What are you doing discipline-wise with your child now?

[Kappasweet]

My baby is 15 months old, and honestly he is a bit spoiled.  This is fine, Momma and Daddy can accomodate him now.  If he has a tantrum about something, we mostly distract him with something.  Taking him outside on the balcony works 99% of the time.  Others have been saying that we need to do more.  Many of our friends with babies his age have already implemented time out, hand or leg pops (spanking), or things such as taking away toys if they throw them, etc.  We don't know, we think he is still a baby.  We have 2 "No-nos" in the house, messing with the TV controls, and throwing things in the toilet.  We are consistent on that, but otherwise the house is pretty free for him to "live" in.  What is your discipline regimen for your baby?  How is it working?  What are your experiences with your teaching your babies right from wrong at ages 1, 2, and 3?  Thanks for your help.

[momtomany]

I have 6 children and my advice to you is to 'do the time' now to save yourself a lot of work later on.  Be 100% consistent 100% of the time is the kindest most loving thing you can do for your baby.  If you are uncomfortable with spanking when your baby is a little older, then there are lots of other alternatives, but sometimes using spankings (never with anger or yelling, only for outright defiance/disobedience, only on the bottom) is just a more straightforward, efficient way.  Your baby is still quite young to be exercising a lot of outright disobedience... at that age I think they would simply forget what you said 'no' to 10 minutes ago or are just being curious.  One thing that will cut down on a lot of the tantrums for a little one is to establish routine and order in their day.  The same bedtime routine at the same time every night; same with naps and waking up.  Mealtimes at the same time in the same place.  If you want them to help tidy up their toys before the next activity, do it EVERY time.  If you don't want them to go in the fridge, don't EVER allow them to do it.  And never, never give in once you say 'no'... not even if they turn colours with their screaming!  For our toddlers, if they are old enough to understand what we are saying, we do not allow crying (for not getting their way) to continue for very long... they will be put in their crib for a few minutes only, but they are old enough to understand what we want them to do.  We expect obedience and good behaviour from our children and it sometimes takes effort to follow through and make sure it happens, but the effort you put in today will save yourself a lot of trouble in the future.  Train them to be pleasant people to be around... what behaviours annoy you or those around you?  Patiently work on those issues... don't get upset if they aren't 'getting it' as quickly as you'd like... they're a work in progress.  Just like teaching Doman, being consistent in your program ensures success.  I don't believe in yelling, name calling, slandering, belittling, blaming.  (Yelling is good, though, for fires and cars coming!)  With too many freedoms to do what they like or make their own choices, little ones don't feel as secure and you'll have more temper tantrums.  You are the adult and you know what is best for your child... a toddler shouldn't be making too many of their own choices.  If they are having a lot of tantrums, maybe they are being given too many choices.  Your child will be happier when they know what to expect and when they can count on their parents to be the adult leader.  Constantly distracting them is not dealing with the discipline training and won't serve you or your child's best interests in the future.  That's my take on it because I simply don't have time to be raising any 'spoiled' children... that's just too much work!

ps hug and kiss them lots and lots, read to them lots, love them lots, enjoy them lots... and they will adore you even when you have to make them cry by saying 'no'.  They will know that you love them unconditionally.

[Joanna07]

15-month old is too young for real discipline, this is what I read in many books on children development, he's brain isn't ready for that.
I think you are doing great job with distracting your child, he's too young for time-outs, young children don't have the ability to think thru their actions, no logical thinking yet, this is what everyone expects from time outs, right?
I'm mostly using positive reinforcement and we don't have tantrum problem. Also, I give my child lots of choices, I give him only two options and  I do it whith things that are not important, things like, which pair of pants do you want or do you want oatmeal with banana or with apple, it makes the child feel in control, we all want feel like that from time to time, right?
I never leave my child to cry it out unless it's clear that he does it for show only, which happened twice.
I don't plan on using time out, spanking and punishment ever.

[linzy]

My son is 3, but since about the time he was two we have been very consistent with timeouts.  If he misbehaves or is defient he goes into the corner. He stands facing the corner.  If he is going in the corner for crying to get his way we let him out once he stops crying.  If he going in the corner for disobedience we will have him stand there for a few minutes and then ask him what he did wrong and if he will do it again, if he answers correctly we let him out otherwise we supply the correct answer and tell him to stand there and think for a few moments, then ask him again and is he answers correctly we let him out. While in the corner I make him stand still and queitly otherwise he will sing and dance and occupy himself. this has worked very well with us and my son often gets comments on how well behaved he is.

[PY]

My baby is 15 months old, and honestly he is a bit spoiled.  This is fine, Momma and Daddy can accomodate him now.  If he has a tantrum about something, we mostly distract him with something.  Taking him outside on the balcony works 99% of the time.  Others have been saying that we need to do more.  Many of our friends with babies his age have already implemented time out, hand or leg pops (spanking), or things such as taking away toys if they throw them, etc.  We don't know, we think he is still a baby.  We have 2 "No-nos" in the house, messing with the TV controls, and throwing things in the toilet.  We are consistent on that, but otherwise the house is pretty free for him to "live" in.  What is your discipline regimen for your baby?  How is it working?  What are your experiences with your teaching your babies right from wrong at ages 1, 2, and 3?  Thanks for your help.

Hi Kappasweet,
I have to say I am completely lost in this topic....the reason is ...are your friends joking??I mean I can't even imagine put my 16 months old baby in time out or spank her!!!it sounds crazy to me...mmm being honest I haven't even thought about it.
Let's be realistic, it is  difficult for our toddlers to do whatever we say or let them know the meaning of the word NO....because they like to explore, they love to get in everything they are allowed and they are not allowed. Like Doman says is one of his books "there has never been, in the history of man,an adult scientist who has been  half so curious as is any child between the ages of 18 months and 4 years."
Sometimes my baby throws tamtrums whenever she doesn't get what she wants but My question is who doesn't?? Even us as adults like to get something we want and if we don't we get upset about it. Anyways whenever she is upset(which is rarely) I talk to her and hug her, and kiss her and start playing with her or making funny faces...tons of different things for she to forget about it. She loves books, so I read books to her and she calms down.
Being even more honest with you I AM IN SHOCK!!! I can even imagine having her in time out. She is the only daughter we have and she understands very good when mommy says Catalina Please don't do that. and she just wakes away. or when she has something in her mouth I ask her nicely PLEASE cATALINA can you give to mommy what you have in your mouth...and she does it.what else a toddler can do to get mad at them or punish them....

I HAVE A QUESTION HERE: WHAT DOES A TODDLER HAS TO DO TO GET IN TIME OUT OR GET GET SPANK??

[nhockaday]

I hate to say but there are tons of parents who spank their babies and toddlers. That is just the discipline that they choose. Maybe they were spanked a lot when they were kids. Maybe they have anger issues. I was in the doctor's office a few weeks ago and there was a lady there with a baby (probably about 7 or 8 months old). She was goofing around with him and he bit her (probably teething, but whatever the reason, he was too young to know what he was doing). She popped him and yelled at him very loudly.

It happens all of the time whether we think it's right or not. It's not a very nice world out there. Just turn on the news and you will hear of abusive parents who have beat their kid to death for potty training accidents or crying too much.

[linzy]

My son goes in timeout when he willfully disobeys. Be that hitting, refusing to put toys away or throwing a tantrum. If he throws a tantrum he goes into the corner until he calms down.  The time there is very short and it gives him a chance to quietly think and compose himself.  It has worked very well for us and afterwards he usually comes out and gives me a hug.

[Kappasweet]

Um, yes, my friends are serious.  I hear over and over "You have to start early."  I guess I believed that until I had my baby and realized, well, he's just a baby.  I have seen the results of lots of negative reinforcement, and it's not a well-behaved child 99% of the time.  But the results of no discipline at all is even worse.  I started the thread to help me get on the way to finding a moderate effective medium.  I am comfortable I have introduced him to the concept of a "no-no" Most of the time, if I say that to him he will stop, sometimes he throws his arms up and buries his head in the couch or on my leg, for dramatic purposes, sometimes he moves on to the next thing, sometimes he continues and I physically have to direct him away from the no-no.  My husband is funny, he talks so tough about discipline, but when I am consistent and don't budge on the no's no matter what, he says I am mean  I don't trust his judgment on discipline, all hot air.  I need to get my act together though, I want a happy, sweet, child who knows about boundaries but isn't "disciplined" out of their spark for life.

[wintermommy]

Hi Everyone, guess what, I haven't experience any tantrum from my baby becuase he is only 6 month old. I am kinda looking forward for it. I think its fun and I think I am gonna be a bad mom becuase I know I am gonna spoil my baby. I wanna give him everything he wants and gonna say yes to all the request.    As the youngest child in the family, I never have experience raising or being with a toddler. Kids at young age doesn't know the meaning of NO. They don't mean to defy you, its just that they don't know the consequence of their actions. Everyone is right here, as a mom, all we have to do is just be consistent at all time. We are here to guide them so its important to keep them in line.   

[PY]

I hate to say but there are tons of parents who spank their babies and toddlers. That is just the discipline that they choose. Maybe they were spanked a lot when they were kids. Maybe they have anger issues. I was in the doctor's office a few weeks ago and there was a lady there with a baby (probably about 7 or 8 months old). She was goofing around with him and he bit her (probably teething, but whatever the reason, he was too young to know what he was doing). She popped him and yelled at him very loudly.

It happens all of the time whether we think it's right or not. It's not a very nice world out there. Just turn on the news and you will hear of abusive parents who have beat their kid to death for potty training accidents or crying too much.

nhockaday,
what you said about the lady and her baby in the doctor's office made me really sad!!! I can't imagine being mad at my daughter for something like that...when babies cry is a reason for it...my baby didn't sleep the last night, she was crying and crying won't stop which is weird she since was born she sleeps 12 hours straight, but I was awake the hole night with her hugging her and snugling with her...because I know something was going on...and one hour later she started throwing out and fever..she got a bad cold!! I can't be mad at her and start punishing her for that!!!
Poor my baby is sick....makes me feel like a bad mother because I didn't take care of her better maybe warm her up more to avoid she to get sick!!

I know there is tought world out there, really bad parents and people who abused children...I wish I could do something about it but the least I can do is to raise my child to be different from them and change the word with her kind and love.

[khatty]

Try reading "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn.  Actually, try reading anything by Alfie Kohn.  Here is the amazon link to his books.
http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1245552491/ref=sr_pg_1?ie=UTF8&rs=&keywords=alfie%20kohn&rh=n%3A%211000%2Ci%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3Aalfie%20kohn&page=1

Alfie Kohn will make you think of rewards and punishments in a completely different light.  His ideas will challenge you to reach a new level of parenting.  The ideas are not easy to impliment, but they are worth trying.

[texaslady22]

I just read the book Have a New Kid by Friday and I really liked the idea (though it wasn't written well, in my opinion).

The premise behind the book is that you really can't force your kids to do anything. I mean, if they're two you might be able to drag them and make them do it, but not when they're ten or especially fifteen. So, early on, you just expect them to do what you say. You say it once, turn your back, and walk away.

For example, you ask Joe to take out the trash and he doesn't. You don't mention it again. You go on with your business. Whatever. Later he asks you to drive him to soccer practice. You just say "No" and don't give any sort of explanation. He thinks back and remembers the trash, you take him to soccer practice. No problem.

I just read the book tonight, but it seems to be working. I discuss it a bit on my blog.

He's also all about natural consequences. You tell Jim to get up and he doesn't, so you just continue about your day. When he gets up and is late for school, you write this note. "Jim decided to sleep in this morning. He really has no excuse for being late. Please do whatever you do with kids who choose to sleep in and be late for school." That's the end of it. You don't stay up late finishing the Chemistry project he didn't do, you let him suffer the consequences. He'll learn.

[Joanna07]

Khatty, the book you suggested is already in my cart, it's the kind of parenting book I read, thanks

[cp]

Hi texaslady

This is interesting.  When can this approach be used?  I think my 18 month DD has recently learned to throw tantrum in her playgroup …  every time a kid does it she would stare.  I basically ignore her when she does it herself and if I can’t take it anymore, I would distract her (such as asking where her toy rabbit is).  If she is in her high chair and she does not get her way, she will throw her food/spoon/bowl off her tray.  And today she stood up in her high chair (she knows how to undo the strap) when I turned my back to get a new spoon.  It really gave me a scare.  She knows what “no” means and she would say “no” herself after she does something I told her not to do before.

[2010BEBES]

.....   my 16 months old baby in time out or spank her!!!it sounds crazy to me...mmm being honest I haven't even thought about it.....
Anyways whenever she is upset(which is rarely) I talk to her and hug her, and kiss her and start playing with her or making funny faces...tons of different things for she to forget about it. She loves books, so I read books to her and she calms down....

QUESTION HERE: WHAT DOES A TODDLER HAS TO DO TO GET IN TIME OUT OR GET GET SPANK??

I definitely disagree on spanking or time out at any age much worst for babies.
I understand there may be parents that loose their temper but the best way is to ignore tantrums if you are sure they are not a reaction because he is feelling sick (fever, coughing ...) and after explaining to your child what he is doing is wrong.
Haven't you seen your child or any other crying and then if you call his attention on somenthing he likes, suddenly, like magic, he not only stops crying but his face complely changes and even smiles? That allways amaze me.
Try to look for something that will make him forget what the tantrum was about or just leave the room (depending on the age).

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