Thank you so much skylark ,mela bela , lappy , manda ,keri , Tamsyn for writing back .
I would have gone crazy trying to deal with it on my own . My brother is a private person , he did sympathize with me after he read my post on my facebook page but criticized me for sharing it with others

being able to talk about it unfortunalty more online in my situation than with people around me had helped me a lot .
The first few days were really hard . It was a very tough week trying to process all what happened and accept it and move on , i couldn;t eat , i couldn;t allow myself to cry in front of the kids , i couldn;t sleep ,i loaded myself with coffee to keep going , i was full of anger and hatred for the strangers who hurt my family and violated our home .
Then i read all your replies.I am so sorry Skylark for what happened to you , i cried reading your post and wished i could be there with you when all that happened . Thank you so much for sharing with me , i cannot tell you how helpful your post was to put myself together .You made me stop crying and instead pray for both my family and yours ((..hugs...))
I also received a wonderful email from another friend on montessori group i belong to that helped me how to approach the kids and discussed what happened with them . i like to ask her permission and share it here with all of you .
in all what happened my husband was amazingly supportive . for him , the kids , the grandma , and the family who always spent christmas eve with us , i focused on Christmas and kept myself busy cooking which helped forget all the stress and sadness of last week robbery and just enjoy the moment with our loved ones .
Kids still got presents from us .Lucky for them , in our situation present buying is planned always ahead looking for cheap online deal , educational material i order from UK through friends working in a shipping company and i try to buy what they need for the whole year on christmas and their birthdays .
I save for it all year long so when shipment arrive , i open the safe and pay my bill . Unfortunately not this year

we lost the money .
I am grateful that our friends understood the situation and are willing to be patient with us so we can pay slowly .
the next few days were full of excitement with kids using their new stuff ,... I was ok till 2 days ago when we got out of the house for a small drive for the first time after the robbery .Coming back , we usually park the car, i stay with isa on my lap waiting for mike to go in open the house and come take Isa . This is when he , we found out we were robbed 2 weeks ago . the waiting yesterday was so hard , all the feelings of that sunday afternoon came back , i kept rewinding the events in my mind over and over again and felt so numb , hurt again .And yesterday exactly 2 weeks after , kids asked to go to the beach , like that afternoon when it happened . I just couldn't go . i made my poor isa sad by deciding mike would take the young ones and i stay home with isa because I am tired . The truth is i was scared to leave the house

One other thing disturbing after what happened , i put on some weight the last 2 years and it is all related to stress , i never had problem with weight before , and i never needed to diet . I recently was determined to pull myself together try to detox , exercise and live healthier .I managed to stop coffee and was proud of myself , started exercising , ...
The last two weeks I am doing the opposite , like punishing myself and my body , I cannot stop eating

and i don't feel good , I am too tired , don't feel like playing with kids . You know you are doing something wrong , you just cannot stop yourself from doing it
ok lots of issues crammed in this post . I am writing at 4 am after my 4 years old woke me up 3 times crying he is not able to sleep at night unless lying against me in bed and if i move away he wakes up crying mama i am scared i want you

thank you so much for reading so far , i will go back to bed and try to sleep a bit .
what are your plans for this evening ?? do you do anything special on new year ?? our friends organized a special new year eve back in time party with everybody dressed up . I was very excited for us and the kids to join , but after what happened i had no chance to prepare our costumes and not sure i would want to spend money to join , so we'll be home .
I pray that 2013 will be a good year fro all of us brings us peace of mind , joy and good health .
I feel blessed to be part of such wonderful group and be able to share . I am thankful for good friends like you .
sending you all love and blessings
xxx
viv