new and he will have trouble explaining to his friends....but so far he is one of the best in most academic and in social his mixed with others spoilt it but before he was very good at it too!

[mother of faith]

Grant it, it took some thinking about homeschooling and dedication on my part, for I too was a social classroom only thinker. Until I had the opportunity to tutor homeschooled children. My views changed. Of course my co-workers are still to this day encouraging me to sent my children there. Who knows maybe when my children get older they can be placed into a public or private school, if I see that they need to be. My child comes first no matter if I homeschool or send them to school. Their needs at that specific time is all I care about. We stay in church so much that my children can go to children's church 3-4 times a week with other teachers, not counting his homeschool that we do here. We interact with so many children and adults everyday being a pastor's family.

My computer is over loaded as well, so I am going to purchase an external hard drive to store just the school stuff.

[Nikita]

I pay good money to have my children in a christian private school, when I always wanted to homeschool. I tear my hair out with the stuff that I as a parent have to watch my kids experience, and if those older ones wanted to be homeschooled I'd do it, despite the fact that my ex-hubby would then take me to court. It's his way, or no way at all, but he doesnt see what they go through. And it's painful.
My 12 year old, since my last post, has been verbally attacked by a boy, yet again, because he liked her but she didnt want to be a couple, so he calls her a slut. And then goes out with someone else, and that girl and her friends are yelling out "slut" to my daughter. These kids are friends, then enemies, then friends again, but I wish she wasnt at that school, or any school. She hasnt even held a boys hand, but hey, she gets called names because girls are jealous of her, and boys are jealous if she doesnt "go out" with them, thinking she likes some other guy. I am truly sick of it. I'll be talking to the school on Monday, but I can tell you nothing will be done. The boys parents dont believe he said that, even though there were witnesses. (She has been asking people via myspace what they heard, and quite a few confirmed her story). And I wont even tell you the stuff the parents say. About me. One parent, a pastor, met me once and said some mean things about me to his daughter, the very one who called my daughter a slut. I'd be very careful who your children interact with. The people who should be decent tend not to be decent, I've found.

[Nikita]

The school allows homeschooled children to use certain facilities like science lab. Who are the better people, I ask you? The homeschooled kids who approach the students at the basketball court asking "can we please join in?".Or the school students who think they are freaks and dont like them. (They let them join in though, but backstab them because they cant play basketball).

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