Teaching Manners/Etiquette

[TeachingMyToddlers]

What methods do you use to teach etiquette? Do you teach it through daily living and/or set aside special time to cover the topic? I think I would like to set aside special time to further expose them to manners training. I found this https://www.theetiquettefactory.com/products.php but I am open to other ideas!

[Korrale4kq]

So far we have just read books and demonstrated. We mention when things are rude. There is a page in a Richard Scary book with some rude kids eating a meal at a restaurant with some polite kids. James liked to identify the acceptable and unacceptable behavior. It really seemed to stick with him.

[Ayesha Nicole]

This is an excellent book by age and stage of development from 0 - 18:

http://www.emilypost.com/the-gift-of-good-manners

http://www.thegiftofgoodmanners.com/

[Tamsyn]

Thank you so much for starting this thread and for sharing resources, everyone!  This is something I have been thinking about recently too.  Thus far we have just incorporated this subject into our daily life, while reading a book here and there from the library, but I want it to become a subject.  Interestingly enough, one of Queen Elizabeth's courses was in deportment, and it was George Washington's impeccable manners, among other things, that helped him rise to greatness.  I have heard people make comments like "that's great that you have taught your 3-year-old to read, but I think it's more important to teach character and manners when they are at this age."    As if virtue, manners, and respect weren't important to me, or my kids were less-well-behaved than theirs.  My kids aren't perfect, but they aren't the only kids that misbehave in the playground either.  Far from it.  But rather than stew over comments like that, I have decided to comeback by teaching my children to be very polite. It's a skill that has to be taught.  I've been meaning to ask, like TMT, what your favorite resources are.  Thus far I have looked more into discipline books, but after looking a little into these websites you have shared, I see that you have a much better approach.  It's not about whipping kids into shape (not that I do), as much as it is training and teaching them the proper way to do things.  I like the way these websites address that.

Thank you again!

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Are you kidding me, some days my kids are as wild as hyenas! But IMO that is part of having preschoolers around the house. We have been working on discipline well, since about 1.5 or 2, but I think they are now old enough to begin to grasp more proactive, comprehensive instruction in manners/behavior/ettiquette. Rather than me just being reactive as a parent to naughty behavior.

My kid can read music and play piano beyond her years at the moment, but behaviorally? She's the wildest one in the music class hands down!   So you can label me "that mom," Tasmyn (not that you would, but  some might deem me guilty of your "friend's" accusations), but I wouldn't trade it for all of the other developmental things we've done. Not in a million years! There is time for it all and so they're a little spirited...so what! It stresses me out a little sometimes, but as they get older it gets easier. Plus I think she just might be bored and we're thinking about changing things up. I am just sharing so anyone else in the same boat doesn't feel too lonely.  Although, compared to a few other children they're angels I guess, so it's all relative really!

I want to start deliberately training them on manners soon for a multitude of reasons. I have the Abeka flashcards (oversized) and they are decent visual references and conversation starters (got them super cheap, used). However, they are packed in storage right now (we're semi in the middle of a move). Once I get them out, hopefully this week, I can take some pictures for you if you'd like to see some samples.  They do really well with saying Yes, Sir/Yes, Mam (I know that's old fashioned for some but it's a good fit for our family) and I praise them consistently for remembering. But we are a causal family overall and their table manners are pretty atrocious other than the fact they are pretty good about asking to be excused.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Been digging around online to see what else I can come up with to see if my library carries any titles.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Kids-Good-Manners-DVD/dp/B000PATNJE

http://www.christianbook.com/marvelous-manners-guide/pd/109503

http://www.amazon.com/The-Berenstain-Bears-Their-Manners/dp/B0006D3HEC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356587319&sr=8-1&keywords=bears+mind+their+manners

http://www.especialneeds.com/look-mom-i-have-good-manners-dvd.html

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?en=google-pla&item_no=119638&kw=preorder-0-20&p=1167941&gclid=CJPmq5P6ubQCFQyk4AodLAUAsw

[Tamsyn]

Also http://www.amazon.com/The-Boy-Who-Wouldnt-Share/dp/0060591323/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Yes, TMT, I am "that" Mom too. That's probably why her words stung so much, and why I'm looking into teaching character myself.  Peter is in the Cache Children's choir, and he has a hard time focusing.  Luckily the teachers are really good with him and understand where he is coming from.  One of them told me that she has a kid just like Peter, only 8.  She said he's the top of his class, but rambunctious because he gets bored easily.  That was so sweet of her, and it perked me up a little to know that she recognizes that Peter is smart.  Yes, I'm a proud mommy.

There's one thing I didn't get when I read "Kids who start ahead stay ahead" recently.  Dr. Harvey says that many parents are concerned about how their kids might get bored or struggle otherwise in social areas, but he says that's almost never the case and goes on to describe children with perfect etiquette and manners.  What did I miss?  I think the big thing about manners is that it takes as much practice for an EL child to learn as any other child, minus the advantage EL kids have if they read about it.  Sitting quietly for an hour is tough!  There isn't an easy program out there that will instill character and virtue by just pushing play twice a day for five minutes.  (or is there?  I'd love to hear about it! )

A funny side story, for the Christmas concert, Peter had to miss the dress rehearsal but was allowed to sing anyway.  It was his first time in the concert hall.  He knew he would be rewarded with Legos is he stood up straight and sang.  Bravo, he did that.  But in between numbers, he fidgeted and made comments like, "This concert is really long", "I'm bored", and a big yawn.  He wasn't at all nervous, instead he was somewhat indifferent to the whole concert process.  I cringed, Michael laughed.  Okay, I laughed a little too.      He also didn't let Michael comb his hair before the performance, saying, "Get off the screen, Dad!"  But he sang!  Hooray for progress.

I think EL kids have the same temperaments as any other kids really.  Any 2-year-old needs a nap, snack time, and cuddling whether they can read or not.  But being exceptionally bright does put a wrench in the works in some social settings for a few of them.  Sigh.  Totally worth it though!

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

Interesting topic. For a two year old Douglas is amazing ... in public. With strangers he is very sweet, in fact almost too sweet - he does not react if he's being bullied by other kids, looks at them like they must be playing, will try and hug them (yes, hug a kid who just hit him) and will cry if someone is super mean rather than hit back. The worst I've seen him do on the play ground so far is say "wait" and/or "careful" in a firm assertive voice! BUT at home, with me, he can be very very 'assertive' indeed towards me. I suppose he feels more free to be himself (at least thats what I tell myself). I am following Charlotte Mason at the heart of my HS philosophy, particularly her her advice for habit training. I interact with Douglas the way I would expect him to (saying please and thank you) and pull out moments of patience and helpfulness from characters in books e.g. point out when a child is being well behaved. We also make a point of identifying 'not nice' behaviour on tv even if meant as a joke (e.g. a pie in the face type comedy skit). Also bear in the back of my mind advice on this from The Education of Karl Witte, the father did a good job of connecting the child's judgement to God's expectations, with him and mom being earthly authorities, but young Karl apparently understood that it was God he owed the duty to behave well to.

The problem I find is what DS does when he wants to and likes someone is quite different from what he'll do if he doesn't! Kids are honest that way I suppose. Saving this link as I will need to explain at some point soon that there are expectations of him separate from what he FEELS is the right thing to do. Which is what manners mean to me.

[Tamsyn]

Oh! There's also the Standin' Tall Brite Music set.  I didn't think of these at first because they are a pricey and I don't like the MLM aspect of it (people do parties for it here in Utah like tupperware or pampered chef), but the product itself is actually very good.  I grew up singing, "Come along to the land of Obey, where the people are happy they say", and "I'm Captain Dependable".  They have a high resale value, so the value is there.  http://www.britemusic.com/

[c4andy20]

Thanks for the resources. I have to check them out because I am one of those moms too.    My kids can get rather "active" when bored. I have really been thinking about actively teaching manners and character directly to my kids rather than just through modeling and stories like "How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food" etc...

I did find a book about teaching manners to kids that I'm interested in. It is called "Manners Made Easy". It's softcover, has 48 pages, and is only $8.99. I found it on Timberdoodle.com, I love timberdoodle they have some amazing 3D models of organs and cells that are very inexpensive and some of them even come with a computer program(the program is a little dated but still good). They also have Chemistry 101 program which is amazing for teaching the whole family Chemistry. Sorry I got off topic but going back to the manners book. It's sounds very religious and I am not. But I think I might use it anyway minus the religious parts. Here's the link http://www.timberdoodle.com/Manners_Made_Easy_p/695-695.htm

This is the description:

Let's be realistic. Home taught children are scrutinized like no others, with the possible exception of the pastor's children. Of course, our children are always poised and brimming with exceptional interpersonal skills. At home, when no one is looking. In public, well, we are working on it. And now we have a more systematic approach to teaching manners, Manners Made Easy. This is an outstanding tool for teaching children etiquette. Using interactive exercises, creative demonstrations and question and answer sections, Manners Made Easy teaches practical life skills in a memorable way.

Topics include introductions, polite conversation, how to set a table, cell phone manners and so much more. Taking manners to a deeper level, Scripture-based learning activities are incorporated at the end of each chapter. Manners Made Easy is divided into two sections: a teacher's guide with helpful teaching tips and answers, and easily reproducible student worksheets with perforated pages. Unless you have an aversion to photocopying, only one book is needed per family or classroom. Manners still count; how do yours add up?

If anybody has used or read it please let me know what you think of it?

[Wolfwind]

This is something I've been considering a lot lately too.  We have a few methods we like for teaching moral values, but I'd also like a specifically manners/ettiquette source.  I'll have to check these out.

I grew up with the Brite Music Tamsyn recommended, and liked it.  My aunt gave us a copy of Alexander's Amazing Adventures, which are similar.  I combined the two into a year-long plan, where every month we focus on a different virture: unselfishness, obedience, kindness, etc.

I also bought the "We Choose Virtue" cards.  They have lots of products, but I only got the cards.  They have a scripture verse on each of them, if you're adverse to Christian products, but they're easy to ignore.  (They're NIV and we're KJV readers, so I ignore them :-).)  We read one card at dinner every night.  I've discovered that this gives us a common vocabulary; I now say, "That was virtuous" instead of the vague "That was nice," and then point out which virtue Big Girl A displayed.  It also makes me aware of all the virtues she does display, in her two year old way.

But I would like to include good manners and being polite, and I'm excited to check out these other products.  Thanks all!

[Wolfwind]

As I was thinking about this, I realized I had one other resource on my shelf: the book On Becoming Preschoolwise.  I know that the first book in this series (On Becoming Babywise) is hated by attachment parents, so I don't think most people even look at the rest of the series.  But Preschoolwise starts off by saying that the purpose of this book is to help you focus on moral behavior before academics.  Of course, EL parents know you can do both!  It's basically a book written by the people who say "I wouldn't teach my kids academics before good behavior," so it's really finding out what exactly they mean by that.

It includes ideas like asking your kids to reply "Yes, Mommy," when you give them directions and differentiating between mistakes (for which they should say "I'm sorry") and willful disobedience (for which they should say "Please forgive me" - fitting in very nicely with "We Choose Virtures").  It's got suggestions for things like a marble jar that you put marbles in whenever you find another family member doing something good, with a reward for the whole family when it's full, and sticker charts for particular virtues/manners you want to focus on.  There are quite a few things I want to try to apply.

However, like any book, it needs to be read discriminatingly.  The author LOVES schedules and routines; I'm a scheduled person, but not as much as the book suggests.  If you're not a routine person (a MBTI strong Perceiver, for instance), you'll want to skip that part.  That's the main negative I see.  It also says that kids can get addicted to choices; when they start bossing you around when you didn't give them a choice ("NO!  I wanted the GREEN cup!"), you should restrict their choices a little.  The way I phrased it is what I got out of it and doesn't sound too bad, but you could read their discussion as saying you shouldn't give choices, which I don't agree with.  Things like that. 

But if your public library has it, give it a try.  It's not about punishment and forcing your kids to conform, but things to focus on teaching your kids.  At the least, as I said, you can read a whole book on that concept of "teaching kids behavior before academics."

[TeachingMyToddlers]

We've really been enjoying Crawford the Cat and the Berenstein Bears episodes on YouTube, so that's an option for those that are open to that sort of thing. I have a bunch bookmarked in my playlists on my YouTube page in my signature...just go to videos, then playlists, and you'll find a bunch. My kids love Crawford the cat, I have no idea why but they do?! And they've picked up quite a few things like politely accepting or declining, which we practice all the time. I'll ask silly questions like "would you like some worms with your lunch?" (or bugs, dirt, whatever) and they smile and say "not at the moment, but thank you for asking." it's cute.   There are others, but that is the first that comes to mind. I know it's a process, but we are making some good progress so far with deliberate instruction.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Randomly found these today and wanted to share: http://www.abcdistributing.com/Toys-%2B-Sports/Books/Children%2527s/Make-Learning-Fun-8-Book-Sets/prod280314.jmp?sorted=Y&navAction=push&fm=leftnav&categoryId=cat51554&navCount=1

[Tamsyn]

My friend recommended Kimochis.  We've decided to get them as soon as we can swing it. Apparently they are VERY effective.

http://www.kimochis.com/main.html

This is her review:  http://howtoraiseroyalty.blogspot.com/2013/05/pretty-crazy-amazing-first-day-was.html

Not that this forum is expensive or anything...   

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