We spend a lot of time teaching our kids concrete data... bits, facts figures, I think sometimes we do not teach the basics to our children. Children do not instinctively know the rules of our society or household. They are learning and it is our job to teach them.
First and foremost I believe we as parents always set the example. If you hit your child will be more aggressive. If you yell your child will yell. Almost every day I remind myself this. THe calmer and more relaxed I am with a situation the more receptive my child is.
I am not proud of this, but a handful of times I have spanked my almost 3 year old. A gentle swat.. and once a quick 3 swat. I observed the reselt first hand that my child became more agreesive...
So this is what I have done and it seems to be working...
I tell my child I do not like what you have just said to me, you need to repeat what you have said in a different way.
I repeat myself... yes I repeat myself... Hes 2. Hes learning. A typical conversation....
Logan pick up your napkin and put it in the garbage-- NO!!-- same tone- me- Logan pick up your napkin and put it in the garbage.-- NO thank you--- Logan pick up your napkin and put it in the gargage-- Okay. Guess what I would have never believed it but this has worked. I notice that sometimes they experiment with their answers....
I know this brings up the argument of a child must obey at first command... Well all I can say is my child is really good. I am told all the time, and I see it. Yes, I compare kids... and im not just being bias my kids are awesome.
I notice that sometimes being tolerent and patient and asking them again to do what was asked in the same tone and waiting a minute or two usually works.
If my child is slow at getting ready I make it into a game. I try to look at the overall objective of what I want to accomplish and try not to get into power struggle games.
The couple times I have swatted my childs bum I felt horrible.... and it never was the quick solution that I had imagined in my head it would be. I must say though I am not into parenting with threats... I say something I do it... Example, Logan if you do not act appropriately around other people we will go home... and we go home no matter what. Its not a huge lecture on the way home, or talking to other parents about how naughty my child was. It is a decision to respect their lives and NOT talk about their behaviour except with them in a calm manner.
Is parenting hard? Yes. Do time outs, spanking, really work any faster then just asking them again? I dont think so. I have a mantra that I tell myself on difficult days I LOVE MY KIDS I LOVE MY KIDS I LOVE MY KIDS
and exhale.
On difficult days I tell my two year old to fill his lungs with air and push it out... it calms him down... usually gets a couple laughs outta him and changes the mood enough to make a happier child that will help me accomplish the objective or task at hand.
I have travelled the world and have met successful and very happy people... all had one thing in common a very happy childhood. Have fun, laugh, and giggle as much as possible and the rest will fall into place.
Need your toddler to brush their teeth... play dentist.. hair, play hairdresser... dont worry you wont be playing the game every day... they tire of things just like you do. And you know what the days you cant play then tell tell him you cant.
For the days that nothing seems to work, and they are impossible... and are definately doing things illogical and maddening... try a time out, and as a last ultimate resort.. yes we are the parents, we do need to put our foot down every once and a while (about once every 4 months here is the average... one swat on the bottom puts attention on the spot.) Just be sure that its not frequent or else I think you are doing something wrong and failing as a parent.
There s my 2 cents... hope it made sense.
I find the books by Suzuki.. yep the violin guy help a lot... clearing the mind and setting the example make you the best teacher and student.
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