New and with "free advice"

[Kerileanne99]

I really wish I had found this site when my daughter (24 mo!) was born...I was actually inspired to search for like-minded people after an incident with one of my neighbors.   Let me just say that my daughter is racing at an American 1st grade level, courtesy of YBCR and a lot of work, and is fairly proficient is ASL as well. She LOVES the mail, and so I make up short lessons, copy 2-3 pages of an ongoing story, and print out a 'word of the day', a new vocal word. My husband puts it in the mailbox on his way to work, and we go out to Get THe Mail!!!!!! Together, usually as soon as she has eaten...
So the other morning, a neighbor who also teaches at the University and is a psychologist, walked by whilst she was happily devouring her mail (she insisted on opening it in the yard!)...mi d you, I have never spoken with him for more than 2 minutes at a time, and never about anything other than parking or taxes!
The next day there was an insistent knock at my door, that persisted through me getting to the door...(no small feat as I am in a wheelchair!) when I opened the door, there he was holding out a basic, freshman- level developmental psychology book! He said that he couldn't sleep the night before because he needed to offer me some 'FREE ADVICE'!  My daughter is not 'developmentally ready' to try reading, and by 'forcing' her to try (insert visions of me hovering over her with a ruler, ready to whack her little hands should she dare to make a mistake!!), she will end up with 'severe problems'...
I honestly did not know what to say...I must have sat there flapping my jaw like a fish! I finally turned to my daughter, (who was sat reading a book,) and said: "A,  this man says that you are too little to read.  Is that true, or false?". Keep in mind that we are scientists and had been working on this minutes prior to the guys arrival...She looked up, and said in her little baby voice,"Fols'.  I then proceeded to shut the door. Sans book...
So thanks so much to everybody on this site that made me feel as though I am not losing my mind...Has anybody else had problems like this, or is it just where I happen to live?
Any input is appreciated...

[Kimba15]

I think your daughter said it beautifully "fols" and big hugs and kisses to her.Your a good mummy and yes many people have on this forum have had similar experiences and most of us have not discussed it with any one. Most of us still live in the "early learning closet' so to speak. Just because none of us can be bothered with the back-lash

[sonya_post]

Early learning closet...so that is what I'm in....no wonder I can't breathe.  

[queriquita]

Welcome! And no, you are not alone :-) It bothers me when sheeple who don't seek knowledge and truth try to regurgitate "fols" antiquated lessons passed onto them from nay-sayers, especially on something so important to our children's future as teaching them to learn. We are all born to learn and that includes reading, math, art, music, physical agility, humor, compassion, and so much more. Waiting on any of this is a waste. Follow our children's cues and share lovingly and joyfully. I'm hoping that by the time we have grandchildren, our children won't have to deal with the same. Thanks for sharing.

[dr_megan]

Good for you Kerileanne99. Congratulations on having such a cute and clever little daugher. Your neighbour is a fol! (sic). Also I love your idea about the mail. I am going to copy it, because I think my little son will have so much fun with it.

[Kerileanne99]

You would think that because we are scientists (my husband and I are both chemists), and the only people we know are also at the University, that the people around us would at leat be open to ideas.  I have two words: PRIMARY LITERATURE!  These same people that go to work every day to teach and research would never think to use tabloids for their research into their chosen fields, yet when it comes to raising children, it would seem that mother's groups full of old wives tales and superstitions, and television is the way to enlighten them!
We have no family here, and have lost several friends to lack of understanding.  Or competition! For some reason, almost everybody I have met here takes my daughters accomplishments as a personal slight simply because I have the luxury of staying home with her and choose to work with her!

We recently held a small birthday party for my daughter (she turned 2!). It was duck themed, and I had put out a large box of books that had ducks in them.  All of her guests were running around wreaking havoc, but my daughter would not get more than a couple of feet from her beloved books! She tried reading one out loud (to a five-year old!) and the mother got very upset and insisted that A must have memorized it... I just smiled, but later overheard her and another group of mothers (in my house) lamenting my poor daughter and talking about the 'pressure'. More like the pressure on me when my daughter insists on reading a book tO me for the tenth time I. A day, or begging to 'do Maff' again and again!
I honestly would not know what to do with my child if we didn't have our 'games' to play...what do so-called normal parents do/talk about with their kids if not teaching them?

Sorry for the long rant...I just am feeling tremendously alone and unsure...It feels right, and she truly seems to love it. She motivates me by always asking for more. I just lost another friend this week because my daughter is supposed to start Montessori school in August...in the older group than her daughter, who is nine months older than mine...the children (at least young ones) don't care about it, so why should parents?

[mybabyian]

I LOVE your mailbox game.  I am sure my son would love it too.  I am so sorry about your neighbor.  I feel like we are in the closet too. I don't tell people that I am teaching my baby to read (let alone do math!).  I feel like I am doing a disservice to other parents by not sharing sometimes.  But, people actually say it is child abuse to teach a baby, so I am reluctant.     I think it is sad.

I read a book once that was so judgmental about teaching babies to read, but said you should show them product labels for pre-literacy skills so they can start to recognize logos in order to eventually be able recognize letters.  Why do that when in the same amount of time you could just show them a word?  Wouldn't that be better than indoctrinating babies into the consumer culture? 

Anyway, it is nice to know there are other people like us out there!  I think things change eventually.

[Kerileanne99]

Mybabyian: thank you, you raised a fantastic point that I will be sure to point out to my consumer-driven family-based critics...I recently read an excerpt from a new book on consumerism in America ( I will have to verify the reference) that claims the average three-year-old can identify a minimum of 300 brands, by words, pics, you name it! Apparently large businesses have been targeting the awareness of this EL ability (and exploiting it!) for years! So why are critics so vocal?
Imagine a world where your average three-year-old could read a minimum of 300 words...

My conclusions, based solely upon my own limited experience, is that other parents feel threatened, indignant, guilty, jealous because they did not have/ take the time/ money/stress (joy), of going through this process with their own kids, for various reasons!

[Kimba15]

My conclusions, based solely upon my own limited experience, is that other parents feel threatened, indignant, guilty, jealous because they did not have/ take the time/ money/stress (joy), of going through this process with their own kids, for various reasons!
[/quote]

That is very true, Most don't believe it will work any way or your child has the 'smart gene' The best advice I can give to you is this got to the bottom of the forum main page there is a message boardfor many different countries find yours and put a message up andd see if there are others the other thing that you could do if people say anythng about her reading just say yes it great and it was sooo easy to teach her I can help you teach little so and so  if it something that you are interested in?? Most people probably wont take you upon the offer but will not bother you again abgout it because they know it is something they can do. I hope this helps

Also if your neighbour comes back tell him to report you to child services if a mother spending time teaching her daughter constitutes child abuse???

[mybabyian]

Imagine a world where your average three-year-old could read a minimum of 300 words...

Yes, would be wonderful.  By the way, thanks again for your mail box idea.  I found out my baby can read!  We modified your game into a word treasure hunt ending at the mail box (we used the word spin at the end and acted it out to make it a big pay off for him).

I placed words around the house as clues for where to go next.  When we got to the word "couch" He grunted and pointed at the couch.    My little caveman!  I was so thrilled.  He hadn't shown any signs of recognizing any words until now.  It was very exciting!  Thank you!!!

[sonya_post]

I love this forum. You guys have such great ideas! Thanks so much.

[PokerDad]

Not sure how I missed this thread... just wow.

If this happened to me, I would thank the guy for the book (and make sure it was okay to keep it). I took developmental psych in college and it might be nice to read through the old textbook again...

Of course, I would totally ignore the readiness stuff. I know they (so called experts) all say this readiness exists and that it's "impossible" for a 2 year old to read. Well, unfortunately it's a case of who you gonna believe... the expert or your lying eyes? Sorry, but there's just too many cases of baby and toddler reading. Further, I'd like to point out that these experts are not actually experts on the phenomena. There is exactly zero studies for them to base their conclusions on (and I'm aware there are a few studies in the works right now).

Doing harm or damage, if it's going to happen, will more likely come from METHOD of teaching reading in the English language than it would come from WHEN the child is taught... and frankly, there needs to be some research here. In the absence of research, the method that YBCR and others use to achieve their results is not dissimilar to the method used in most US kindergarten classes.... there needs to be research because it's quite possible that the best and most effective TIME to teach using these methods is prior to age 4 or perhaps even age 3 due to the vast language acquisition that these young minds exhibit. In other words, we might (theoretically speaking) be talking about apples and oranges even if we're discussing the exact same method (and frankly, in most of these cases we are NOT talking about the same method, especially if you're using starfall.com, readingbear.org, fleschcards, little reader, or any other use of phonics)

I highly doubt (though I suppose I should leave the door open due to lack of research) that teaching the same method EARLY would be detrimental or inferior to waiting. I'd put money on it being the other way around, if there's a difference at all... and when I say I'd put money on something, keep in mind, I'm a poker player and do not like to make losing wagers

As a parent, we have to do what we feel or know is the best. You're doing that! Keep up the great work!!!

Oh, and the advice you got from him was worth exactly what you paid to receive it.
 

[TracyR4]

As a parent you will always get unsolicited advice. People like to throw in their two cents because they don't have the time/patience or desire to do stuff like that with their children. Plus there are those that don't have the ability to think outside of the box. Just because it says that in a book doesn't mean its necessarily true.

Just take it for what it was and move on. As long as both of you are enjoying learning how to read then keep moving on and enjoy! 

I will say even though I didn't learn about early reading until much later on. My youngest does very well with her school work. Teaching her isn't the effort it was with my older three children. She loves to read and loves to learn. So phooey on those who say it hurts them. It does not.

[Kerileanne99]

Just a quick update about the incident with my 'concerned' neighbor.  Did I mention nosy? Apparently, he happened to ask a local pediatrician his thoughts on the matter...who happened to be MY pediatrician!  So back up a few months...
When A went in for her 18 mo checkup, the pediatrician was running late and my daughter was reading one of the free "I Like Stories" on my IPad. (Grasshopper Apps if you have not come across them yet! They are lovely, with highlighted word at bottom of screen as you read!). A was reading along, signing whenever she got to a word she couldn't pronounce.
Ped sort of smiled, and said "Isn't their memory amazing? They are not really reading, just memorizing..." I couldn't help myself (totally humble mommy here ) and said, actually she is reading and this is the first time she has seen this story....
After a completely patronizing glance my way, he tried to placate me by saying that he was sure it SEEMED that way...I still didn't budge, and he said, "well, one way to prove it to you..." he picked up the newspaper and held it up...
First of all, my child is not a dog, or a trained monkey, so I asked her if she wanted to read for him...I swaer, the man looked at me like, oh, good excuse!  But lo and behold, she said sure!  And proceeded to amaze and shock him for the next ten minutes! Obviously, she couldn't read nor pronounce all the words he pointed at, but she would at least make the sound of the major consonants in each word!
He was almost speechless, and my daughter loved every minute of his reaction! It wasn't until he asked permission to bring in other docs that I put a stop to it...As I said, my child is not a trained monkey!

So back to the neighbor... I actually think that he was so concerned about the 'damage' that I was doing, that he took it upon himself to consult another doctor!  My doctor must have mentioned to him that he was aware of the situation, and whilst I do find it a bit disturbing that professionals were discussing the situation behind my back, I dont think any personal details were involved...

But the amazing thing is, A and I received an apology Delivered to the door, along with an old (1979) set of Encyclopedia Britannicas in mint condition from his personal collection!

I just wanted to pass on this delightful ending to give everyone that has been so supportive hope that we will
not always have to 'hide in the EL closet!'

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