Thanks for this info and links.

I'm familiar with raising boys, as well, because I have 4 sisters and my first two born were girls. When my boy came along, I was at a loss. It's a good suggestion, Ellen! OK, MJMJ, sss, bun pak pak bun pak bun pak pak bun pak.

I always feel badly just pointing to a link (and it's usually the same author), but it seems silly to paraphrase, so...

Sorry to point to another post, but this is SO good and instructive regarding establishing healthy eating habits with our kids from day one. I love what the author says about paying total attention when bottle or breast feeding so mealtime is established as a resptected ritual, not (as she says) a squat-and-gobble. http://Http://bit.ly/acNszN

Parents who maintain a particular child care philosophy must stick to their guns, protect their kids no matter whose feelings might be hurt. It's not easy, never easy, and certainly no way to 'win friends and influence people', but one thing I've learned -- parenting is not for sissies!

You would be brilliant running a daycare.

I've had the same experience with 3, and I agree with Marmee. If you think about it, how much do a 4yr old boy and a 6mo old have in common, anyway? They can't play games together, he's probably being told to 'be gentle' a lot... after a while, it's just not that interesting.

I found that including my older kids in the child care process with the little ones helped. Helping with feeding (unless you're BFing, of course!), reading to little one, singing, even assisting with diaper changes... The older kids felt some sense of responsibility, enjoyed getting a reaction from their younger sibling, they learned something, and naturally they basked in the glow of their very proud parents. 

2010BEBES - Always thoughtful, open-minded, creative.... I would like to have had a grandmother like you. I'm jealous of your grandkids. 

The advice referred to in the original post is really for 6mos-3yrs. It's about establishing the ABILITY to entertain oneself (something I was never able to do... but then, I had 4 brothers so lots of entertainment). If a baby/toddler can be alone to explore, discover, play, that child will certainly be more likely to spend time with books etc...

Sorry to keep pointing back to Janet Lansbury, but she's been writing about the value of independent play lately, and it really resonates with me. My 3rd child was clingy and didn't like to be 'unattached' from me. My bad, because as I became busier as a mother I  would carry her everywhere with me. She was literally attached to me, but for convenience not out of my own beliefs. Philosophically, I'm not a pure AP mom, but I was certainly playing the role. Janet's advice about fostering independent play http://bit.ly/comtDD  really changed my life and my 6-month old's. She quickly became much more confident on her own and could occupy herself on the floor for over 30-minutes at a time, which allowed me much needed freedom to get some things done and take a personal breath.

I don't want to debate the pros and cons of Attachment Parenting, because every parent's style is usually fluid and certainly a personal. But surely, everyone can agree that it's healthier (and less stressful) if our kids learn from an early age how to occupy and entertain themselves, especially as they begin to enjoy books and learning.
 

["well, you know, when I was growing up, you didn't tell anyone until you absolutely had to, because if something went wrong, it's so difficult to have to talk about it with all the people you've told..."]

Share the joy.

We were so excited by our first pregnancy, we were spontaneous and told anyone who might share our excitement. Unfortunately, we miscarried after 4-weeks. In speaking with my mother, she went into one of those "well, you know, when I was growing up, you didn't tell anyone until you absolutely had to, because if something went wrong, it's so difficult to have to talk about it with all the people you've told..."

Our reaction? 'Okay, mom, next time we won't tell you until the baby is safely delivered.'

Basically, I think everyone has to judge for themselves, because there is no right or wrong answer.

Good question.

Right on, Goodnightmoon. Choices, so your LO feels empowered, means everything. Everyone wins.

Great post, TmS.... I also adhere to a 'parenting teacher' 's advice and philosophy (with some editing), and share it here often. I love this particular board because the parents are so open, thoughtful and investigative. Anything goes. I have learned so much and always found the dialogue civil, thoughtful and helpful. 

As my kids get older, I constantly hear from other parents how wonderfully well-behaved they are, what perfect angels, etc. Of course, I know better, because when they are home they feel comfortable to act out. But when friends' kids are at our house, they tend to be very well behaved also, and their parents are always so shocked (and proud) when I tell them as much. The good news to me is that this means our kids do know how to behave -- they just sometimes choose not to.

BTW - Hypatia, I love your comment above. You clearly have a superior intuitive (and learned, I imagine) handle on toddlers, their interactions and behaviors.

I agree - if you have a good relationship with your mum, everything should be fine after the initial shake-out. The real gift in this situation is the relationship your kids will have with their grandmother. Very special. Priceless. I wish my kids knew my parents better, but we're on opposite sides of the country. I'm actually jealous of your situation.