Building emotional intelligence

[Ouroboros1]

While building my baby's musical, mathmatical and reading skills, I also want to make sure that he's developing socially as well. 

What have you been doing to improve communication and problem resolving skills. 

Leadership and proactivity?   

Service to others and empathy?

[DadDude]

Oh, we have flashcards for that.

(Just kidding!  )

The whole notion of "emotional intelligence," and calling various other kinds of skills "intelligence," represents a confusion.  "Intelligence" is a useful concept in the educational arena because it represents the ability to learn academic subjects efficiently.  Referring to good people skills (or artistic or athletic ability etc.) as a kind of "intelligence" basically just a way for people who are empathetic (or artistic or athletic) to feel good about themselves if they're stupid.  This has some social utility, but it doesn't make it any less silly.

I'm sure I'm not being very empathetic when I say so, but then, I never claimed to have a high EQ. 

If the point anyway is that there are, in fact, other virtues that are important to learn, everyone would of course agree.  Intellectual virtues are hardly the only ones.  But the ones you have listed under the heading "emotional intelligence" also barely scrape the surface.

[waterdreamer]

Oh, we have flashcards for that.

(Just kidding!  )

I'm sorry that was too funny DadDude!!
I have my son help around the house, open doors for elders, share what we have with other. I'm actually very strict and try my best to instill values, manners and respect in him.

[tammtamm21]

Daddude, you're a funny guy!

I agree there are definitly other virtues to learn. But I personally think most kids learn by example.

I roll play with my 12 year old allot. I create scenarios and ask him if he'd do A, B, or C. I make it fun with silly options. I do this with topics on integrity, moral character, drugs, and alcohol etc.

Hope this helps!

[2010BEBES]

Daddude,
How nice it is to be in this forum and find someone that really makes you laugh. You know that laughing is very good for your health especcially if come stress fom work.

Ouroboros1,
I came across a book in spanish printed in Colombia that talk about all the differente intelligence (as dadduede says maybe intelligence, virtues or whatever) so i ask about this topic to others. Here you can see some responses that give you two books in english that look very good.
http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/books-on-motivation-and-emotional-intelligence/msg57106/#msg57106

[Ouroboros1]

I've found 2 nice books that speak to developing better emotional intelligence.  The first is "Nurture Shock" by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, which was been spoken of in other threads:

http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/brilliant-kids-lack-confidence-the-perils-of-praise/15/

About how praising too much can develop a fear of failure due to the parent's perceived expectations.  One thing I really want to instill in my son is the ability to be persistent even when he doesn't succeed at first. 

Another is "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg.  This deals with how we can communicate better as adults, (although children could really benefit by learning these techniques at a young age!). One facet is getting to really know our feelings and needs.  He gives a lot of examples how we tend to be dissatisfied or angry with a co-worker/friend/spouse, and when asked what we need from that person, we respond "They do this, and it annoys me"  Which really doesn't answer the question of what we need.  A lot of it is our perception of what their behavior means, and not taking responsibility for our responses.  I'll have to admit when I've analyzed things that cause a strong emotion and try to dissect WHY I feel that emotion, it's easy to fall back into the different types of excuse/blame/judgement statements that he mentions.

I think a good part of communication comes down to being clear with what we are feeling and need and then developing enough empathy to care what others are feeling and needing, and acting accordingly.

[TmS]

Doing a great course at the moment called "Raising Secure Children" - it presents really lovely ideas around how to communicate with children, work through big feelings etc. This article was presented to us on our first day - it is something my husband and I have always done (and often been ridiculed for) but I think it is really important to show empathy if you want to cultivate empathy, show respect if you want to cultivate respect etc.

Any way I hope you enjoy the article, it is a simple idea but one I have witnessed many parents forget in the rush of life.
http://www.pinky-mychild.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=44:a-little-respect-please&catid=13:baby-a-you&Itemid=20

[Ouroboros1]

Our library doesn't have Pinky's book.  It seems like the courses are mainly in Australia, is that right?  Have you read her book?


Our library does have a book called "Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World: Seven Building Blocks for Developing Capable Young People"

It's got good reviews on Amazon and the reviews describe similar topics, respect for others, etc.   

[Frukc]

I googled "encourage empathy toddler" and got some very useful tips.

[lzp11]

TmS - I think the article you posted is very true, and it's easy to slip out of the habit.  Since birth I have always asked my 16m daughter to change her nappy (diaper?!) using both verbally and using sign language.  But as she got older and more wriggly it has got more and more difficulty.  One day I realised that it had moved from being a time of communication to a total battle.  My husband tried a new approach - to slow right down and ask her before each step in the nappy change and wait for her to agree (with eye contact or by saying "aah").  It's amazing how much better that makes things!  It take much longer but we are all much more relaxed and I'm not trying to pin her down by the shoulders any more!

I'm really interested in the subject of emotional development (agree that 'intelligence' is not the appropriate term here!), in very young children.  Part of my work is with a number of older children (and plenty of adults) in helping them to overcome problems such as worry and low self-esteem using a process based around cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT),which has a lot of evidence that it is effective.  I often think that a few simple changes before more serious problems arise would really help.  Do you think that general principles can be taught and learned via 'programmes' or is it just a question of learning from observing our parents?   

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