wenjonggal
Posts: 142
Karma: 50 Baby: 1
single mom of 4 yr old boy adopted from China
|
 |
« Reply #16 on: October 11, 2009, 08:11:43 PM » |
|
Nikita said:"Conform to what? This society is full of serial killers, drug addicts, paedophiles and all sorts of creepy people. So what is fitting in meaning these days."
That's funny... I don't think that society is endorsing and promoting those things and one needs to conform to those sorts of things to fit in!!! Most of the people who do those sorts of things are the ones who are outsiders, who didn't fit in. Not all of them, but a goodly number of them. Even the abuse of children by priests... if the church hadn't forbidden them any adult sexuality, perhaps they wouldn't have been using children they had access to and could keep quiet. Most of the ones who shoot people in schools, kill their parents etc are kids who kept to themselves. Who lived in books alone and stayed at home a lot, not the kids watching Disney movies together with their friends and hanging out at the mall... I think it is important for us to instill values into our kids, to make sure they are able to go against the flow and say no to peer pressure, to be themselves and chose their friends wisely. But I scarcely think that "fitting in these days" means being a serial killer or a paedophile. Just the opposite.
"If it is hard for us as adults to deal with critisicm, a broken heart and that sort of thing, then it is no easier for a youngster. It just means the earlier they suffer, the more suffering they have to endure over their life.
I would rather have control over my kids friendships, where they associate with like-minded parents who feel the same."
Again, that is sort of funny, since I am dealing with this sort of thing with my 3 yr old son now... he is only in daycare a couple of days a week, since he grew up in an orphanage and I want him to experience being home with mommy. So we get together with likeminded parents and their kids. And right now he is having a very hard time, with his little heart broken, as another little girl who does like him, starts screaming after about 15 minutes and won't play with him, share any space within 15 feet with him and pushes him away and won't give a hug or kiss goodbye when we leave. He cries and says "I want to be her friend, why doesn't she like me? She won't play with me, I'm so sad, I afraid she not be my friend. Look mommy, tears falling I so sad"
I really don't see how keeping a kid at home is going to keep him from rejection, criticism and heartbreak. I thought I'd have to deal with this when he is 13 or so!! And btw, they actually get along BETTER at a dance class they both go to, where there is a teacher, it is a neutral space (vs one of our homes or our regular playground), there is a large group of children.
I don't think we can keep our kids from "being of their generation". They may be a different group, or not read the top 10 books, but they certainly live in a world of ipods, Michael Jackson is dead, Obama is President, we have cellphones and worry about global warming... they are not a child of Mozart's generation nor of mine, where we worried about the USSR and nuclear bombs, used payphones and had home delivery of milk, and phones stuck to cables on the wall.
As for reading? I think it is pretty much impossible, once a child starts leaving the house, and can read, to control that a child doesn't read adult books or things we dislike. Kids came to our house when I was a child to read our books that their parents had banned, and books my parents disliked I took out of the library and read at school, or read at houses when I babysat or visited... Again, we can give guidelines and discuss values, morals, what we think is appropriate... and set them free.
|
Digg
