oh, and in my area, at least, the music classes for kids that age are basically just singing/dancing/rhyming classes, which it sounds like you're already doing at home.  They don't start the actual instrument classes (around here anyway) until the kids are at least four. 

I put my eldest in dance classes, which is another way to appreciate music, I think. He loves it.  I figured it was a way for him to appreciate music but also manages to be active enough to engage him.

Hi! 
I just started taking piano lessons myself (as an adult, mother of two) this year.  They told me my son was too young, which I don't believe, but when you don't have a teacher, you don't have a teacher.  He'll start next year.

As far as finding a private teacher for her, i'm sure you could convince someone.  I mean, the teacher is still getting paid either way, right?  So why wouldn't they be willing? 

My sister just tried to put her five year old boy in Suzuki.  She stopped after a couple of weeks because he kept dropping or banging the instrument on everything and it was inevitably going to break.  He just wasn't old enough/mature enough to appreciate that the instrument was really valuable and could be broken.  But again, I find the difference between boys and girls (on average) is pretty stark in the area of being able to sit and focus at young ages.  Not ALL boys are more active or go-go-go, but many are, which makes it hard to sit still for those kinds of lessons. 

Piano is also a good base for other instruments.  Did you ever consider trying piano with her?  Less breakable/expensive but a very good way to introduce music.

Just an idea.  And, like i said, I started piano this year, so i'm sure you can too!  It's a great break from the kids, actually, for half an hour once a week.  Very manageable (even if I don't get to practice as much as I would like to!).

Chispa, I'll include my prayers for you here as well.  Chispa -- that means spark, right (in Spanish).  That's very good, I think.

Blessed creator, healer, redeemer,
Hold Chispa close in your grasp and calm her fear.  Hold her family close and give them the words to support her in this time.  We know that health and healing comes from you alone, so please give the doctors solutions and answers to her questions.  Give them the proper strategy to successfully eliminate this tumor.  Spark a healing light in Chispa and let that healing light shine through her until the tumor has shrunk and gone.  Bless her.


My father had cancer and was given only a few months to live.  I'm happy to say that he lived another 9 years and eventually died of something totally unrelated (heart condition).  My father did elect to have chemotherapy, but my parents also practiced a lot of positive visualization and meditation.  I'm sure that you can find access to many sources describing meditation as I believe it is a practice in many world religions (meditation, medatative prayer, etc).  As for visualization, my understanding is that they both spent a good deal of time visualizing his body healed and healthy, strong and cancer free, encouraging a sort of psychosomatic healing.  Although he was told that he had tumors throughout his whole body and was given only three months to live, only a few appointments later, the tumors had all disappeared, and the doctors were flabbergasted to see that he appeared to be healed.  I think that they would say that one of the most important things is to stay positive, see yourself healed and don't let the negative energy, thoughts and fears invade you as they will only inhibit your healing.  Bless you.

Does any other parent of exclusively boys find that people always imply that boys are just boys but girls are something "extra special" that you should be hoping for?  Why is that??   OR worse, when you are pregnant with your second, and you find out (with joy!) that you're having a second little boy, and people say "awwww, darn!  I bet you were hoping for a little girl!  Oh well, you'll just have to try again!" 

What's WITH that??? 

We just had a second boy nine months ago.  I have an older son that's 3, so there's two and a half years between then.  I was also a bit scared at the prospect of going through pregnancy again (I had high blood pressure problems with my first and had to be induced b/c of it. ALthough everything ended up fine, I was scared by the fact that something was *wrong* enough for me to need to be induced for.).  Luckily, with many conditions (including blood pressure), having it the first time around does not automatically mean you will have it the second time around.  I guess it depends what your particular problems were.  I had no problems at all the second time around, and a very natural, lovely, calm birthing experience!  So different from being induced!

As for whether you have to have a second or not, I think others are right in saying it's a personal, and tough decision.  It's great that one day your kids will be able to play together, true.  But that's only if they aren't tearing each other's hair out. :P But having more than one does mean that you have half the time for each of them.  You can't spend all the quality time with the second one that you did with the first, AND you can't even spend the same kind of quality time with the first anymore, because they have to share you with the sibling!  I know a lot of people say that you HAVE to have a second to provide a playmate for the first, or you HAVE to have a second to socialize the kids so that they aren't spoiled singles, or because only children are this or that, but I recently read about some studies of only children vs. sibling families.  You might be interested.  There's a chapter devoted to studies of that issue in the book "Nuture Shock."  I found it fascinating!

It's funny, after my first I said "if I can only ever have this ONE baby, i'll be satisfied -- he's all that I could hope for...all my dreams come true" but we eventually decided to try for a second, and were blessed with another beautiful, wonderful little boy.  And I was SO happy!  But almost right after he was born I said "this family just doesn't feel complete!  I want more!" (and no, it's not b/c we were hoping for a girl -- people always ask if we are, as if they think we're missing something by only having boys and not girls.  I'm crazy about little boys, and would LOVE to have all boys!)

but hey, isn't it funny that lots of people say that a baby CAN'T do it, yet, if a parrot can do it, why couldn't a baby!!!

Hi!  I also find playdough to be a really great thing for my son to do while i'm making supper.  AND with playdough we often make long playdough snakes, and he cuts them while I make supper.  I know some parents are scared of scissors, but the occupational therapists that I know REALLY encourage their use in play because they're so effective in teaching fine motor skills.  I just pull his chair up so he can sit at the kitchen counter (it's a low counter) and I make a bunch of snakes out of playdough, and he cuts them.  Loves it! 

Someone mentioned baby einstein DVDs.  I recently read about some studies of kids that watch those DVDs -- might not be that great for kids after all.  Apparently, studies have shown that kids who watch the Einstein DVDs in particular actually have a 20% LOWER vocabulary rate than kids who have never watched them.  It has something to do with the fact that kids learn words from watching people verbalizing them and since the einstein videos are overdubbed, and there isn't actually anyone shown speaking the words, the kids don't actually pick up on them or learn them.

I love some of these responses!  Great ideas.  Thanks everyone, as always, for the super ideas!

on that note, EVERYONE in the community where I lived slept across the hammock -- if not 90 degrees, then at least diagonally across it.  They laughed at me the first day when I was laying in it the way that seems normal here, in North America.  "ha ha, you look like a banana!"  Hammocks are actually quite supportive if you lay across them diagonally!

Oh, I agree with you, KL, and just wanted to say that Felicity is a very lovely name!

Great question!  I would say neither a friend, nor a dictator.  I guess parenting is a category all it's own! 

I guess i'm thinking about a great book that I read recently by Barbara Coloroso -- it's called Kids are Worth It.  It talks about brickwall parents (authoritarian "you will listen to what I say or else!" "I said NO and I don't want to even hear what you have to say or you'll be grounded for a month for talking back!" kind of parenting), jellyfish parents (parents who a)often had brickwall parents and don't want their kids to suffer the same way that they did, but end up having no structure or rules and the kids often suffer as a result, or b) are simply too self absorbed to notice what's happening in their kids lives.  These parents are inconsistent and it's confusing for kids because one minute their friends, but then more often than not, the next day, the same situation and the parent will snap!) and finally she talks about backbone parents (consistent parents who model appropriate behavior to their kids, teach kids the natural consequences of their actions and foster, in their kids compassion and empathy, a sense of real appropriate power in their own lives and confidence in their abilities to make good decisions.

So I guess I would say neither of your options, but something in between where the child knows that there are boundaries, rules, consequences to their actions, but also knows that you're there to help them resolve issues or problems that come up in their lives, and that you love them through problems and strife.

my opinion!

I think that people are right when they say that kids are learning from TV and are little sponges.  My question is not THAT they are watching but WHAT they are watching and with whom.  I posted earlier about a study that I had read that found that kids who watch educational cartoons (like Franklin, Clifford, etc.) tend to be more aggressive with their peers. Some TV shows spend 90% of the show illustrating a bad behavior and then only 10% of the time resolving the behavior (Franklin learns, in the end, that it's nice to share, not to hit, whatever).  Kids don't process the whole sequence but just see 9 examples of poor behavior for every 1 example of optimal behavior (whatever the lesson learned ends up being).  Then they emulate what they see most often from the TV shows that they watch thus resulting in some unwanted behaviors.  No real surprise when you think about it.

Of course it's totally possible to talk to kids about the things they see on TV and to explain why such behavior isn't appropriate! The problem with that is that it's hard to debrief the shows with kids when you're not in the room to see everything that they're watching.  And who wants to sit through episodes of Franklin or Curious George or Clifford or whatever.

If you believe that study, it just saves a lot of hassle and parenting work at correcting unwanted behavior if you limit those types of shows that follow the 90%/10% formula I guess!  I thought that was interesting stuff.

Hi!
I like the idea of advertising for your own playgroup with a theme in mind!  That's a good suggestion.

I'm finding, with a new group of friends that i have just formed (we're in a new town) that we don't have to agree 100% on parenting (that will NEVER happen) to get along and for our children to benefit from being together.

Maybe try attending a program at a community centre or library. Then you'll have the structure and you can "click" with the ones that you click with and form a friendship and start adding people on as you find that they click.  There's a rhyme time class once a week, in this town, and just from attending that class I have met so many folks to get together with!  The more structured programs seem to attract the moms interested in early education and being actively involved, and not those who are just interested in chatting (which has it's place too!).  Maybe there's something similar where you live? Or try looking up a group like La Leche League and start attending some of their meetings for moms who nurse toddlers.  You might have to informally start your own group that way -- just find individuals that you jive with and invite them on play dates or whatever.  Sometimes individuals are more manageable than whole big groups anyhow...

I have formed an at home preschool with a friend of mine -- we have 7 kids between the two of us, and we're working with the oldest four as a preschool group.  If we had other moms interested we'd definitely invite them to join.  We're just starting out and want to really get our feet under us, though, before we start expanding!    Seven is already a houseful too!

Good luck. It's hard to find a group sometimes.  I've had such difficulty in other places we've lived.

Oh, and I also found that the more "fun" the toothbrush (cool pictures on it, or any cool shapes or whatever, like a car shaped handle) are absolutely terrible for my son.  He spends the whole time wanting to SEE the car, trying to take the brush away from me so he can look at it.  I give him a cool one to look at and play with, while I use a boring one to do the actual brushing with.  I had one with a suction cup on the end, and though I CAN use it now, at first he just wanted to stick it to everything.  He kept interrupting the brushing to stick it on things.  Drove me crazy. 

Oh that's a great idea!  we do a song too, but didn't think to include the things we ate that day.  My son would love filling in those blanks (and of course responding to all the silly suggestions!).

He also really likes listening for the timer and telling me when to switch sides. I  guess anything that really distracts them from the reality of brushing their teeth!

ugh!  Laundry, I know!  I have a HUGE pile (higher than the actual washing machine) right now in my laundry room.  It's terrible.  But it's just not a priority when I have two wonderful little guys to spend time with!