I just need some validation that I am not crazy to have agreed to having my mother-in-law come and live with us.  I agreed to it without any coersion from my husband or her, and I'm actually kind of excited about it.  None of my friends can believe that is true.

She dropped the bomb on us about 6 weeks ago that she is divorcing her husband of 28 years, my husband's step-father.  We had literally signed a contract the day before to sell our house (moving within same area to get bigger yard, better school district) and were searching for our new house.  I have a great relationship with her, feel close to her like a friend, and she is wonderful with our 3-yr-old DS.  She is very respectful of our space, etc.  Regardless, we knew we would need a house with a separate area for her if she was going to come live with us, so we adjusted our house search and she will also be paying us rent (equivalent of what she would be spending for a 2 BR apartment) so it allowed us to feel comfortable searching a little above what we had previously set as our maximum price.  We found a great house, but it does not actually have a separate in-law apartment.  She will have 2 rooms (BR and sitting room) on a separate level from our and DS's bedrooms, but not separate laundry or kitchen, or separate entrance.  She still works (though mostly from home) and is perfectly capable of living on her own and can afford it, just doesn't want to live alone.  And I have to admit I am actually excited that she will be with us and our son can have that kind of close relationship and I will also have more flexibility to increase my hours at work sooner than I was planning.

I am just a little worried that my current very good relationship with my MIL will deteriorate, or worse, that it will possibly affect my relationship with my husband.  Also my own mother is pretty critical about our decision to do this, and is kind of implying that my husband must have forced it on me (my dad died about a year ago and I basically asked her when we started looking at new homes, should we look at places with in-law suites and she said no -- but I wonder if there is a little jealousy there).  There's plenty on the internet about horrible experiences living with your in-laws.   I would really like to hear some good experiences so I know that it is possible!

I liked the book but certainly have not implemented even a fraction of it.  I read it when my son was about 18 months old (I had just discovered Doman) and loosely implemented some of his suggestions.  I started trying to get him to walk to the park, instead of riding in the wagon, and we would walk on different terrains at the park.  I try to challenge him physically, but only as long as he is having fun.  I also enrolled him in ISR (Infant Swimming Resource) swimming lessons (Doman's "Teach your baby to swim" is basically the same program except ISR has instructors that go through many hours of training) when he was 13 months old (this was before I read Doman's book).  This was not because of a desire to develop him physically but so he would be safe in the water.  He learned to "swim" short distances and float on his back, and eventually also learned to love the water.  He was not naturally a water-loving baby.  This past summer (21-24 months old) he was enthusiastically jumping off the side of the pool, getting himself into a back float, then flipping back over and swimming the several feet back to the side of the pool.  "Swim" is a loose term -- he propels himself through the water rather inefficiently and not with any kind of formal stroke.  I recently enrolled him in a "mom and tot" gymnastics class and he has been able to catch onto everything very quickly, and other parents comment that he seems very coordinated.  He learned to pedal and steer his tricycle by himself at 23 months.  I think it's because he never had one of those tricycles with the push handle, and the pedals don't "coast" like a lot of the new tricycles.  It was hard on my back while he was learning -- I was actually wishing then that it had a handle -- but now I'm glad it didn't.

This is all for a child who went through several months of physical therapy at 10-13 months of age because he was a late crawler (was not even pushing up on all fours at 10 months) and was diagnosed with loose joints (can't remember the technical term) and stiff neck (perhaps because I was always putting him down to sleep in the same orientation, and he tended to turn his head away from the wall when sleeping).  If I had read Doman's book when my son was born and done even some of the infant exercises I'm sure he would not have had the problems he did (reading the book made me feel very guilty for while - now I'm just glad I caught it early enough).  I mean, everyone tells you tummy time is important, but I didn't understand the ramifications.  My son hated tummy time and I probably did not give him as much as I should have. 

I guess my point is, Doman's book sort of awakened me to the fact that a child can learn physical things in the same amazing way that they can learn anything else.  I have no desire for my son to be a competitive gymnast, or olympic swimmer, or whatever (unless that's what he wants) -- I just want him to be healthy and strong and grow up enjoying active things.  Doman's book helped me understand how I can help with that.

Dear Chispa,
I am so sorry for your situation.  I cannot begin to pretend to know what you are going through, but I have one idea to offer -- if you have a friend or family member who has offered to help in whatever way, ask them to create and maintain a Caring Bridge site for you (www.caringbridge.org).  It is free and is a way for you to keep your family and friends updated (and anyone else who wants to access the site - you can make it open or password protected), and for them to send you messages of encouragement.  I maintained a site for my dad while he went through his battle with pancreatic cancer.  My parents found it to be huge relief that they had to explain all the doctors appointments, updates etc to one person (me) and then I put it in writing and put it on the site so all their friends and family could stay informed.  It cut down on the phone calls from well-intentioned people asking for updates, and also from people stopping my mom in the grocery store to ask "how's he doing?" (they live in a small town).  They also found it to be a source of strength since they could log on anytime and see all the messages from their friends in one place.

Okay, that makes more sense.  It must be somewhere in the fine print of the program that parents don't have to be notified prior to the child receiving medical attention.  That's pretty bad if it's not made very obvious on the form, though.

If you are concerned about the school issue and vaccinations, contact the following attorney to discuss your options.  Not vaccinating should not prevent your child from attending any school of your choosing.  If you decide to have this attorney draft you a letter to use with schools, the fee for preparing it is very reasonable.  The fee includes ongoing consultation so that if a school has a problem with your letter, they are to contact the attorney and not you.  He is located in New York but can help with any state.

Charles C. Nicholas, Chesney & Murphy, LLP, 2305 Grand Ave., Baldwin, NY 11510, (516) 378-1700, fax (516) 378-7633,  email[a]chesneymurphy.com

Mother of Faith, the situation you describe with children receiving medical treatments at school without parents' consent cannot possibly be legal!  Most schools will not dispense so much as an aspirin because of the legal and liability ramifications.

ariel -- thanks for that link! That is a great starting point so I don't have to make the master slides, now I just have to put together each day's cards in the order I want.  As I progress on this project I will post my presentations.

This is a summary by Dr. Mercola of a recent article that can be found on LewRockwell.com.  The below was copied and pasted from mercola.com.  Please inform yourself before lining yourself and your kids up for this vaccine.

___________

This year it is more important that you protect your children and loved ones from the flu vaccines than influenza itself. This article on Lew Rockwell discusses how:

1. The swine flu is simply another flu. It is not unusually deadly.

2. This is the first time both seasonal and pandemic flu vaccines will be administered. Both seasonal flu and swine flu vaccines will require two inoculations. This is because single inoculations have failed to produce sufficient antibodies. This is an admission that prior flu vaccines were virtually useless. Can you trust them this time?

3. Adjuvants are added to vaccines to boost production of antibodies but may trigger autoimmune reactions. Some adjuvants are mercury (thimerosal), aluminum and squalene. Why would you sign a consent form for your children to be injected with mercury, which is even more brain-toxic than lead?

4. This is the first year mock vaccines have been used to gain FDA approval. The vaccines that have been tested are not the same vaccines your children will be given.

5. Over-vaccination is a common practice now in America. American children are subjected to 29 vaccines by the age of two. Meanwhile, veterinarians have backed off of repeat vaccination in dogs because of observed side effects.

6. Modern medicine has no explanation for autism, despite its continued rise in prevalence. Yet autism is not reported among Amish children who go unvaccinated.

7. Researchers are warning that over-use of the flu vaccine and anti-flu drugs like Tamiflu and Relenza can apply genetic pressure on flu viruses and then they are more likely to mutate into a more deadly strain.

8. Most seasonal influenza A (H1N1) virus strains tested from the United States and other countries are now resistant to Tamiflu (oseltamivir). Tamiflu has become a nearly worthless drug against seasonal flu.

9. Public health officials are irresponsible in their omission of any ways to strengthen immunity against the flu. No options outside of problematic vaccines and anti-flu drugs are offered, despite the fact there is strong evidence that vitamins C and D activate the immune system and the trace mineral selenium prevents the worst form of the disease.
For even more reasons, please review the full article on LewRockwell.com.

Thanks for the advice.  I like your idea about reciting equations out loud.  Is your daughter still interested in viewing LM?  I try to do some "math play" when we're doing play-doh or whatever but hadn't thought of just reciting equations.  I would love to get LM -- my son is far more interested in the computer screen than flashcards.  However, it doesn't work on Macs and currently that's what we have for our home computer.  I thought about installing it on my work laptop but since that is a blatant violation of corporate security procedures I decided against it!  I'm actually considering making a series of Powerpoint presentations to present the dots.  It will be a lot of work since I figure I need to literally make slides for each session if I really want to do it right (i.e. showing the 5 cards in a set in a different order each time you show them in a day, so if I'm showing 2 sets of 5 cards, 3 times a day, each day's presentation would have 30 slides).

I love all the ideas on this thread!

I rotate DS's toys so there is always a fresh box of toys or activities ready to pull out as needed.  When I need to distract him or get him to play nicely by himself, I just pull out the "new" toys and he will play by himself for a good 30 minutes sometimes.  I don't keep many toys out at once -- he has several low bookshelves that hold his toys, crayons, paper, playdoh etc rather than a toy box.  I found that he doesn't play with stuff that's out of sight anyway.  I saw some other posts that used Montessori ideas -- this is actually a Montessori-style setup to have activities lined up neatly on shelves so each thing has its place. 

I also sometimes let him draw on his plastic highchair tray with bath crayons -- they wipe off very easily and it's a treat for him.  He still usually demands my attention from time to time ("look Mommy, I drew a cow!") but it lets me cook dinner without him underfoot if other distractions are not working to keep him busy.

I posted on the thread that nhockaday recommended -- in that post about 6 weeks ago, I said I was intending to resume teaching signing to my 26-month-old (I had done some baby signing with him but he didn't remember any of them at 24 months).  I got some Signing Time videos from the library the next week (so about 5 weeks ago) and we watch one or part of one of the videos maybe 2 or 3 times a week.  I watch each one with him until I learn all the signs (several times through - all of the signs introduced initially are very easy to remember because they relate somehow to the actual word, for example "eat", "drink" etc), and I keep a list of the signs on the kitchen table.  Then we practice them during meal times (and some other times, but I have a hard time remembering the whole list of words without the list being handy).  He recognizes all of the signs from the first 3 Signing Times videos, plus some others that I have introduced or that he has asked to learn.  He does some of the signs also, and seems to love it.  He will ask what the sign for something is and I will look it up on the computer so we can learn it together.  I have actually been surprised how fast he is picking it up and how much he enjoys it.

Hi, I'm looking for some advice on how to resume the Doman math cards after a long break.  I started them with my son when he was about 19 months old.  He seemed interested in them for about 2 days, then after that it was a struggle, but by following the advice in Doman's book (try to keep it fun, go faster, be silly, etc etc) I managed to get through the first 50 cards and had been doing equations for 3 or 4 weeks.  I found it frustrating because my son didn't seem to particularly enjoy it or care much, but I kept trying to figure out a way to get him engaged (with varying success depending on the day).  Then my dad, who had been fighting cancer for over a year, took a turn for the worse and passed away, and I didn't have the energy to continue the math program.  For a while I've been meaning to pick it up again but am not sure whether to start at the beginning, or just pick up exactly where we left off.  I have no evidence that my son got anything from the initial exposure to the dot cards in terms of quantity recognition.  He is now 26 months old and I'm worried I've waited too long.

Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks!

I think teaching signing is as valid as teaching any other foreign language to your child -- if you get a good book on ASL that explains the grammar you will gain a much deeper appreciation for ASL as a language (I am just starting to learn but have read some about the grammar and also deaf culture, which is important to understand that ASL is not just hand movements but also facial expressions and body movements that convey meaning).  I did some baby signs with my son starting when he was about 6 months old, but was not at all consistent with it -- by 12 months he was signing more, apple, banana, and a few others -- but he was an early talker so then I got lazy about continuing to try and teach him.  Now he is 25 months and I just started showing him Signing Time -- he loves it!  He is picking up new signs very quickly and loves to show them off.  Also, if we are talking about something and he wants to know the sign for it, we'll just go to the computer, pull up one of the free ASL dictionaries that are available (just Google "ASL dictionary") and learn the sign.

It probably also helps that we just recently started having play dates with our deaf neighbor and her hearing 3-year-old neice, whom she watches most days (and whom she communicates with in ASL).  It's great -- I can practice my ASL with our neighbor (and she is very patient and willing to teach me) while the kids play, and my son is starting to really understand what signing is about, and he is excited to learn more signs.

It is totally a personal decision, and that's not just a cliche.  Take others' advice into account, but in the end when you make your decision, feel good about it and don't feel any guilt for the decision.  There are lots of benefits to having siblings (I have one sister and we are close, but fought a lot as kids), but I'm convinced there are also good things about having only one child.  My son will likely remain an only -- I would like one more but my husband is happy with one and I'm 39 so the age factor plays into it too.  I'm not too worried about the socialization and think it has more to do with the kid's individual personality and upbringing than whether they have siblings or not.  My son is very outgoing, a real ham, and plays well with other kids -- that is his personality.  The 3-year-old down the street who has 4 older brothers is extremely shy and keeps to himself -- that is his personality.

I was concerned about the toxicity of flouride too and my mom was pushing me to get fluoride supplements for our son (he drinks mostly bottled water).  My sister and I got fluoride supplements when we were growing up because we were on well water so that's where my mom was coming from.  Anyway, our Pediatrician said if we cook with tap water (which is fluoridated) he's getting all the fluoride he needs.  We also subscribe to the Mercola site so I've read his research recommending avoidance of fluoride.

I apologize for how I came across in my previous post.  Setting all that aside, I'd love to continue this interesting debate.

DadDude, you seem very organized in your approach to educating your kids, and have determined exactly what methods you want to use.  I am not at that point yet, so I am still exploring various methods.  I agree with you that Montessori is more constructivist and Doman is more instructivist.  But from my admittedly limited knowledge of both (mostly from reading, not actual experience) it seems to me that both include some of the best elements of both approaches.

For example, it seems to me that some of the key aspects of Doman’s math and reading method reflect a key element of constructivism – “that all learning is seen through the conceptual framework of the learner and new learning must be fitted into this framework”.  For example, Doman emphasizes over and over that if you can present abstract ideas (i.e. quantities) in a concrete way (dots), children will learn.  Numerals are not presented until the child understands quantities.  Mathematical operations are presented first with dots, which are concrete representations of quantities, and then once the child has this framework, numerals can be introduced.   So, Doman seeks to “construct” knowledge rather than just teach by rote.  As another example, for teaching Encyclopedic Knowledge, it seems like everyone says it works best to choose material that the child is already interested in.  Wouldn’t that be considered “child led”?  Maybe I’m getting confused…

Similarly, while Montesorri fits the definition of constructivism much more than instructivism, Montesorri emphasizes the “prepared environment” which is very much teacher-planned.  Also, in a purely Montessori environment, the materials are meant to be used in very specific ways, and the teacher introduces new materials in a very specific manner, showing the child exactly how to work with them.

I'm probably overthinking this and interpretting the definitions of instructivism and constructivism improperly, but anyway...

It actually hadn’t occurred to me that there would be “tension” created by using both Doman-inspired and Montessori-inspired approaches, but they are very different approaches so I guess I can see there could be some conflicts.  Like I said, I’m trying to develop materials and a system for use with my son, so I’m very interested in understanding better where you are coming from on that.  The reality is that at some point we will be putting our son in preschool (I work part-time, right now we have a nanny), and we will likely choose a Montessori preschool.  There are no preschools around us that use a Doman-type approach.  If I want to continue using Doman-inspired techniques at home, he will be getting a mix but maybe that would not be a good idea.  I'm already using a mix of things; maybe that is not a great approach.