["Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting"]

I take a slightly different POV... At 3-1/2, your toddler is testing limits, gauging what kind of power he/she has and what your reactions are going to be... Reading is wonderful on so many levels, but consider what your child's motivation to read might be: a) it's undistracted time with mom or dad (the BEST reason to read); b) it's something mom and dad approve of and show their approval.... but now your DO is supposed to read by herself? Think about it. Half the motivation is gone... You might try spending uninterrupted time reading with your child -- with NO expectations -- so it's personally rewarding to her.

Anyway, I'm just a parent and really have no expertise in these things, though I do have experience. I would also recommend Janet Lansbury's brand new Amazon best-seller: "Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting"... There are a couple of chapters in there that deal with self-motivated kids, the problems with 'rewards/bribes', toddler resistance... and especially what your toddler is thinking.

Books available on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1qmqEmd

Good luck to us all!

New Release: Elevating Child care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting... This is Janet Lansbury's new book, and it's a great primer for parents and caregivers of babies and toddlers. It's on Amazon, just search Janet Lansbury Elevating Child Care. 


 

For the record -- I am the father of 3. Not the mother.

all three of my babies literally 'found' my breast (with a little prompting).

I'm confused.

Don't be. My husband and I often use the same e-mail for boards/chats/etc. Keeps spam in one place.

How to alienate friends, neighbors and family... and maybe protect your kids from conventional parenting wisdom. You just have to grow a spine and stand up for your baby. "To Protect and Fix" http://bit.ly/aMkWF5

Simple is best to develop imagination and reasoning. http://bit.ly/dCWzZA

Breaks my heart.... then I get angry... then... never mind.

I hope your little guy is okay. Lots of hugs and assurance and consistancy.

xxoo

puzzles... lots of puzzles.

I LOVE your description in #1. Beautiful. I cringe at #2. Cringe.

Fantastic site! Thank you for that. And yes, that has been my experience -- all three of my babies literally 'found' my breast (with a little prompting).

But they did not crawl there. They squirmed (and STRUGGLED). I love the expression -- 'breast crawling' -- but that is absolutely changing the dialogue. That is not the kind of crawling anyone would point to when describing an infant 'struggling' to crawl.

Again, wonderful site. And so worthwhile.

Okay, I think.

But "Babies are born being able to crawl"? Well documented?... Not my babies. They weren't ready to crawl for several months. I've never seen a newborn crawl. Ever. I even Googled 'newborns crawling'... nothing.

And 'social implications of which way a child is laying. A right-side up baby can engage the world by lifting their head, and disengage by lowering it.' Just my experience, but my infants didn't have the muscle strength to lift their head for several weeks. Face down on their bellies. Period. They had no choice whatsoever. But they could turn their heads, so on their backs there was some choice.

Anyway, let's not go at it here. I'm assuming you have lots and lots of hands-on experience with infants/toddlers and have observed what you're talking about -- not just book learning/academia -- so I absolutely respect and appreciate your POV. Mine is just different.

Vive la difference! In the meantime, a friend writes: " ....  When one understands how movement develops in a young infant one can understand that imposed tummy time is not necessary and can be harmful. A young baby has not yet developed the support they need through their back to hold up the weight of their head. You can look and see that very little babies placed on their belly strain their neck muscles to hold up their head.

This back support develops throughout the first months of life as a baby lies on their back, turning their head, lifting their head and legs from the floor, reaching for toys etc. In this way a baby develops the flexors, the muscles at the front of themselves, and then begins to learn to roll over. Once they roll over all this work on their flexors through the first months of life has lengthened the extensors, the muscles through the back, so that they are now ready to work.

The impetus to roll over comes from a very natural desire to engage with the world, to reach for toys, to move towards objects of desire. When a baby is given time to naturally learn to roll over onto their belly, without adult interference then they are ready to support the weight of their head lying on their belly and they will give themselves all the tummy time they need.

So many parents talk about how much their babies hate tummy time. When a baby is given time to find their own way there and is able to roll out of it themselves they don't protest lying on their bellies.

Many adults have neck problems and when I work with them I can see that they never really developed the proper organization of the musculature through their back for supporting their heads with good posture.

As a society we have very little faith in our children's natural abilities to grow, develop and move according to their own needs and nature's plan.

I'm in complete agreement with Magda Gerber that when we put a baby into a position that they can't get out of themselves we give them the message that what they can do is not good enough and that what they can't do is expected of them.

Of course a baby can't get into and out of lying on their back without an adult putting them their either, but in this position there is nothing required of their yet undeveloped anti-gravity musculature to maintain themselves - no impediment to the movement of their heads, no restriction to their breathing or the movements of their hands and legs. They can lie there as quietly or as actively as they choose."
 

I'm always a little wary of comparisons between our babies and the animal world. Especially when it comes to physical development, because it's a false comparison. Four legged creatures first need to learn to stand up  (and quickly!) -- so, yes, they are naturally on their bellies. They don't have much need for being on their backs, and in fact it's very dangerous in the wild. If an animal is on its back, there is something very wrong. Not so with our babies.

I think you and I cry at this video for different reasons. It's so sad that someone would intentionally place their child upside down like that. She seems so old to be struggling to roll over. Poor thing.

I thought learning, or 'struggling' to roll over was an important step in a baby's physical development. And, as an aside, I personally believe that babies don't mind a struggle -- any natural struggle -- they don't feel sad for themselves. We put our own feelings on them. What do you mean 'upside down'? I'm not being snarky, but why do you say a baby's natural position is on its tummy? (It may be, I've just never heard that before).

Anyway, not my babies. As infants they were on their backs so they could take in the world around them, learned naturally (through 'struggle') to turn over, gained strength in their necks by 'struggling' to hold their heads up and look around, then 'struggled' to pull themselves along the floor and eventually crawl. I didn't feel sad for them. I was elated by their triumphs.

This video just makes me cry. The struggle, the triumph... it's just great. http://bit.ly/cNgUSw

As always, thanks for these great resources, Twinergy. Love  the videos, ordering the book.

CVV - my apologies for disappearing. I was spending some time with the family prior to school starting (not sure HOW I feel about that!)

It's great that your baby is so focused on feeding. I think the article was talking about NOT distracting your baby by doing something else while he/she nurses or bottle-feeds, not ignoring the person in your arms by being on the phone, computer, etc. You obviously don't, or your baby would let you know. And I didn't take it as a suggestion that one should somehow demand our baby's attention (the 'eye gazing' thing), just that it's important to be present and responsive to HIM, patient and available to engage as much as HE wants to.
 
Regarding comfort feeding -- I agree JL's opinion is not scientific. To me, however, it just makes sense. We, as parents, create and then feed every habit our babies develop. My opinion.

Regarding the food... I think we share the same philospophy about meal time and the ritual of a family meal. It's just getting there. My kids learned to eat by themselves (and pour water for themselves, btw) at a table on the floor. Not alone, but with someone or several people sitting with them. When they were finished, they left, and so did the table. My observation is that babies at small tables don't play or throw their food, because when they're finished, they leave. Babies aren't built to spend long periods of time strapped in a chair at the dinner table waiting for their elders to finish. Yours may be different. Anyway, my older kids all seem to have a pretty healthy relationship with food now, and none was ever a problem in more formal situations (like a restaurant)... Okay, I'm lying. My littlelest is a boy, and he has a problem sitting still no matter what the situation. But he never threw food.

And while I understand your husband's point, I don't think he can blame all of North Amercia's disfunctional relationship with food on this method. It's very rare -- fringe, actually -- so I'm thinking fast food, corn syrup, the media, hydrogenated oils and other factors probably play a larger role.