Thanks everyone, it really does help to have a bit of encouragement.
I took DD for her 2.5 year check up yesterday which she passed very well, and they were very impressed with her vocabulary. When they asked if there was anything else I was worried about, I wanted to say "Yes, she's not reading yet...!!!"

but decided probably not wise as they would think I was a crazy person, or at best a horrible pushy mum!!
I think one of the main issues is that DD gets very easily frustrated and angry when she can't do something easily, or else she likes to do things in her own way, so she is not keen on having too much direction or interference in what she's doing. I have to work hard to avoid getting into battles about virtually all our daily activities as she does not often want to get dressed, brush hair or teeth, go down stairs, put on jacket etc etc.......! She struggles to switch from one activity to another one and her default is 'No, don't want to...' so I guess this also applies to reading. I try to keep things fun but it can be tiring (esp when i've not slept well). It can be very frustrating for me - but I also love her spark and her spirit and independence of mind, so I guess these all go hand in hand.
I will certainly try some of the suggestions, and also just keep going onwards as we are, following her lead and trying not to think too much about what will happen next. I've always tried to keep it fun and give her as much choice as possible - for example she loves the Starfall alphabet webwsite and choosing which letter she want to see. I have always tried to focus on the process of enjoying our learning together more than end results up until now, so just need to stick with that attitude.